In L's Shadow
by Self-Inflicted Insanity
Summary: Near and Mello grew up in L's shadow, and after his death they lived in his afterimage; but no matter how hard they tried they would never actually be L.
1. L's shadows

**AN:** Yet another summer break I spent writing a ridiculously long story that probably nobody but me wanted to see exist, haha. **  
**

I really wanted to write this story though because I actually like Mello and Near's characters a lot, since I feel like they have great emotional depth - but when I was explaining my view to someone they told me that what I was saying was interesting, but there wasn't really anything to support it in canon because Near and Mello or portrayed really flatly, and I was just like "Really?" and then I looked back at canon with a more objective eye and was like "Oh, you're right... I just added all that stuff in without realizing it, lol."

So I wanted to write something to establish my versions of Mello and Near, and also what their relationship to L/L's relationship to them is, to give me a foundation for any future stories I might choose to write with either of their characters.

And also in case anyone might find my interpretations interesting.

So yeah - I did not write this story to try to say _"this is canon"_ or anything. This is simply my own headcanon.

I really hope someone out there enjoys it, though.

* * *

If, at any point while reading this story, you're ever confused/curious about some of the choices I made, there is a separate chapter of author notes at the end of this story. I put them in a separate chapter because they're pretty lengthy, and I didn't want them to interrupt the flow of the story.

The notes are organized by the chapter they pertain to to make it possible to refer to them as you read without getting any spoilers, if you feel so inclined. And they're also organized by subject, if you're only interested in select topics and want to pick and choose what you read.

Or you can read them all after finishing the story. Or not read any of them at all. Your choice.

* * *

 **L's shadows  
**

* * *

"L," Watari said one day, after L had just finished solving a particularly grueling case, watching with a ghoulish smile on his face as the criminal was finally apprehended.

"Yes, Watari?" The detective didn't bother to look at him, his morbidly delighted gaze still on the agents wrestling the spree killer into a car, cries of _"We've got him, L! We've finally got him!"_ coming through the speakers.

" _Yes, very good,"_ L told them through the voice-scrambler. _"Make sure you check his pockets. He might have a lighter on him that he could use to set fire to the vehicle like he set fire to that building the last time we cornered him."_

Watari waited patiently for L to finish, and then continued, "L, I think it would be a good idea if we started looking for a successor for you."

That caught L's attention, and the detective whipped his head around to stare at Watari with deep-black eyes, ignoring the cries of, _"He did have a lighter!"_ and _"We've confiscated his lighter, L!"_ coming through the speakers.

Most people, when they were scrutinizing something, narrowed their eyes, but L always opened his eyes even wider. Watari kept his demeanor placid underneath the unrelenting stare. He knew the questions were flashing through L's brain and that he was one-by-one answering each of them with all the information he was culling from Watari's impassive features.

Finally L turned and pressed the switch for the voice-scrambler again. _"Yes, good job,"_ he told the agents. _"You've done very well. You have everything under control, now, so it's time for me to pull out of this case. I trust that you will handle things from here."_

After he flipped the switch again to turn off the microphone, his hand retreated, curling over his knee. He stared straight ahead, and said: "Watari. I am not going to die on one of these cases. There is no need to find a successor."

"L has become a significant and important figure in the world's justice system," Watari said. "You will not live forever, L. It is never too early to start training another L to carry on your role in the event of your death."

L's fingers tightened around his knees. "Watari," he said evenly, "I am not going to kill myself."

"I never thought you would," Watari replied, and L remained still.

"So I'm just another one of your inventions?" L said finally, not looking at him. "Just another machine you created to help the world in a way that you see fit, and that you need to build spare parts for in case I break?"

"You know that's not the case, L," Watari said.

L turned to look at him, eyes wide and black through his hair, stare unblinking. "Don't pretend that you haven't capitalized on my talents, Watari. I'm just another investment for you."

"L," Watari said softly. "You're like a son to me."

"You don't replace sons, Watari," said L. "You replace computers." He bit his thumb, eyes dark and level. "Or dogs."

"L, you're overthinking this," said Watari.

"I'm sorry, " said L, "I thought my penchant for overthinking was what made me a world-renowned detective." He looked away, then, and his dark bangs prevented Watari from reading his face.

"I'm only seventeen, Watari," continued L, his voice quiet and inflectionless. "If you're already ready to start creating a replacement for me, it means either that you don't expect me to last, and you therefore want a replacement just like me for when I break—in which case you'll be settling for an inferior version, and the reputation of L will subsequently diminish, rendering the effort meaningless—or else you believe there to be something wrong with me, and thus want to replace me with a better model as soon as one's available—whether I'm dead or not." L paused, curling up tighter in the large armchair, hands sliding down to close around his ankles. "Personally, I'm not fond of either possibility."

"It's true that nobody could be exactly like you, L," Watari said, "but that wouldn't render a successor meaningless. Your job is valuable to society. A successor wouldn't have to be exactly like you to uphold that role."

L turned his head to look at him, black eyes wide and analyzing. "Why?" he asked. "Why do I need a successor?"

With the utmost patience, Watari explained: "Because the world needs L. There would be nobody else to solve these cases after your death."

"I don't care," said L bluntly. "I'll be dead then, and when I'm dead I won't care."

"L," said Watari, "stop being so childish. You have a responsibility to the world."

"I never asked for it," said L.

"You're a genius, L," said Watari. "Your great intellect makes you responsible for using it to make the world a better place. And your role as L demands it of you."

L looked away again and pulled his legs to his chest. "Fine," he said sullenly. "You can try to create replacements for me, Watari. But I want nothing to do with them."

* * *

Mello was there first.

Before Near arrived at Wammy's House, Mello was number one—he was the best. He won every fight, he won every game, he earned the top score on every test, and it was a piece of cake. Wammy's House was an orphanage for geniuses, and yet none of the other children came even _close_ to Mello, and it just reaffirmed what he'd always known: he was _special._

He was being raised to be L, just like all the other children, but unlike them he never once had a problem with it. It felt like he'd finally found a role that fit him.

He was better than them all even without _trying_ , but that wasn't enough for him—no, he couldn't just be a little bit better than them, he had to be so far above them that they could never hope to catch up. He had to be so far above the other genius children that the idea of what they'd have to put themselves through to reach his level would make them cry, would make them scream, would make them slit their wrists, would make them kill themselves because they just couldn't stand the pressure.

He wanted to be so far above them that he made them feel just as hopeless as L did. And he'd fight for that position tooth and nail.

Because L, he knew, was the _best—_ the best in the world. And he had no doubt that one day he would beat him, and then _he_ , Mello, would be the best in the world. He would be number one, better than everyone. It was as inevitable as the sun rising.

Until Near showed up and subverted him to second place.

* * *

Nate River lived under a cloud of fear and anxiety that never seemed to go away. It was a constant pressure in his chest that it made it hard to breathe, hard to think.

Lights were too bright, too hot, making him feel like an animal in a glass cage at the zoo, put constantly on display, a constant limelight, the feeling of eyes constantly staring at him, constant movement around him making him feel hunted.

Sounds were too loud, slammed doors jarring his bones, sirens and bells and schoolyard shrieks splitting open his skull, the screech of chairs dragging across the floor were like clawing like nails down the back of his neck, the crinkling of plastic and the sounds of people chewing were like like centipedes crawling in his ears.

Sensations too painful, vibrations of footsteps through the floor making his hands shake and his heart pound, too-tight clothes constricting him like a python curled around his body and squeezing, rough fabric scratching painfully and leaving red marks on his skin that burned like acid, the pull of a brush through hair that made his scalp light on fire and his eyes sting.

Smells and tastes too strong, perfumes and flower bouquets making his head pound, the scents of cooking food making him nauseous, scents like play-doh that never left his hands and tastes like eggs that never left his mouth, haunting him and driving him to distraction.

He did everything he could just to reduce all the stimulation to a tolerable level: playing with toys, putting together puzzles, solving Rubik's cubes, clenching his hands in his shirt, playing Cat's Cradle with spare pieces of string, twirling his hair around his finger, repetitive motions—anything, anything at all that gave him something to focus on, something to block out all the sights and sounds and sensations and smells and tastes that were constantly overwhelming him, crashing over him like ocean waves that he couldn't get away from, waves that just kept crashing over him, over and over and over, trying to drag him under, crashing over him until he started to go painfully numb, his mind that was desperately trying to process all of it drawing a painful white blank.

But while focusing intensely on certain movements or concrete tasks may have helped keep the waves of stimulation to a tolerable level, they did nothing to help his interactions with other people, and if anything, made theme worse, though he didn't understand the how or why.

Other people didn't make sense to him.

His teachers would yell at him for not listening to them, when he was focusing intently on playing with the objects on his desk because it was the only way he could actually process what they were saying; they'd yell at him for not respecting authority, when he'd been following all the rules to the letter; they'd lecture him for disrupting class, when the other students were far louder and more disruptive than he was. He didn't understand what they wanted from him.

And his peers were even worse; they seemed to sense that there was something wrong with him, something that made him different, and it made him the target of ridicule. Physically he was kicked, slapped, punched, shoved, tripped, for reasons that he didn't understand—what did they get out of harming him, and why did they hate him so much when he'd never done anything to them?—and verbally he was the recipient of various words and phrases and accusations that made no sense whatsoever (a 'bitch' was a female dog, and he was clearly human, and his mother was human, so how could he be the son of a bitch? It didn't make any sense).

There was no reprieve at home, either. His parents were even more inconsistent than his teachers, and try as he might he always seemed to get everything wrong; he was constantly yelled at, corrected, reprimanded, ignored, brushed off, bombarded with lectures, in patterns he could make no sense of.

They'd tell him to change clothes and put on something else, then they'd get angry when he came out in a different outfit; they'd tell him to clean up the toys he left around the house, yet they didn't clean up the items they left around the house, yet when he didn't clean his up they got angry, but even when he did clean them up they also got angry. They'd ignore him when he asked questions, and then later pester him with questions he didn't know how to answer, and then they'd get angry both when he gave an answer—as his answers were always somehow wrong—as well as when he didn't answer at all.

"Why do you have to be so _rude?_ " his mother told him once in a choked voice before breaking down in tears, and he didn't understand; he hadn't even said anything. Why was she getting so upset? He couldn't have been rude, because he hadn't said anything, since everything he said was wrong and he was trying _not_ to upset her.

Most of the time he didn't say anything. "Talk to me!" they would beg after he got home from school, shaking him by the shoulders, looking intensely into his eyes and saying "Look at me!" when he looked away because he couldn't even process thought when they were staring him in the face, their eyes making him feel panicked and hunted.

"At least change your facial expression!" his parents would cry, "At least show that you feel something!" and he didn't understand, because he did feel things. He felt things constantly. It wasn't his fault if they couldn't see that.

"Talk to me!" they would beg, shaking him by the shoulders, "Tell me what's going on!" and he would remain silent, bruises hidden beneath his cuffed clothes, and he _knew_ he was being bullied, but he didn't have the words to explain what was going on, didn't have the words to explain why everybody seemed to hate him. And he figured his parents wouldn't really care, anyway—they'd probably just tell him it was his fault and he deserved it, because he always did everything wrong.

"Why don't you love me?" his mother had asked him once.

"Why do you hate me?" he'd wanted to ask her. But the words were lost somewhere between his brain and his vocal chords, so instead he'd said nothing.

The world was chaotic, overwhelming, and didn't make sense—and maybe it was because of this that Nate excelled at his studies, grasping onto _anything_ he understood, anything that _made sense_ and that could somehow compensate for all his deficiencies.

Surely, if he was good at _least_ at a few things—at math, at science, things that even if they didn't make sense when the teacher explained them in class he could still figure out later alone in his room—it could somehow make up for the fact that he seemed to fail pretty much everything else. Maybe if he was _good enough_ at _something_ , people might like him.

His near-perfect scores in certain subjects seemed to mollify his teachers, somewhat, but with his peers it just seemed to make everything worse—it resulted only in more kicks, punches, bruises, accusations of cheating or showing off or one-upping or being a know-it-all or a teacher's pet, and _he didn't_ _understand._

He was punished when he did things poorly, and he was punished when he did things well, and so all he could do was play with his toys and solve his puzzles and wrap his hair around his finger and just try to _breathe._

* * *

Mihael Keehl didn't remember anything before the orphanages.

He didn't remember his parents, or where he'd lived, or if they'd had pets, or anything at all about where he'd come from. His earliest memory was of stealing a chocolate bar from the kitchen at the first orphanage he'd lived in.

He was passed around between orphanages a few times. A "problem child" and a "brilliant child," they called him, often alternatingly, occasionally within the same sentence.

He'd taught himself how to pick locks, how to pickpocket, how to sneak around without setting off any alarms. And he'd figured out that if he followed certain rules and excelled in his studies, it made it easier to get away with a lot of other things. As long as his grades were the best in orphanage, many of the adults would turn a blind eye to his misbehaviors.

He'd also discovered that some of them had secrets, like smoking cigarettes out back even though they weren't supposed to, and that he could threaten them onto his side with blackmail. It gave him a sense of power and control.

The orphanages were harsh, nearly lawless worlds where the strong climbed to the top and the weak were trampled, unless they caught the eye of an adopting family. But Mihael knew how to turn the lawlessness to his advantage, and he developed a fierce demeanor that kept the adopting families from every considering him. All the children who cried for their lost families had taught him that a family was not something he needed—families were things that made you weak, that made it easy for you to be hurt or walked over.

He didn't remember his parents or anybody ever taking care of him; he'd always been fending for himself against other kids older and bigger than him. Especially since he'd always been on the small side for his age, and it made it worse that he was often mistaken for a girl.

He'd realized early on, though, that the key to power was to find out what somebody wanted, acquire it, and then hold it over them. All he had to do was bribe the bullies with something they wanted, and make himself indispensable to them so that they couldn't afford to even try to hurt him; if they wanted candy, or toys, or cheat sheets to tests, they needed to stay on his good side.

It was easy to scare people, too. As long as he never let his confidence waver, it was easy to threaten them; he didn't even need something to back up the threat with, necessarily, as long as his bluffing was good enough. After getting switched out of the first orphanage, though, he'd learned that it wasn't a good idea to threaten the adults—threats only worked against those with less power, or who perceived themselves to have less power.

He'd learned, as well, that it was better to play fair—to state one's terms, have them be fair to both sides (or at least appear to be), and then stick to them—because cheating people made enemies. After getting switched out of the second orphanage, he'd learned that it was better to make allies, and that wronging people made them seek revenge.

People would go to drastic measures to get revenge, he'd learned. He was good at learning from his mistakes.

He couldn't figure out why he was switched out of the third orphanage, though. The adults called him a "brilliant child," without mentioning the "problem child" part, and they told him that he was being sent to another orphanage where his "talents" would be "cultivated" without mentioning the part about "stricter rule enforcement." As far as he could tell, they were switching him out to somewhere called "Wammy's House" because he'd done too well on a test.

It didn't really matter to him, though. He'd be at the bottom of the totem pole at the new orphanage again, but as always he'd just work his way back to the top.

* * *

Nate didn't cry when his parents died. Boys weren't supposed to cry—he knew that.

"Why aren't you crying?" his mother's sister wailed, and slapped him across the cheek. "Your mother and father are _dead!_ Don't you feel anything, you worthless child?! The least you can do is _cry!"_

He didn't understand; boys weren't supposed to cry.

* * *

Mihael had spent the entire trip to Wammy's House testing boundaries. Were they taking him because the previous orphanage paid them to, or did they actually want him because of his test scores?

"Mellow out," the man in charge of him—Roger was his name—kept telling him. "Please, mellow out."

Mihael refused. Roger's eyes were shifty, like he was hiding something. And no matter how much he kicked the plane seat in front of him or stomped his feet or talked back to the man, Roger never once threatened to leave him on the streets, which was the usual tactic. It was even odder that when he tried to slip away and Roger grabbed his hand and held onto him, the man actually appealed to his intelligence to convince him to stay put.

Maybe they wanted him for because of his test scores after all? But why? What did they want him for? There was something suspicious going on.

When they finally arrived at the new orphanage, he was told that he needed to pick a fake name because he was going to be trained to be a replacement for the greatest detective in the world and people might try to kill him.

" _Huh?!"_ he said.

He was annoyed at the time, after spending hours in a plane and then a car with the man called Roger—whose real name probably wasn't actually Roger—who had just kept telling him to mellow out. "Call me Mellow, then," he snapped.

Then he paused, and actually thought about it. "But remove the W at the end, 'cause it looks weird."

* * *

Nate wasn't surprised when he ended up at an orphanage, rather than with relatives—he knew they all hated him. Everybody hated him.

It didn't surprise him, either, that the old man who took him to the orphanage was pretending to be nice to him. No doubt the man had ulterior motives; he'd learned from experience that whenever anyone was nice to him, and he thought he'd made friends, they quickly turned on him, even nastier than before, and used the trust he'd placed in them to hurt him.

People only acted kind when they had ulterior motives, it seemed, and everybody hated him, and for some reason they all seemed to get enjoyment from hurting him—so he clearly couldn't trust anyone.

So even though the man was being nice to him, he knew the hell would start when he got to the orphanage; it would be just like school, he thought, but 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52.1429 weeks a year, and he wouldn't even have a room to himself to hide in. It would be constant environmental stimuli, constant anxiety, constant ridicule, constant bruises, constant hatred.

He stayed silent the entire trip there—through the entire drive and then the airport and the plane ride and the next drive—obsessively twirling his hair around a finger, focusing on that one sensation, just trying to _breathe_.

And yet, even though he knew he couldn't trust the older man, he clung to the man's hand, sticking as close to him as possible, because facing the orphanage had to be better than being abandoned on the streets—he'd never survive that, he knew. Even clinging to the old man's hand, the world was too much—the constant press of bodies, the crying and screaming of babies, the clacking and scuffing of shoes, the rattling of luggage, the cacophony of voices, the flashing of lights, the stench of car exhaust and cigarettes on the streets along with something unidentifiable and acrid, the stuffiness of the air in the plane, the vibrating of the car, the sunlight in his eyes, the air brushing over his skin.

He didn't sleep during any of it—he couldn't have even if he'd wanted to—and by the time they finally reached the orphanage his body was numb, his brain shutting down from sleep-deprivation and overstimulation, his vision blurry and pixelated, his heart fluttering and his breathing fast and shallow; he simply couldn't take any more, and he was tugged along by the old man, nearly deaf and blind, into the mansion.

He was taken into an office space, and the old man was talking to him, but he had no idea what the man was saying; he couldn't process any of it. He just remained silent, staring blankly, desperately twirling his hair around his fingers.

But the lights in the office were dim and calming, and the man's voice was patient and low, and slowly Nate began to pick out his words and comprehend some kind of meaning.

"Do you know why you're here, Nate?"

His hair was smooth and soft around his finger, tickling slightly. _Twirl, twirl. "_ Because my parents are dead."

"Yes, that's why you're in an orphanage. But Wammy's House is an orphanage for gifted children, and you're here because you have incredible talents, and we want to help you cultivate them."

 _Twirl, twirl._ Why?

"Have you ever heard of L?"

 _Twirl, twirl._ No.

"L is the world's greatest detective, and this orphanage is designed to raise gifted children to become L's successor. However, L has many enemies, so he keeps his name secret to protect himself. Since you and all the other children here are being educated to be his successors, you also all go by aliases. Do you understand?"

 _Twirl, twirl._ Yes. This is your ulterior motive.

"So I need you to pick an alias. It can be anything, but preferably something short. The only real requirement is that it should begin with the same letter as your first name."

 _Twirl, twirl._ Why?

"Nate, I need you to pick an alias. It's the rule here at Wammy's House."

 _Twirl, twirl._ An alias…?

His first name was Nate and his last name was River. The first two letters of Nate were N and A. The last two letters of River were E and R. N, A, E, and R. If he rearranged those letters into a word that made sense—

"Nate?"

 _Twirl, twirl._ If I'm supposed to go by an alias, then stop calling me by my name.

—"Call me Near."

* * *

Mello didn't pay much attention to the new kid at first.

Yeah, sure, the boy's hair was so platinum-blond that it was practically white, and his eyes were so dark-gray they were practically black, and he wore pajamas all the time and never played outside with the rest of them, but that didn't make him worth more than a curious second-look followed by an indifferent shrug. There were a lot of weird kids at Wammy's House, but none of them were idiots.

Mello mostly ignored the new kid for a few days; he was quiet, and mostly just sat inside and played with toys or puzzles, when they weren't taking classes.

One day, though, he felt those dark eyes staring at him, and he figured he might as well go introduce himself; best-case scenario the kid would make a good ally, and worst-case scenario he'd at least learn a little more about him—and information was more valuable than money in Wammy's House.

So Mello sauntered over, throwing on a grin. "Hi," he said, offering his hand to the other boy. "I'm Mello."

The boy stayed sitting on the ground, looking at him with those dark eyes, twirling a lock of white hair around his fingers. When he spoke, his voice was soft, and odd in a way that Mello couldn't quite put his finger on. "Short for melodramatic?"

"What?" Mello asked, lowering his hand. Had this kid just spurned him, or—?

"Melo," the boy said evenly, turning back to his puzzle, placing another piece. "Is it short for melodramatic?"

"No, what the hell!" Mello said, anger surging. What kind of person _was_ this kid, to hear 'Mello' and then immediately come to a conclusion as out of left field as _that?_

"It was just a guess," the boy shrugged, and Mello finally realized what was weird about the boy's voice—it was almost completely lacking in inflection, and he spoke in an odd cadence, as if each word were a separate puzzle piece he was meticulously placing together.

"Well, you guessed wrong," Mello said, crossing his arms. "'Mello' has two L's, not one. But there's no W at the end."

The boy just nodded silently, placing another puzzle piece.

Mello felt his ire rise. "You're supposed to introduce yourself back when somebody introduces themself to you first, you know."

The boy didn't so much pause as freeze. After a moment, he said quietly: "I'm Near."

"Near, huh?" Mello couldn't help but sneer. "And how'd you come up with _that?_ "

Near shrugged, and placed the next puzzle piece. "It was just the first thing that popped into my head." Under his breath, he repeated the word "Popped" to himself a few more times, punctuating each repetition of the word with another placement of a puzzle piece.

Mello decided that Near wasn't ally material, and walked off, calling "Well, it was good to meet you, Near. See you around," over his shoulder; just because Near was weird didn't mean he wanted to make the kid his enemy. If he was ever challenged to a team puzzle-solving competition, he'd want Near on his team, after all—it would be better to maintain relatively cordial relations.

And he maintained that opinion of Near up until Near decided to play King of the Mountain, and took Mello's place at the top.

That was when Mello knew that Near was his self-declared enemy.

* * *

It didn't take Near long to come to the conclusion that being orphaned and brought to Wammy's House was probably the best thing that had ever happened to him.

From the outside the orphanage looked like simply like a well-kept and rather homely mansion, and the inner décor reflected the same theme—polished hardwood floors, intricately-patterned mahogany wainscoting, colorful stained-glass windows, old-fashioned brass chandeliers, the kinds of high-ceilinged rooms that looked as if they should be collecting dust and cobwebs—but the facilities were all state of the art.

Computer labs full of high-powered computers, a large and contemporary gym, an extensive library filled with rows upon rows of bookshelves on almost every subject imaginable, and a dining hall with food that didn't taste terrible. Near even got his own room—which was large enough to hold a massive selection of toys and puzzles—where he could retreat to be alone when the other students became too much.

But even the other students were easier to deal with than any of his peers from before—they didn't push him, or punch him, or kick him, or slap him, or trip him, or even seem to direct very much verbal anger at him, either. Mostly they avoided him, or engaged in odd behavior that he eventually understood was supposed to get some kind of rise out of him, some kind of desired response, but since he never understood what they wanted from him so he simply didn't react, or else replied with "No, thank you," which his mother had told him repeatedly was what you were supposed to say to an offer you didn't want to take.

There were a few occasions, though, where the other students almost seemed to accept him; like when he earned almost-perfect scores on tests they said "Wow," and "Good job." And he thought that maybe this was it: something he was _good enough_ at that people would actually _like_ him.

And at first excelling at the studies there was just that—something he could do _right_ to make up for all the _wrong_ he committed; he hadn't really been interested in the subjects. The classes at Wammy's House were all taught by distinguished masters of everything from firearms and self-defense—horrible, horrible things that were too _loud_ and too _overwhelming_ and which he refused to participate in—to criminology and forensic science.

But what had eventually piqued his interest were the case studies—the past cases of the legendary supersleuth, L. The library had an entire shelf full of binders with all the information concerning each case, providing all the information, detailing all the steps L had taken to solve the case, in chronological order.

When Near wasn't in class or playing with toys, he could be found sitting on the floor of the library, pouring over L's cases, reading them from front to back cover and trying to memorize them, treating them as puzzles and trying to solve them before the conclusions of the cases were presented.

They were puzzles, which could be reasoned through logically, and which had clear right and wrong answers, and helped make the world a safer and more orderly place, something that both _made sense_ and had _meaning—_

And Near had never enjoyed anything so much in his entire life.

* * *

Mello hated Near more than he'd ever hated anybody in his entire life.

It used to be Mello that the other kids crowded around after test results were handed back, admiring his score. It used to be Mello who was chosen as having the best strategy and the most accurate conclusion during practice cases. It used to be Mello that that the other students would defer to for opinions and advice. It used to be to Mello that Roger would express his approval of.

But then that strange, pale boy had shown up, and everything had changed.

The other kids crowded around Near after tests, saying things like "Wow, Near, you beat Mello!" It was Near who was lauded for having the best solutions to practice cases, while Mello's strategies were criticized as being "too reckless" or "too outlandish." The other students started going to Near for opinions and advice, and Near was the one that Roger smiled at.

And no matter what Mello did, he couldn't earn his place back.

He burnt the midnight oil to study, pushing himself harder than ever before, absorbing information till he felt like his eyes would bleed. He solved more practice cases than any two of the other students put together.

But still he pulled up short.

No matter how much studying he did, Near always scored several points ahead of him. No matter how many cases he solved, it never made any difference, and Near— _Near_ , the _fucking bastard—_ made it a point to _point out his mistakes in front of everybody._

Near would tell everybody what he'd done wrong, and what he should have done better—would contradict him at every turn—doing his very best to drag Mello's name through the dirt.

And _then_ , after one-upping him during a test, Near even had the _impudence_ to come over and ask mockingly, "Are you okay?"

Because no, Near wasn't satisfied just with being _better_ than Mello—he had rub Mello's nose in how much better he was, and he had to make sure everybody else knew it, too.

Near always either mocked Mello, completely ignored him, or looked at him like he was mud on the bottom of his shoe, and the only time he smiled was when he'd beaten Mello—and it wasn't so much a smile as a supercilious, conceited, delighted, _sadistic_ smirk.

Near must have been a sociopath or something, because he had no interest in anybody or anything aside from making Mello suffer, and he completely lacked scruples, emotional attachment, and any kind of human emotion at all.

To Near, cases were nothing but puzzles, and he solved them in the most unfeeling way possible; all Near cared about was proving, beyond any reasonable doubt, that he was correct—that he was more intelligent and more accurate than Mello—and he would use whatever methods necessary in order to get that proof, even if it meant the cases would take longer and more innocents and agents would die.

Near didn't seem to understand that speed in solving a case was just as important as accuracy, and that sometimes that could only be achieved by throwing a wrench into the works and forcing the criminal to make an unplanned move that would be easily bungled and result in a quicker capture that would subsequently save lives.

But to Near, people were nothing but objects to be toyed with, used, and then disposed of—just like his Lego blocks, his dice, his cards, his matches, his darts, his robots—and he would watch them all die while sitting there calmly and twirling his fucking hair around his fingers like he hadn't a care in the world. All that mattered to him was proving that he was right.

Near was a fucking _sociopath_ , and he had the _gall_ to criticize Mello for being "reckless" and "too emotional."

"Too emotional?!" Mello would yell. _"Too emotional?!_ This coming from the person who _doesn't feel anything!"_

And Near just sat there, blatantly ignoring him, twirling his hair like he couldn't even be bothered.

* * *

Near didn't understand why Mello seemed to hate him so much.

Admittedly, everyone he'd ever met seemed to hate him, due to some fundamental difference between themselves and him that he seemed unable to breach. But Mello's hatred seemed different, somehow (some difference aside from the fact that Mello never physically hurt him, as none of the other kids at Wammy's House physically hurt him, either).

But more than the general hatred of the other students, it seemed that Mello perceived some kind of personal offense, as if Near had done something to him—but Near had never done anything to him.

He genuinely liked Mello.

The blond boy who always wore all black had come over to introduce himself when most of the other students had simply ignored him, and once had even complimented him once his skill at solving puzzles.

Near had thought they might have been friends.

Friends, he thought, were supposed to help each other, so when he saw that Mello made a mistake he would point it out. Near hated being wrong, so he appreciated it when people pointed out his mistakes so that he could fix them and then be right, because he liked being right; it made him feel happy to be right, to have done something correctly. And so he thought that Mellow would appreciate knowing that he'd made a mistake so that he could fix it, too, so that then he could be right.

Mello usually got upset, after that, but Near figured it was just the sting of realizing he'd been wrong, and once the sting went away he'd be grateful, and then he'd be happy.

When he saw later that Mello was still upset, he tried asking "Are you okay?" because that was what you were supposed to say to people when they were upset, in order to show that you cared about them.

Or at least, that was what he'd thought you were supposed to say. But Mello just got more upset, so Near figured that maybe he'd learned that rule wrong. But nobody was telling him exactly what he'd gotten wrong, and what the correct thing to do in that situation was, so he retreated; obviously, they didn't care enough about him to help him when he made mistakes.

He kept trying to help Mello, though. He thought maybe if he continued helping Mello, it would show that he cared, and they could be friends. Mello especially had a habit of letting his emotions skew his reasoning, which often led him to think something was true even when the evidence pointed to it being untrue, or vice versa, or else Mello made reckless decisions on insufficient data that could cause unrepairable damage if they went badly, and then Mello would lose. Near liked Mello; he didn't want him to lose. But Mello seemed to confuse speed with accuracy, as well as confusing being the first with being the winner, when the two were entirely different. Near thought that Mello would appreciate an explanation of the distinction, and tried to explain to the best of his abilities.

But either he wasn't very good at explaining and so Mello didn't understand, or else he was fine at explaining but Mello simply didn't want his help, but he couldn't tell which. Mello never said "I don't understand," or, "I don't need your help." He only ever got upset more upset. And yet, no matter how upset he got, he never actually said what was upsetting him, so Near didn't know to fix it.

When Near tried to point out how Mello was letting his emotions cloud his judgment, Mello tended to respond with something along the lines of: " _Too emotional?!_ This coming from the person who _doesn't feel anything!"_

It was an accusation that Near had heard all too often, and it hurt, causing him to retreat into himself and become unresponsive. He did feel things; he felt things intensely.

The anger and the pain and the frustration at his own ineptitude overwhelmed him, and he had to focus on a puzzle or toy—or, if there were no puzzles or toys conveniently nearby, twirling his hair around his fingers—some small, repetitive action just to calm himself and suppress the emotions enough that actual concrete thought was possible. Otherwise he'd be completely swept away in a blind and uncontrollable panic that he wasn't sure he'd be able to return from.

Rational thought and strong emotion could not coincide.

And yet, somehow Mello was able to form long, complicated sentences, and able to speak them quickly, even while he was furious, while Near couldn't even think of a single word in response.

Mello would keep yelling at him, though. But despite all his talking, Mello wasn't really saying anything; his words were meaningless. He was simply making baseless accusations, rather than saying what was actually wrong, and so Near was left clueless and feeling completely helpless, and later he would pour himself into cases because they were the only things in his world that made logical sense, and solving them was the only thing that gave Near some semblance of control and a feeling something akin to happiness.

* * *

In his entire life, Mello had never wanted to hit anyone as much as he wanted to hit Near—and he'd never expended so much effort forcing himself to hold back.

He couldn't let himself hit Near; their fight wasn't one that could be won with fists. They were fighting an intellectual battle—a battle of wits and intelligence, a battle to see who would become the next L.

But no matter how hard Mello fought—no matter how hard he studied, no matter how much he practiced—Near remained Number One, while Mello remained nothing but an inferior runner-up.

 _See, Mello?_ Near's smirk seemed to say, merciless beneath his dark, dead eyes. _You're not worthy of being L's successor._

* * *

In his entire life, Near had never wanted anything as much as he wanted to be L.

Everybody hated and disparaged Near. Everybody loved and respected L. Ergo: Near was bad; L was good. Ergo: everything Near did was bad; everything L did was good. Ergo: If Near did things like L, the things he did would be good. Ergo: if he did things that were good, people would love and respect him. Ergo: he should do things the same way as L.

 _Think,_ he would tell himself, twirling his hair around his fingers, focusing his attention on the tickle of the soft strands as he tried to keep his breathing steady. _Think of what L would do in this situation._

He could never figure out what was the right thing to do; no matter what he did, he was always wrong: ergo, there was something wrong with him.

But if he could just be just like L, he figured all his problems would be fixed.

* * *

Everything in Wammy's House was about L.

Stories about L's achievements took the status of legends. The world's greatest and most confounding mysteries, impossible murders, the most tangled or seemingly nonexistent threads of evidence, the most seemingly supernatural cases—and he solved them all using logical reasoning, acute deductions and inspired inductions, with an unwavering determination and resilience.

They studied his cases in class, they read his cases for fun, they told the stories of his cases at night when they were supposed to be falling asleep.

It was L this, L that—L, L, L.

L was their idol, and they respected and adored him.

They may not have known what L looked like, but they knew exactly who L was:

L was the only force of good in an evil and unfair world that had taken their families from them, that had left them alone, that had victimized them and the people around them (a world in which crimes were committed that haunted their nightmares and made them vomit till their stomachs were empty and then keep dry-heaving).

L was their idol—their definition of success, their avatar of intelligence, their seraph of justice—and more than anything in the world they wanted to be worthy of him.

* * *

The Los Angeles BB Murder Case was what finally forced L to stop ignoring the fact that Wammy's House existed.

When he finally researched the orphanage, though, he could only stare at the information in horror.

"You've turned me into an impossible prototype," he breathed. He turned to look at Watari, his black eyes wide-open and sleepless. "They're killing themselves because of me, Watari. This is brainwashing. You're committing child abuse and involuntary manslaughter."

"L," said Watari gently, "weren't you the one who told me that the ends justified the means?"

L clenched his hands around his ankles so they'd stop shaking.

* * *

Mello was kneeling on the bathroom floor with a blade pressed against the skin of his wrist when he finally understood why A had killed himself.

Mello's eyes were wide and he was breathing hard, the blade trembling in his hand. He remembered thinking that A had been weak and B had been a coward; he'd been so sure, at the time, that he was going to succeed L as the best, that in his mind they had been nothing but pathetic, overdramatic fools.

But now it had been over two years since Near had showed up, and in that entire time Mello hadn't once—not even _once—_ beaten him at a test of intelligence. No matter what he did, he was always second— _always._ He was _never_ good enough. Not _ever._

The role of L, which had seemed to so close, was now somewhere beyond his reach.

(His dreams were haunted by Near's pale figure walking ahead of him in a dark tunnel, and he'd reach out grab the collar of his shirt, struggling through the thick darkness to catch up with him and then pass him—because he knew, he _knew_ that L would be there, waiting at the end of the tunnel—but his grasp would fall short, and struggle as he might Near's shining figure got farther and farther away, until finally Mello was alone in total blackness with the sensation of falling, faster and faster with the wind rushing past him, waking up only just before he knew he'd hit the ground.)

Nothing he did made any difference. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing—he could do nothing, he had nothing—while Near had _everything._ Practically all Near did was play with his stupid fucking _toys_ , and yet somehow he was better than Mello—he was better than Mello without even _trying_ , that damn _smirk_ on his face saying that solving cases, to him, was as easy as _breathing,_ while Mello was—

Mello was fighting his hardest, but he could barely keep his head above the water.

And it hurt. It hurt more painfully than anything he'd ever felt, anything he'd ever imagined; a pain that begged him to drag the blade over his skin just to replace the sensation with something else—to find some kind of relief through the sting of his wrists and the red drip of blood—and he had a feeling that if he climbed up to the roof of Wammy's House and looked down to the courtyard below, the view would be eerily enticing; a bright and heavenly expanse of silver in the moonlight. (Was that what A had seen? Was that what he had jumped towards? Or had he simply been trying to get away from the darkness closing in around him?)

The blade trembled above Mello's skin; if he let it slip, he knew he wouldn't be the only student there with scars on his wrists. And that, more than anything, was what made him finally drop the knife, curling his fingers in his hair as he stared down at the pale-turquoise tiles of the bathroom floor, his chest heaving, a disgustingly bitter taste in his mouth. He wouldn't lower himself to the level of the rest of them.

He just wanted the pain to _stop—_ but drawing the knife over his skin would be as good as admitting defeat, and he couldn't admit defeat. Not yet. Not ever. He was going to be Number One—just as long as he kept fighting, he told himself, it would be as inevitable as the sun rising.

But something—he needed _something—_ something to dull the weight that was crushing his chest and fogging his mind.

When he surreptitiously returned the knife to the kitchen, he found an unwrapped chocolate bar on the counter. He wasn't sure quite what possessed him to grab it—to rip open the wrapper and then take a vicious bite—but he needed _something_.

(And chocolate, it turned out, made life a little sweeter and more bearable.)

* * *

It took Near a while to even begin to understand the concepts of jealousy and envy. And even then, it was only due to Roger's explanations.

Near, trying to be helpful, had pointed out a mistake that Mello had made, figuring Mello would want to fix it—and Mello had leapt to his feet, fists clenched, and yelled, _"_ _Goddamn you_ , Near! Thinking you're better than everybody! Get off your high-horse already!" and stormed out of the room, pulling out a chocolate bar and biting off a hunk of it as he went, leaving Near horribly confused and desperately twisting his hair around his fingers.

 _Twirl, twirl._ I think I'm better than everybody? _Twirl._ Mello, you couldn't be more wrong…

"He's jealous of you, Near," said Roger gently. "And envious."

 _Twirl, twirl._ I don't understand. _Twirl._ "Please define those terms."

"He's jealous of you because he used to be ranked Number One at Wammy's House, but that title now belongs to you."

 _Twirl._ That doesn't make any sense. _Twirl._ I never asked for that title. _Twirl._ How is that my fault?

"And he's envious of you because he believes you have skills that he lacks."

 _Twirl, twirl._ I've been trying to tell him that he lets his emotions get in the way. _Twirl._ If he just followed my advice, he wouldn't make so many mistakes. _Twirl, twirl._ How is that my fault?

"He thinks that you're better than him, Near, and that hurts him, because he wants to be the best."

 _Twirl, twirl._ Mello thinks I'm better than him…? _Twirl, twirl._ That doesn't make any sense.

Why did placement matter so much to Mello? It was true that Mello was technically second according to official records, but it wasn't by much. And Mello was much more well-liked than he was. Near was hated, but people _liked_ Mello. And Mello always seemed to know what to do and what to say in situations involving other people.

So why would Mello envy him? Aside from classwork and practice cases, everything Near did was wrong. But aside from the few occasional mistakes Mello made in classwork and practice cases, everything he did was right. By Near's calculations, Mello was succeeding at about 87% of his life, while Near himself was only succeeding at about 35% of his life. Which made his 65% life failure rate much larger than Mello's 13% life failure rate, which meant that Mello was doing significantly better than he was.

So why would Mello resent him? Besides, he was actually trying to _help_ Mello decrease his mistakes, while Mello was doing absolutely nothing to help Near decrease his.

Roger was staring at him, and it was making him uncomfortable. Was he supposed to answer?

But… _Twirl, twirl._ "I don't understand."

Roger let out a long, audible breath; the sound was loud and resembled the sighs Near had come to associate with a disappointed lecture, and he twirled his hair faster, trying to will his heart-rate back down.

 _Twirl, twirl, twirl, twirl._ What have I done wrong now?

"Who would you say is the best, Near?"

 _Twirl, twirl._ "L."

"Mello thinks so too. And who do you think will become L's successor?"

 _Twirl, twirl._ "I don't know." How would I know that?

"L will choose. So what kind of person do you think L will choose?"

 _Twirl, twirl._ "I don't know." How would I know that?

"Do you want to be the next L, Near?"

 _Twirl, twirl._ "Yes."

"Well, Mello wants to be the next L, too. But only one person can be L's successor."

 _Twirl, twirl._ "Why?" Is that a rule?

Roger sighed again.

 _Twirl, twirl, twirl, twirl._

"What I'm trying to say, Near, is that Mello is afraid that L will choose you. That makes him angry, because he wants to be chosen."

 _Twirl, twirl._ "I see." But how is that my fault? _Twirl._ "I don't get it."

"His anger towards you is misplaced, Near. He's not really angry at you; he's angry at himself."

 _Twirl, twirl._ Mello always lets his emotions get in the way. "I see." _Twirl._ "We both want to be L, and therefore we're competing, which necessitates antagonistic relations."

"That's how Mello sees it, yes."

 _Twirl, twirl._ "I see."

* * *

L noticed that Watari had a habit of springing unpleasant things—which usually involved the matter of his successor—on him as soon as he'd finished a case.

Which was admittedly tactful, on Watari's part; during a case L was far too preoccupied and tenacious, and between cases he was far too depressed and listless. But right after the high of successfully closing a challenging case?

Yes, that was the ideal time to inconvenience him with the matter of the children being raised (brainwashed) to be his successor(s), and L resented Watari for it.

"L," Watari said, as soon as L had made certain the criminal was properly apprehended and turned off the mic, and the tone of Watari's voice combined with the timing of the utterance made L tense.

"Yes, Watari?" he said warily. _It's going to be about choosing a successor again._

"I think you should talk with the children at Wammy's House," Watari said. "It would give them a chance to meet their idol, and give you a chance to observe them and decide if there is a child present who could take over for you."

 _I knew it,_ L thought, his hands clenching over his knees.

"It would be voice-only over the computer," Watari continued. "It would be no different from your meetings with the Interpol representatives."

 _Except that they're children,_ thought L. _Children that you've indoctrinated into worshiping me like I'm some kind of God of Justice._

 _And I'm still only 24. Why should I have to pick a successor right now?_ "I'm not going to die anytime soon, Watari."

"I never suggested you would," Watari said. "I merely think a meeting at this time would benefit them as well as yourself."

 _That was vaguely worded._

L looked down, biting his thumb. "Fine," he mumbled; he could put up more resistance, but they both knew he was going to have to relent to Watari's request to evaluate his potential successors eventually, so he figured he might as well get it over with.

 _And the least I can do is tell them the truth._

* * *

Matt (once known as Mail Jeevas, but that was a stupid name, and he liked Matt better) had never wanted to be L.

L was awesome, sure; Matt admired L as much as the next Wammy's House orphan. But he'd never had any interest in solving criminal cases.

He didn't particularly care about all the crime in the world—his parents had been two of the millions of people who died in car crashes each year; they hadn't been killed in any crime, so he had no personal investment in justice.

And as far as puzzles and challenges went, real life crimes weren't even that great. They were messy and depressing and you needed to work with other people. Video games were way better—they were actually _designed_ as challenges, and they were clean, and you could do them alone, and best of all: _unlike in real life, you could actually come back to life after you died, and try again._

So Matt had never really understood what everyone's obsession with being L was.

He was perfectly happy to hear stories about L's cases, but his thoughts while listening to them were more along the lines of _That would make a great video game. Why hasn't anybody made that into a video game yet?_ Or a dismissive _Nope, that case wouldn't make a very good game. Boooooring!_

When he tried to tell the other kids that he didn't want to be L, though, they never believed him. Which was kind of strange, given that he didn't study _at all,_ because he was literally playing video games every spare moment, and sometimes even snuck a Game Boy into class (because damn, criminal justice was _boring as hell_ ).

"But you're in third place!" the other kids would remind him. "You're right after Mello!"

Which was true, but he wasn't _trying_ to be in third place. That was really all Mello's fault: Mello had Matt help him study, since he wanted to beat Near so badly, and Matt just kind of accidentally memorized some of the information while he was grilling Mello on it. Totally not his fault he was in third place.

It weighed on him, though—the orphanage-wide obsession with being L. L was all they were being raised to be, so it never really occurred to him that he could be anything else; he was just going to become a failed L. Really, it was obvious that either Mello or Near was going to become L, so Matt didn't get why the other kids even still tried. And he didn't understand what Mello and Near's problems were—seriously, those two were crazy. The lengths that they pushed themselves to made Matt's head hurt just to watch.

At least Mello was still reasonably human about the whole thing, though. Mello was easily Matt's best friend in the entire orphanage, even despite his obsession with being the best; Mello was just a cool guy. And he was probably the only one who understood that Matt _really actually didn't want to be L._ Which Matt was pretty sure was why Mello actually hung out with him so much—because Matt didn't want to be L, Mello didn't see him as a threat, so he was safe to study with and confide in.

Also, Matt was easy to bribe. Seriously, he hated criminal justice, but if Mello was promising him cigarettes (which they weren't supposed to have) or new video games that had recently been released (which Roger didn't always buy for Matt right away), then _hell yeah_ Matt would help Mello study criminal justice. (How Mello managed to actually _procure_ the cigarettes and video games, though, Matt had no idea—Mello kept it a well-guarded secret).

Near, though… Matt didn't know what was up with Near. He was really quiet, and basically only talked when directly questioned, or when pointing out someone's—usually Mello's—errors. He was almost robotic in his mannerisms, logic capacity, and information-retention, and yet he was ridiculously childish at the same time, always playing with toys of some sort. And not even electronic toys, either—boring things like building blocks and dominoes.

Matt didn't hate the kid, but he was a little unnerving. And Mello was Matt's friend, and Mello really hated Near, so if Matt tried to talk to Near too much then Mello would probably make his life difficult by breaking his favorite video games or something; Mello could be intense like that. And Matt really just didn't want to get mixed up in whatever was going on between them—seriously, their L obsession and competition to be the best was ridiculous.

And the whole L thing was taken so _seriously_ by everyone, too. And they hadn't even _met_ the guy.

So when they finally _did_ get to meet him—well, not really _meet_ him so much as _speak_ with him, since he was talking through a laptop and all they saw was the letter L he always used—Matt couldn't help but ask him a ridiculous question.

Because really, why not? They had L— _the_ L—stuck there answering all their questions, so as long as they were monopolizing the time of the World's Greatest Detective, Matt might as well ask him something ridiculous.

"What's your favorite video game?" Matt had asked, grinning.

The answer, predictably, had been, " _I don't play video games,"_ but Matt was pleased nonetheless. Because he'd asked something pointless _and L had still answered him._

Having L answer all their questions was kind of fun, but it wasn't until the end of the question-and-answer session that L said anything of significance.

But what he said then changed Matt's world.

" _Figuring out difficult cases is my hobby… The same way you all like to solve mysteries and riddles, or clear video games more quickly… for me, too, it's simply prolonging something I enjoy doing."_

He learned later that the speech had crushed many of the other kids' hopes, but since he didn't actually care about justice like they'd thought he did, but L's words had set Matt free.

Matt hadn't planned on solving criminal cases, anyway, but he'd been made to feel like a disappointment about it; L's speech, though, had justified him and eased the burden of expectations.

L was just doing something that he liked doing, after all. He didn't have any higher calling. So Matt, too, was just going to live his life doing things that he liked doing.

He didn't have to be L, or be the best, or anything like that; just being Matt was enough.

(And he was sure that's what L would think, too.)

* * *

The Wammy's House children don't disappoint L—in fact, they perfectly met his expectations.

His expectations had been extremely low.

There were sixteen of them in total, and they crowded so closely around the computer that it made him feel uncomfortable; he would have backed up away from the screen, if it weren't for the fact that he needed to speak into the microphone, the fact that he'd have had to move the armchair, and the fact that he had to choose one of the children to get Watari to stop nagging him about it.

So he remained perched on the chair with their eager faces crowding the screen, clenching his hands over his knees and feeling grateful that the voice-scrambler removed any irritation that might have colored his voice.

Most of the questions they asked him were hopelessly inane:

"What was your favorite case to work on?" (Answer: "Whatever case I'm working on at the time is my favorite. If I held onto favorites it would only encumber future cases.")

"Do you ever feel scared?" (Answer: "It is not whether or not one feels fear that matters, but whether or not one is able to think clearly even in trying circumstances.")

"What's the most important quality for a detective to have? (Answer: "The ability to keep your food down.")

And even: "What's your favorite video game?" (Answer: "I don't play video games.")

Finally, though, one of them asked the question he was waiting for (or at least, close enough to it): "Where did you get your sense of justice?"

Answer: "It's not a sense of justice. Figuring out difficult cases is my hobby. If you measured good and evil deeds by current laws, I would be responsible for many crimes."

 _I am not a saint._

Their faces crumpled in distress and confusion, but he continued, because this was something that he needed them to understand: "The same way you all like to solve mysteries and riddles, or clear video games more quickly… for me, too, it's simply prolonging something I enjoy doing."

 _I am not some righteous god._

A few of the faces brightened in understanding, but he continued on mercilessly: "That's why I only take on cases that pique my interest. It's not justice at all. And if it means being able to clear a case, I don't play fair; I'm a dishonest, cheating human being who hates losing."

 _Did you ever consider that possibility?_

There were trembling lips, widened and watery eyes, dropped jaws.

 _Ignoramuses._

Watari brought the question-and-answer session to a close after that.

 _Finally,_ L thought, and stabbed morosely at piece of cake with a fork. _I hate this._

"Did you identify anyone to be your successor?" Watari asked him later.

L stuffed a bite of cake in his mouth. "One of the two in the back. Either the one learning against the wall eating a chocolate bar, or the one crouched on the floor working on a Rubik's Cube." They were the only two children who hadn't asked any questions; they'd simply watched him, nasty glints in their eyes, like they blamed him for something and were analyzing him for weaknesses. Rather than looking surprised or pained at his ending speech, they'd looked interested and delighted. "They'd both do fine." He stuffed another large bite of cake in his mouth.

"Do you want to see their data?" Watari asked.

"No," L mumbled through his mouthful of cake. "I don't need to." He swallowed, then stuffed another bite between his lips before adding resolutely through the mouthful of dessert: "My successor should be one of them."

 _It doesn't really matter, after all; when someone else takes over as L, I'll be dead._ He took another bite of cake. _But whoever becomes my successor should at least share my lack of virtue._

"Very well," said Watari. "I'll ask you to evaluate them again when they're older."

"That's fine." L stabbed the cake with his fork. _If you're going to replace me anyway, why not just go ahead and replace me with two people? It would be more revenue for you._

 _But you wouldn't do that, would you? Because while you're busy trying to replace me, you haven't even considered your own replacement. As far as you're concerned, there's only one Watari; therefore, in your mind, there can only be one L, since you can only be Watari for one person._

 _You're an idiot about certain things, Watari. Those children don't look like they'd need you; they're not me. They can find their own way._

The vicious stabbing of L's fork had reduced the piece of cake to a large pile of frosting-infused crumbs. He put down the fork; he'd need a spoon in order to finish the cake, now.

"Watari," L intoned. "I've picked out successors for you. Now would you please find me an interesting case to work on?"

* * *

It was clear to Mello that the only reason L had 'met' with them at all was in order to observe them.

L was the one gleaning information from them, not the other way around.

And it was clear to him that the only reason L would be doing so would be to observe them so he could choose a successor; he'd probably already looked at their data, so it was probably narrowed down to either him or Near.

Both had them had passed L's test, though—neither of them had said anything. They'd only observed him, gleaning as much information as they could from L, just as he was doing to them—no doubt that was the reaction L had been looking for.

But if Near and he had both passed the test, and L had looked at their data, then he'd probably choose Near.

Mello clenched his fists. _No, I have a chance! If L looked at the data, he probably figured out that Near is a sociopath—and Near also has no skills with guns or martial arts—so maybe…_

It had only been a day since the 'meeting,' but L had probably already made his decision.

Storming through the mansion, Mello found Near sitting on the floor of the common room with one of his puzzles.

"Near!" Mello barked, grabbing the younger boy's wrist and dragging him to his feet an down the hall to Roger's office. "We're getting the answer today, once and for all—which one of us is better!"

Near let himself be dragged along, remaining silent.

Outside Roger's door, Mello paused for a moment to look at the other boy. Near didn't look at back at him, keeping his gaze down. All he did was twirl that stupid lock of hair around his fingers,

Mello scoffed, then turned and barged into Roger's office, letting go of Near's wrist like the boy's skin had burned him.

"Roger!" he demanded. "Which one of us did L choose?"

Roger looked up from his computer, his expression placid. "Mello," he greeted. "Near. I see you figured it out."

"Of course we did!" Mello said impatiently. "So which one of us is it?!"

Roger folded his hands in front of him. "L chose both of you."

"What?!" Mello exclaimed, horrified. "But only one of us can be L! Didn't he look at our data?! He should have been able to make a decision!"

"L did not look at any of your data," said Roger, and Mello took a step back, stunned. "Nor did he look at anyone else's, for that matter. He merely observed you all."

Mello's heart was beating wildly, his eyes wide in shock. "Then…?"

"He said that either you or Near would succeed him," Roger said calmly. "He said he'd make the final decision sometime in the future after another evaluation, when you're older."

Mello slowly turned to look over at Near, but Near still standing there expressionlessly and twirling a lock of platinum hair around his fingers, looking down at the floor—because apparently Mello was still so far inferior to him that he wasn't even worth acknowledging.

Mello's fists clenched and he grit his teeth.

 _This isn't over, Near! I'm still going to win this!_

* * *

Near figured that L's only reason for meeting with them had been to observe them.

Why else would he have taken time off working on a case to answer their pointless and irrelevant questions, if not to analyze his potential successors? There was simply no other logical reason for him to have done so. He had not provided them with any real information. And he'd never interacted with them before, or showed that he had any interest in them, so it made no sense for him to start now unless he was thinking of picking his successor.

And why else would he have answered so bluntly, if not to see how they'd react? He'd been testing them to determine their feelings and how much they'd figured out on their own. His answers had been either glib or pointed, the kinds of statements meant to evoke emotional reactions rather than inspire reflective thought. L probably had access to all their data, so he hadn't been there to test their intelligence—he'd been testing their characters, since that was best done through direct observation.

Which meant that L was probably planning to choose a successor soon.

Near figured that Mello was the only other student who had figured it out, given that he hadn't asked any questions, either. Just like Near, he'd simply been observing L.

Near thus wasn't surprised when Mello came up to him the next day and grabbed him harshly by the wrist, yanking him forcefully to his feet and then dragging him to Roger's office. Knowing Mello, Near had been expecting something of the kind, and had purposefully been working on a puzzle in one of the common areas—despite the room being too bright and the other kids being too loud—so that Mello wouldn't have to cause a ruckus trying to find him or try to break down his door in order to drag him out of his room.

Outside the door to Roger's office Mello paused, and Near could feel the other boy's gaze on him, but he couldn't bring himself to meet those intense blue eyes. He couldn't hold anyone's gaze for very long before he started to panic and had to look away—he couldn't _think_ , otherwise—but with Mello it was even worse; there was so much hatred there.

He didn't look, but he heard Mello give a scoff, heard the door being thrown open, felt the pain in his shoulder as Mello yanked him into into the room, felt the burn of his wrist as Mello shoved him away, the carpet coming unexpectedly beneath his feet and making him stumble slightly.

"Roger!" he heard Mello demand. "Which one of us did L choose?"

Near didn't look at Roger's face, but the man's voice was calm. "Mello. Near. I see you figured it out."

Mello's voice was too loud, and bounced slightly off the walls, causing a slight echo. "Of course we did! So which one of us is it?!"

"L chose both of you.," came Roger's calm voice.

"What?!" Mello exclaimed, too loudly, and Near flinched, desperately curling his hair around his finger and trying to breathe through the throb of pain in his skull as Mello continued at high-volume: "But only one of us can be L! Didn't he look at our data?! He should have been able to make a decision!"

Near again wondered why they couldn't both be L, why the rule was that there could only be one and what the logic of that was—but the thought was chased from his head before he'd even had a chance to try to translate the vague sensation of discomfort into words.

"L did not look at any of your data." Roger's voice remained calm and at a comfortable decibel level. "Nor did he look at anyone else's, for that matter. He merely observed you all."

"Then…?" Mello's voice faltered.

The rug, Near noticed, was a solid, subdued maroon color, the edges rimmed with a simple wheat design on the outside and a line of rectangles just within it, both designs made of a slightly lighter and darker maroon than the rest of the rug. Near traced the patterns with his eyes.

Roger was stating evenly: "He said that either you or Near would succeed him. He said he'd make the final decision sometime in the future after another evaluation, when you're older."

Near was trying to process what that meant, but it was difficult when he could feel the heat of Mello's eyes on him, and his attention was diverted to trying to keep his breathing steady and focusing on the tickling sensation of his hair twirling around his fingers.

It was only later, only in his room in the dark, that Near realized that, Yes, he wanted to be L—but he didn't want Mello to _not_ be L.

He wanted to be L, but he'd never wanted to have to compete with Mello—he'd never wanted to be the receiver of Mello's hatred or the cause of Mello's pain.

But he wanted to be L just as much as Mello did, so he didn't have a choice.

* * *

Mello had always admired L and envied him his role as the World's Greatest Detective, but it wasn't until he heard L speak that the detective truly earned his respect.

The voice-scrambler may have made L's tone of voice impossible to distinguish, but it was clear enough from his answers that he didn't think much of the questions he was being asked, or of the children doing the asking; they were obviously missing the point. They didn't understand L at all.

Mello knew better than to ask questions; L would only have made him look like an idiot, the same as he was doing to the other students. L could never, and would never, treat them as equals—it would go against L's creed.

After all, L solved the world's most difficult cases to prove that he was the best.

It amused Mello somewhat that none of the other students seemed to have figured that out. It was clear enough from L's cases—from his strategies and from any meeting transcripts logged by the police forces—that L's only regard for others was making sure they knew he was the best.

Yes, his goal was to solve cases as quickly and accurate as possible with minimal loss of lives in the process (which Near _still_ didn't seem to understand), but that wasn't because of his morals—it was simply to prove that he was the best at doing so (which was the part that Near probably _did_ actually understand, admittedly).

L wasn't the one who had set society's laws or ethics; he was merely the one taking advantage of them, breaking laws where it suited him and then emblazoning himself as the ultimate upholder of others, either blinding everyone to his manipulations or making it so they had no choice but to overlook them if they wanted the results he provided.

If L had actually cared about justice, he would not have been anywhere near as successful as he was—if he'd cared about justice, he wouldn't have been the best.

Mello had figured that out a long time ago, given that he did the exact same thing (though admittedly only at an orphange-level. L, though, manipulated people in that way at a world-wide level—and for that Mello admired him).

It was L's willingness to admit it, though, that made Mello respect him.

" _If you measured good and evil deeds by current laws, I would be responsible for many crimes…. It's not justice at all. And if it means being able to clear a case, I don't play fair; I'm a dishonest, cheating human being who hates losing."_

The admittance showed that not only was L the most intelligent cheater in the world, but that he was so confident in his abilities that he knew he wouldn't suffer from admitting it, because his strength didn't come from the fact that nobody knew what he was doing—his strength came from the fact that he was _so good_ at solving cases that even when people saw that he was cheating they let him do it anyway.

As long as his result satisfied them—which he made sure they would—it didn't matter what he did to achieve those results, and it didn't matter what people knew that he did, because there was nobody else who could achieve the same results. And L knew that.

So after the question-and-answer session ended, while the other students were stunned, crying, or distressingly begging Wammy to explain (except for Matt, who didn't care about anything and was therefore grinning, and Near, who was a sociopath and therefore had no reaction at all), Mello triumphantly finished his chocolate bar.

L was even better than he'd realized—and he was more determined than ever to take L's place.

* * *

Near had always admired L and wanted to be just like him, but after hearing L speak Near grew to like him more and more.

Near had never understood what justice was. The other children threw the term around in phrases like "L is justice!" and "L will bring justice!" but the word appeared to have no real meaning. It was simply a label for some abstract idea with no clear definition, the same as 'fairness,' and yet it appeared to Near that everyone seemed to have some concrete, innate understanding of what justice was, despite the fact that, whenever he asked any of them how they'd define justice, aside from "Justice is L!" they had difficulty answering.

"Justice is people getting what they deserve," they might say, but that was equally abstract—how did they know what anyone deserved? There didn't appear to be any rules that determined it.

Or they might say, "Justice is criminals getting caught," but that was just laws being enacted. In which case, was following laws justice? And if that was the case, how could L be justice, when L didn't always follow the law? L often did things that seemed to fall into what the other kids would categorize as 'cheating,' yet for some reason it was never called 'cheating' when L was the one who was doing it. They were distressingly inconsistent.

They might also say, "Enacting justice is doing what's right," but how did anyone know what was right? And yet, somehow everybody else seemed to understand, innately, that certain things were 'right' and other things were 'wrong,' without ever being taught, while Near seemed to lack any such ability.

The most that Near could figure out was what was 'illogical' and what was 'logical,' but those categories didn't seem to align with categories of 'wrong' and 'right.'

Consequently, Near didn't understand why most of the other children were so upset when L said he didn't solve cases out a sense of justice. How could they be so attached to the concept of 'justice' when they didn't even seem to know what it was?

So when L bluntly said _"It's not a sense of justice,"_ Near felt relief—because if L wasn't solving cases out of a sense of justice, then Near didn't need to understand what justice was in order to be like L.

And when L bluntly said _"Figuring out difficult cases is my hobby,"_ Near felt like he understood. Because if figuring out difficult cases was L's hobby, that must mean that solving them correctly made him feel happy, which meant that he felt the same way about solving cases as Near did, which meant that Near felt the same way that he did, which meant that Near was similar to L, which meant that Near should be able to become even more like him.

And when L bluntly said _"That's why I only take on cases that pique my interest,"_ Near felt that L was exactly the kind of person who wanted to achieve his own goals. L didn't solve cases in order to be liked, or for the benefit of anyone else, or because it was necessarily the right thing to do; he did it for himself—it just so happened to also fall into the 'right' category.

What Near wanted more than anything was to have some semblance of control over his life—some kind of understanding and competency, so he wouldn't have to be constantly overwhelmed and struggling to figure out what were the right and wrong things to do. He wanted to be free of the constant fear, the constant anxiety, the constant doubt.

And L, he felt, was somebody who was free of those things.

So if Near became L, then he could finally be free of those things, too.

* * *

L was huddled in an armchair with his legs pulled to his chest, a blanket draped over him, hanging over his face so that only his chin and a few locks of too-long black hair were visible.

There was the soft vibration of footsteps, a quiet swishing of clothes, and then a clink of china and silverware on glass.

"L," Watari spoke gently. "I've brought you coffee and cheesecake."

"I'm not interested," L mumbled, pale hands clenching around the blanket and pulling it tighter around him.

Watari exhaled softly. "L. You need to eat something."

L curled up further, folding in on himself so that even his chin and hair were hidden beneath the blanket, his appearance nothing but a misshapen lump of light-blue fleece. "It's been almost six months since I worked on a case, Watari," came his muffled, despondent voice from somewhere within the amorphous mass of fabric. "I'm not hungry."

Watari's voice was light and gentle. "You should go outside, L. It would do you good to get some sunlight and fresh air."

"I don't feel like it," the lump of fleece replied, disconsolate. "I want to work on a case." The light-blue mass shifted slightly. "I think my brain is rotting."

Watari exhaled audibly. "L. I've brought you cases, but you didn't like any of them."

"They weren't interesting," the lump mumbled.

"Maybe it's time to lower your standards, L?" Watari suggested. "If you're this depressed, they might be better than nothing."

"No," mumbled the lump. "They'd just depress me more."

Watari sighed. "Are you sure you don't want to go outside, L?"

"I don't like it outside," mumbled the lump. "Find me a case."

Watari exhaled loudly. "There aren't any. Unless you've suddenly become a cardiologist and are interested in looking into why criminals keep dying of heart attacks."

The lump of blue fleece shifted, the folds raising slightly to reveal a sharp chin and a few locks of black hair. "What?"

"In the past few days, hundreds of criminals around the world have died of heart attacks," Watari said. "But that's a medical issue, not a criminal a case. There's no way that anyone could kill people with heart attacks, especially not without direct contact, and especially not all over the world at the same times."

The lump unfolded, swaths of blue fleece shifting and cascading away to reveal a messy head of wild black hair and and a pale face with two wide black eyes, bright and alert despite the mauve smudges beneath them.

"Watari," L said, "get me all the information you can concerning these heart attacks."

* * *

Near made it a point to follow each of L's cases as well as he could.

After L completed the cases, all the information he'd gathered would be consolidated into a binder which would then appear in the Wammy's House library, but Near also liked to follow the cases as they were happening. There was no way for him to get all the information that L had, of course, so he knew there was no way he'd be able to solve the cases, but that wasn't really what mattered—he could pour over all the information once L had closed the case.

What was important about observing L's current cases, for him, was seeing L's interaction with the world outside of the case—how he used the media, how he negotiated with various countries' governments, what he did and didn't let people know, and how those people responded to him.

Analyzing large amounts of data and coming to logical conclusions was Near's strength—it was the human aspect he still had difficulty with. If he wanted to be L, he needed to know not just how to solve cases like L, but how to interact with the entire world as L—and for that he needed to observe L in action as those outside of Wammy's House without any insider information saw him, because that was something that wasn't included in the case binders.

So when L started investigating the Kira case in Japan, Near started learning Japanese so that he could better follow the case.

* * *

The only reason Mello paid so much attention to L's current cases was because Near did.

It's not like there was any real reason to, after all—L didn't let important information leak. He always kept the goings-on of his cases under wraps until they were completed, and at that point all the information would be made available to them at Wammy's House. And there wasn't any reason to keep tabs on how L was doing on his current cases since it was a given that L would solve them.

But Mello couldn't stand the idea of Near knowing more about L than he did. He wasn't going to let Near beat him—not at anything, and especially not when it came to L.

So when Near started learning Japanese and rubbing his knowledge in Mello's face ("Did you know that L has figured out that Kira is in the Kanto region of Japan, Mello? He's also proved that Kira can't kill him. What do you conclude from that, Mello? You should watch the broadcast; it's very informative."), Mello started learning Japanese and paying attention to news from Japan as well, and rubbing it back in Near's face ("It seems that Kira needs a name and a face to kill; what do you think, Near?").

 _Damnit,_ he wasn't going to let Near be better than him. There was no way.

He had an advantage over Near, though, since he had Matt to help him—Near, on the other hand, had nobody.

* * *

While Near could practice reading Japanese with books and understanding Japanese with audio, there was nobody at Wammy's House whom he could practice speaking Japanese with. This was a problem; he wanted to become fluent.

L, Near knew, was fluent in many languages.

Fortunately, though, it wasn't hard to get Mello to start learning Japanese—all he had to do was make sure he studied Japanese where Mello would see, and then flaunt the information he picked up from Japanese news broadcasts that Mello could have no way of knowing; Mello's obsession with being Number One meant that there was no way he would let Near be the only one to learn Japanese.

Which meant that Near got two people to practice speaking Japanese with—since not only would Mello learn the language, but he'd drag Matt into it, too, and make the older boy help him. And even if Matt wasn't particularly interested in L's cases and tended not to take things seriously, he did have a good memory, and the fact that learning Japanese would open up more video game choices to him might help keep him interested, as well.

But it was really Mello that Near wanted to learn Japanese with. And he knew that Mello's obsession with being the best meant that not only would Mello learn the language if he saw Near learning it, but that he would also push himself to become _better_ at Japanese than Near, which would subsequently push Near to become even better at Japanese, as well. And Mello's desire to flaunt his superiority in Near's face meant that he would definitely speak to Near in Japanese no matter how angry at him he got.

So maybe there was something beneficial to them competing for the place of L after all.

(Or at the very least, Near could use it to his advantage.)

* * *

It was all Mello could do just to keep up with Near, and more than ever before his arms were constantly covered by long sleeves and the floor of his room was constantly littered in chocolate wrappers.

It wasn't that he'd started cutting himself, but rather that he felt the urge to do so with such great frequency that he'd started keeping his arms covered so he wouldn't be tempted; the layer of black fabric he'd have to roll up in order to press the knife to his skin was enough to make him pause and think twice, and he'd reach for a chocolate bar instead.

The chocolate didn't make the pain of failure go away (he hated himself, he hated himself _so much—)_ but it was sweet enough to smother the acrid taste of fear that permeated his mouth (he was _never going to be good enough—_ ), and the _snap_ the chocolate made when he bit pieces from it satisfied his urge to break something. It made him feel vicious and dangerous—gave him a sense of power that partially overrode the feelings of helplessness (when no matter what he did he _couldn't catch up—_ ).

Japanese pronunciations weren't hard, but the grammar was weird, and there were so many kanji to memorize, and so many of them sounded the same but had completely different meanings, and _how did Near memorize everything so quickly?_

And then there was the Kira case, and Near's constant _questions_ and _tests_ ("Did you notice that Kira's victims have changed slightly? What do you make of that, Mello?") _, t_ he constant _gibes_ and _criticisms_ ("There's no need to get so emotional about it, Mello").

And through it all Near was just as emotionless and unperturbed as ever—him with his blank face, his detached voice, the way he was always twirling his hair like the entire world bored him, the way he almost never gave Mello so much as a glance, and the rare times he did it was to look at him disparagingly and then brush him aside again, going back to playing with his _toys_ like he was a fucking _toddler_.

It made Mello _furious_. But he couldn't walk away—he couldn't let Near win. He was going to be Number One. He was going to subvert Near to second place and then rub his failure in his face, just as Near had done to him. He was going to be come L.

( _I'm going to be Number One,_ he told himself, over and over again, chocolate snapping between his- teeth. _I'm going to be Number One._ )

(Because maybe, if he said it enough times, it would finally—)

* * *

It was all Near could do not to succumb to the anxiety, and more than ever before he was fiddling with whatever he had at hand, and avoiding mirrors and the awful person he saw there.

Every time he saw his reflection, it only reminded him of how inherently _bad_ he was, and he'd quickly look away (he never saw his reflection long enough to notice if his hair was sticking up all over the place, or if his shirt was buttoned wrong). There was something wrong with him—he didn't understand people, he couldn't make friends, everybody hated him—and he _didn't know how to fix it._

He was trying, though. He was really trying. And learning Japanese gave him an excuse to talk with Mello—if he wanted to be able to speak Japanese, he had to practice, which meant that he couldn't back out of the conversations. But then there was the problem of: What to talk about? What did friends talk about? What would Mello find interesting? The only thing they had in common was L.

So Near talked about the Kira Case, and L, and tried to engage Mello in conversation about it ("Did you notice that Kira's victims have changed slightly? What do you make of that, Mello?") He thought the case was interesting, and he figured that Mello would find it interesting, too, and he was honestly curious what Mello thought about it.

And Mello would answer, and even ask him questions back and keep the conversation going, but he was always _angry_ , and Near didn't _understand._ What had he done? Why was Mello so angry? ("There's no need to get so emotional about it, Mello…").

He knew that Mello resented him for scoring better on tests, but he was trying to—he wanted—it was supposed to be—he was _trying_ —

It was just conversation, and he knew that Mello admired L as much as he did, and as far as he could tell it was the only thing they really had in common, a shared interest they could discuss—he was _trying._ It was supposed to be what was termed an 'olive branch,' a demonstration that he wanted to end hostility. Why wasn't it working?

It was difficult to keep conversing with Mello when, aside from improving their Japanese, it didn't seem to be achieving the desired results, and it was so clear that he was still _doing everything wrong._

But he pushed forwards anyway, focusing part of his attention on solving jigsaw puzzles, building towers of blocks, lines of dominoes—actions to focus him and keep the emotions at bay so he could _think—_ and every time Mello destroyed what he'd put together he'd silently started fixing it because _he didn't know what else to do_ and Mello was glaring at him with his intense blue eyes and Near felt exposed and vulnerable and in pain and panicked and he _needed to be able to think—_

It was like there was a deep chasm between himself and Mello, between himself and the rest of the world, and he _didn't know how to breach it._

And even though his utter failure to do so hurt, he kept trying.

(Because maybe, if he just tried hard enough, he would finally—)

* * *

Matt had no idea what the fuck was going on with Mello and Near.

L was trying to catch a crazy mass murderer in Japan, so Near started learning Japanese, and since Near was learning Japanese Mello started learning Japanese, which meant that he had Matt help him—which Matt was fine with, because Mello kept good to his bribes, and Japanese wasn't a bad language for a gamer to know—but seriously, couldn't those two ever just chill and give it a rest? They were driving all of Wammy's House crazy.

Like, they would literally _only talk in Japanese—_ they refused to speak in English, which meant that Matt ended up having to be their translator, and he couldn't even have fun with it since they'd know if he translated wrong. (Well, Near probably wouldn't really care, actually—but Mello would definitely exact revenge.)

And not only that, but whenever they were in a room with a TV they had to have it tuned into the Japanese news to get the lay-down on Kira, and wouldn't let anyone watch anything else, and they were constantly, _constantly_ arguing about the Kira case.

It was kind of odd, honestly—Matt didn't think he'd ever heard Near talk so much. Usually it was Mello that instigated all their competitions and arguments, but now it seemed that Near was going well out of his way to rile Mello up.

Maybe they were even more desperate, now, since L had apparently chosen both of them? According to Mello, Roger said that L said that he'd make the final choice about his successor when they were older, so perhaps this was the final leg of their rivalry—the final boss battle.

Or, wait—was the final bass bottle beating L? How did that work? When L chose his successor, when would the successor take over? It wouldn't be till after L died, right? How old was L, anyway?

Matt didn't really know why, but he'd always thought of L as being kinda young—he'd sounded kinda young, when he talked to them, with all his flippant answers—but then again, he was choosing a successor, and he also said he didn't play video games. So maybe he was actually an old fogey who thought he was going to die soon?

Because it was either that or he was going to have to challenge his successor to a battle of wits to see who had the right to hold the title—which seemed kinda weird. But it would also be weird if he were young and choosing a successor, because by the time he died Mello or Near might be kinda old by that point too, right?

Jeez, the entire situation was weird as hell. And Mello and Near seemed to be paying absolutely no attention to the ridiculousness of it all; they're were too caught up in the game.

Everybody at Wammy's House was too caught up in the game, though, and frankly Matt was sick and tired of it.

He was almost fifteen, though—almost old enough to leave the orphanage—so he only had to deal with it for a little longer before he could go find his own way in life. Maybe he'd design video games, or something. Or maybe he'd become a racecar driver—racing was so much fun in games, so he'd always wanted to try it in real life.

In any case, though, once he left Mello would be forced to start speaking English again, and then maybe Near would, too.

Or maybe L would solve the Kira case before then—it _was_ L, after all. And as annoying as everyone's obsession with the guy was, Matt would still be among the first to declare that L was the best.

So yeah, actually—as supernatural as the Kira case was, L would still probably solve it before Mello and Near got over their shit.

* * *

There were several times during the Kira case when L thought that he might possibly die.

It had run through his mind, at those times, that if he died on the case, it would be left to his successors—those two boys, aged 13 and 14. With how indoctrinated they were to hero-worship him, they'd definitely try to avenge his death.

It made L feel sick just to think about.

Those children could never win against Kira—not against Light Yagami. (Because even with the all the evidence that seemed to make it clear that Light couldn't possibly be Kira, Light _had_ to be Kira—he had to be. Nobody else would have been capable of it. But Light, with his brilliance that made even L pause, Light could have—)

L had spent six months on the case, had suspected that Light was Kira for the better part of that time, and yet he still hadn't been able to pin any evidence on him.

If even L was having so much difficulty, how could Watari possibly think that those kids could succeed him? If he died, that would mean that Light had beaten him, after all—and if he'd lost, then what chance did those children have?

Kira—Light Yagami—was really something else.

* * *

Mello and Near were awake at 1 AM in the morning so they could watch the 9 AM news in Japan.

In Japanese, Mello asked challengingly: "What kind of person do you conclude that Kira is, Near?"

Near fiddled with a Rubik's Cube, twisting it in quick, precise movements. "I think Kira is someone who wants to prove he's the best," he answered, also in Japanese.

Mello bristled. "Yeah, well, I think Kira is a sociopath who doesn't care at all about people's lives."

The Rubik's Cube clicked and clacked in Near's hands. "Then why would he be killing only criminals?"

Mello sneered. "He doesn't just kill criminals—he also killed those police officers and FBI agents."

"Only because they got in his way." The solved Rubik's Cube was placed on the ground, and Near's fingers busied themselves instead with his pale hair. "That's why, in order to accomplish his goal, he has to kill L, too."

Mello's blue eyes narrowed. "He won't kill L," he stated firmly. "L will definitely defeat him."

Near stopped twirling his hair. "Yes," he said, lowering his hand and glancing out of the corner of his eyes at the Japanese broadcast, which was discussing the communication between the Second Kira and the 'real' Kira (which, both he and Mello had concluded, was probably a fake Kira that L had created to trick the Second Kira, since the real Kira would have said that the Second Kira could go ahead and kill L). "L is the best."

* * *

There were several times during the Kira case when L thought that he might possibly die.

But when his death finally came—when he saw that Watari had deleted the data and he knew Watari was dead, when he felt his heart seize in his chest—he wasn't prepared for it.

Even if Light had a scrap of Death Note on him—or even if he planned on killing the entire Task Force using the Death Note they'd gotten from Higuchi—he'd need L's real name for that, and there was no way that Light could have discovered what it was.

Maybe Misa could have, since she was the Second Kira and all she needed was to have seen his face, but given that Misa—it _had_ to be Misa—had started killing criminals again, and he wasn't dead yet, it didn't seem she was capable of doing so. Maybe she'd lost the power—he didn't know. That Shinigami Rem wouldn't tell him.

It had occurred to him, of course, that Rem's actions were part of Light's plan, but he didn't see why a Shinigami would follow Light's orders.

And he hadn't—there'd simply been no way he could have known that Rem would kill Watari and him. How could he have guessed that? Whatever reason would a Shinigami have had to write their names? There was no way he could have foreseen such a thing.

Though that didn't make it hurt any less—in the brief moment after he'd realized what had happened and before he'd died—in that brief moment he was able to feel the pain, staring up into Light's triumphant face.

 _Light Yagami… I knew it… I wasn't wrong… but… I…_

(He'd wanted to prove it.)

There may have been several times during the Kira case when L had thought about his successors, and what would become of them if he died, but the day of his death was not one of them.

* * *

The Japanese media was abuzz with talk of Kira, but there had been no new information about the current state of the Kira Case for months.

"Ever since the incident with the Second Kira and that stupid Japanese TV station, L's been operating in complete secrecy," Mello observed (still in Japanese). He bit off a hunk of chocolate, eying the Japanese news anchors talking on the television screen.

"Yes, that's clear," Near agreed (also still in Japanese), carefully placing another domino on his ever-growing tower. "The only news that could possibly have been related to the Kira Case was when a section of the freeway was closed off and someone in a red Porsche was apprehended, and the news claimed the man was merely a wanted member of a dangerous drug cartel."

He carefully placed another domino, lining it up on its thin edge. "But the measures taken in the instance were suspiciously severe. Would they really call in helicopters for a mere member of a drug cartel?"

"No," Mello said, chocolate snapping between his teeth. "It had to have been Kira. There's no other explanation."

Near balanced another domino on the top of his tower. "If it were Kira, L would have solved the case." He removed his hand, careful not to the tower over. "Given that we've received no news of him closing the case, it can't have been Kira. And I don't think the original Kira, who managed to kill twelve FBI agents investigating in secret, would have gotten himself apprehended in such a manner."

Mello licked the chocolate bar. "Maybe it was the Second Kira—seems like something that idiot would have done."

Near placed another domino on its side, and the tower swayed slightly. "Maybe."

He reached for another domino, only to find that there were none left.

There was a loud _clatter_ as Mello kicked the tower over, the dominoes spilling across the hardwood floor, and Near froze.

"Ha ha!" Mello bit off another hunk of chocolate, his eyes glinting. "L is definitely going to catch the original Kira soon."

Near's pale fingers found one of the dominoes and placed it on its side. "Maybe."

* * *

When Roger took Mello by the wrist and told him to come to his office, Mello thought that the manager was going to lecture him about not hurting the other kids again.

He was already preparing another argument for why it had been their own faults and he'd merely been exacting justice ("justice" was a really good word to use to get away with stuff, he'd learned from L), when Roger invited Near, as well, and Mello knew that Roger wasn't going to lecture him about that.

If it was both Near and him, Roger had to have something to tell them about L—L had probably chosen which of them was going to me his successor.

Mello's heart was pounding as they entered the room, Near making himself comfortable on the floor with his puzzle while Roger sat down in his chair and placed his elbows on the desk, hands clasped in front of him. He remained silent for several moments, looking down at his desk, like he was about to tell them bad news.

Was Roger not looking at them because he knew that one of them would disappointed by the news? But which one of them…?

"What is it, Roger?!" he demanded. He could barely hear anything over the pounding of his heartbeat. _Just tell us which one of us it is already! It has to be—_

"L is dead," Roger said.

Mello's heart stopped. There was static in his ears.

" _Dead?!"_ He'd stepped forward and slapped his hands on the desk before he even realized he was doing it. _"Why?!"_

Roger kept his hands folded and his gaze down. He didn't answer.

Mello leaned forward over the desk, his heart pounding wildly. _"Did Kira kill him?! Is that it?!"_

Roger didn't look up. "Most likely."

Mello lunged forward and grabbed the old man by his shirt, pulling him away from the back of his chair and staring into the man's widened eyes. "He said he would get Kira executed, and was killed! _Is that what you're saying?!"_

Roger's eyes were filled with distress. "Mello…"

Mello stared at him, mind racing.

Just then there was a _clatter,_ and Mello let go of Roger's shirt, turning to look at Near in surprise.

Near was crouched there the base of his puzzle held over his head, having just dumped the pieces on the floor. His gaze was down, but he was just as expressionless as ever.

He placed the board back on the ground and began putting the puzzle back together piece by piece, as precisely and methodically as his words: "If you can't beat the game… if you can't solve the puzzle… you're nothing but a loser."

He continued putting together the puzzle, and Mello could only stare at him in disbelief and horror. How could he be so calm?! L was _dead!_ Was that sociopath really so incapable of emotion—so incapable of caring about people's lives—that he didn't even feel anything when the one dead was _L?!_

Mello whirled around and slammed his fist on the desk, staring Roger intently in the eyes. " _Me or Near?"_ he demanded. His heart was throbbing painfully in his chest. "So which one of us did L…?" his voice faltered, because deep down he knew, he _knew_ it wasn't going to be him—

"Neither one of you yet," Roger said, holding his gaze, before he looked down again. "He can't choose, if he's dead."

Mello stared at him. _Neither one of us… he didn't choose either of us… he didn't… then who…_

Roger looked up at them again. "Mello, Near," he said, "how about the both of you work together?"

Mello's breath seized. _What?!_

"Sure," came Near's voice emotionlessly from behind him. "Sounds good."

Mello stared at Near out of the corner of his eyes, his teeth gritted and his fists clenched. _Work together with Near?! He—!_

"That's impossible, Roger," he stated evenly, looking the old man in the eye. "You know that Near and I don't get along. We've always competed against each other." His clenched fists trembled. "Always…" His eyes were stinging.

 _I'm always Number Two… No matter how hard I try…_

Roger looked down in disappointment, saying nothing. Behind Mello, Near was silently working on his puzzle, like he couldn't care less about any of it—not about L's death, not about the issue of who would succeed him, not about—not about anything. How could Near be so indifferent?!

When Roger had asked him and Near to his office, Mello had thought for sure that L had chosen, and he'd feared—he'd feared that it would be Near.

No—he'd still been hoping, of course, hoping desperately that it would be him.

But despite that hope he'd _known_ it was going to be Near, had been _resigned_ to the fact. Because of course it would be Near—Near was Number One. Mello was only Number Two. L was— _had been_ —the best detective in the world; he wouldn't have chosen Number Two to succeed him. Mello had never had a chance.

A heavy weight of calm settled over him, like stirred-up silt finally losing momentum and filtering to the bottom of a body of still water, covering everything that had been sunk there.

And Mello understood, in that moment, why B had left.

"It's fine, Roger," he said, feeling calmer than he'd felt in ages. "Near should succeed L. Unlike me, Near will solve this unemotionally, like a puzzle."

The old man was staring at him in surprise.

Mello knew what he needed to do. "I'm leaving this institution." He turned, walking towards the door.

"Mello!" Roger cried behind him.

"I'm almost fifteen, anyway," Mello said. He passed Near, who was staring down at his completed puzzle, and opened the door, stepping out of the room. He glanced back over his shoulder. "I'll live my life my own way," he said.

Then he slammed the door and left.

Near had won that round. But Near had won the battle, not the war—Mello would win in the end.

The game so far had been rigged in Near's favor, but now Mello was going to create his own rules.

Just like L.

* * *

When Roger brought him and Mello to his office, Near had an indistinct sense of foreboding.

Maybe it was the tone of voice in which Roger said "Mello. And Near. Come to my room." It was a tone that Near hadn't heard before, and it set him on edge, making him tense up and raising the hairs on the back of his neck.

"Yes," he answered, and piled the puzzles pieces onto the board, carrying it with him, because he didn't know if he'd be able to listen to that tone of voice without something to keep the anxiety from overwhelming him.

When they reached his office and Roger had shut the door, Near immediately knelt down on the floor, dumping the completely white puzzle pieces and beginning to place them within the frame, starting at the bottom right corner so that the last part of the puzzle to be completed would be the upper left corner where the Cloister Black 'L' was.

There was the vibrations of Roger's footsteps and the scrape of chair-legs against the floor, the squeaking of a leather cushion compressing under a weight, and then it was quiet; Roger said nothing.

Near scanned the shapes and pattern of the puzzle pieces, picking them up one by one and clacking them into place—he couldn't shake the sense of _wrongness._ It permeated the room like humidity.

"What is it, Roger?" Mello demanded. He was braver than Near was; if the news was something Roger was reluctant to say, it was something Near was reluctant to hear…

"L is dead."

Near felt the floor drop out from under him.

" _Dead?!"_ Mello demanded. _"Why?!"_ He was faster at grasping the situation than Near was; Near was still reeling.

He forced himself to place another puzzle piece—forced the jammed cogs of his mind back into motion. _So L was killed by Kira, then…_

" _Did Kira kill him?"_ Mello demanded, apparently having come to the same conclusion at the same time. _"Is that it?"_

Roger's voice was low. "Most likely."

Near placed another puzzle piece, and another; he was almost to the black L design. _Most likely? So all he knows is that L died, but he doesn't know how—which means that nobody told him. It wasn't made public, or else we would have heard about already. Was it a failsafe, then? An automatic transmission set to send after a certain amount of time had passed? There's been no sign of movement on the Kira Case for months—has L been dead that long?_

"He said he would get Kira executed, and was killed! _Is that what you're saying?!"_ Mello was demanding. His raised voice hurt Near's ears.

"Mello…" Roger said, and Near placed the last piece of the puzzle, the completed white background with the Cloister Black L in the corner burning itself into his retina.

 _L is dead. Kira killed him. L lost._ Near could barely breathe. He needed—but the puzzle was completed— _he needed—_

He raised the board, tilting it so that all the puzzle pieces clattered over the floor in front of him.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Mello turn to look at him, face awash with emotion, and Near couldn't look at him—he couldn't—he was still trying to process—

Near placed the board back on the ground, Mello's eyes still burning into his skin, the emotions radiating off the other boy in waves.

How did Mello do it? How did he take such earth-shattering information— _L is dead, L lost—_ and know how to react to it? How to feel about it? How did he process it all so fast? Near didn't even know how to—

He began to place the pieces back together starting from the upper right corner, trying to force himself to _think,_ to make sense of it all, because _L was supposed to be the best._ But at the same time: "If you can't beat the game… if you can't solve the puzzle… you're nothing but a loser."

That was the rule; he knew that. And he knew that Mello knew it, too.

So how did—if L was the best, then how had he lost? If he'd lost, that meant that he couldn't have been the best—so technically that made Kira the best, since he'd won, right? That was the rule: the winner is the best. L was the best because he'd always won. But now he'd lost to Kira. Yet Kira couldn't possibly be the best, because Kira was evil. But if Kira wasn't the best, then how had L lost? How—

There was a _bang_ as Mello slammed his fist on the desk. _"Me or Near?"_ he demanded of Roger. He was faster than Near was; Near hadn't even thought that far yet. "So which one of us did L…?"

 _Clack._ Near placed another puzzle piece. _Clack._

Mello may have had a tendency to let his emotions get in the way of his logical reasoning, but he understood people, and he always knew what to do—what to say—what to feel; he wasn't an awful person the way Near was.

 _Clack._

"Neither one of you yet," said Roger finally. "He can't choose, if he's dead."

Near heard Mello inhale sharply and take a step back.

 _Clack. Clack._ It was all Near could do just to breathe. He barely managed to note that all three of them were speaking Japanese.

 _Clack._ So Roger had known Japanese the entire time.

"Mello, Near, how about the both of you work together?" Roger suggested.

 _Clack._ I've been saying that for years, but you always ignored me. _Clack._ "Sure. Sounds good." We can make up for each other's weaknesses…

The late-afternoon sunlight streamed in through the window, gray-toned by the overcast sky, making the puzzle Near was solving glow an almost blinding white against the subdued maroon rug.

 _Clack. Clack._

"That's impossible, Roger," said Mello, his voice firm. "You know that Near and I don't get along. We've always competed against each other." His voice cracked slightly. "Always…"

 _Clack._ That was you, Mello. _Clack._ That wasn't me.

There was a gust of wind outside; it brushed against the window, rustled through dry leaves, whined like something dying and then faded away.

 _Clack. Clack._

"It's fine, Roger," Mello said finally, and his voice was steady again. "Near should succeed L. Unlike me, Near will solve this unemotionally, like a puzzle."

 _Clack._ The last piece of the puzzle slid into place, completing the L. _What are you thinking, Mello? You don't give up this easily…_

"I'm leaving this institution," Mello declared.

"Mello!" Roger said.

Mello turned, walking past where Near was sitting; a dark-clad figure crossing through his peripheral.

"I'm almost fifteen, anyway," Mello said. The door creaked as he opened it. "I'll live my life my own way."

 _Your own way?_

The door creaked as Mello closed it, and there was a _click_ as the latch sprung into place.

Near remained perfectly still, left leg bent up against his chest, left hand resting over his knee, bangs shielding his eyes from the sunlight, listening.

But Mello's bare feet were silent in the hall, so even though Near knew he was leaving, he couldn't hear him go.

 _Working with me would be that bad, ka?_ The sunlight reflected brightly off the completed puzzle, hurting his eyes. _I see._

"Near," Roger said.

Near didn't answer. It was all he could do just to breathe.

"Are you okay with this?"

Near reached up with his right hand, beginning to curl a lock of hair around his fingers. "Yes."

When he closed his eyes, the puzzle was burned into his vision—an expanse of deep black with a Cloister Black L in the upper left corner glowing a bright, brilliant white.

* * *

 **TBC.**

* * *

 **AN:** If you have any questions, please first refer to the author notes (Chapter 6) to see if your confusion/concern/matter of curiosity is addressed there.


	2. L's afterimages

**AN:** The way I've broken this story up into chapters is a little weird length-wise; forgive me. I broke it into sections by content, not word count. **  
**

* * *

 **L's afterimages**

* * *

"Near and Mello," Watari observed, after L had made his choice. "I thought you might choose them."

L was preoccupied trying to eati cake crumbs with a fork. "Is that so," he said, but he wasn't really asking.

"They remind me of you," Watari said.

The cake crumbs fell right through the fork prongs. "Is that so," L intoned again. "In that case, you didn't need me to choose them for you. You were already thinking of them yourself."

"You have to be the one to choose, L," Watari said. "They're your successors."

"No," L said, mashing the cake crumbs between the fork prongs, "they're the successors that _you're_ creating. Not me."

Watari sighed. "L."

L stuffed the mashed cake crumbs into his mouth. "Watari," he muttered around the metal prongs of the fork.

"So you have no interest in them at all, then," Watari asked, without quite asking. "I thought you might want to help guide them."

L rolled his dark eyes, pulling the fork out of his mouth. "Watari," he said dully, "if they're anything like me at all, they won't _need_ guidance."

* * *

For four years Near spent his every waking moment working on the Kira Case.

It was difficult, though, especially at first—he had no preexisting data to work with, and he was constantly under the pressure of a vague but powerful anxiety with no determinate cause.

L never released data until he'd finished a case, and with his and Watari's deaths the data had probably been deleted—or, at the very least, it resided with the Japanese police, and wasn't available to him. And when he (and Mello) were following the Kira Case through the Japanese news, he'd been paying attention to how L used the media—he hadn't been trying to solve the case. (He hadn't thought he'd need to solve the case…) He'd noticed a few patterns in the killings, of course, but his data was incomplete, so he couldn't trust that they were correct; the theories he'd suggested had been purely to engage Mello in conversation.

So he was starting from scratch, compiling a list of every criminal reported to have died of a heart attack (starting after the Kira's first kill, which L had discovered and pointed out in his broadcast explaining how he'd figured out Kira was in Japan), their crimes, the dates and times of their deaths, their locations at the time of their death, when and on what news channels their identities and crimes had been broadcast, and any other potentially relevant information (and the list of criminals was growing every day…).

And then he had to sort and analyze the data, cross-reference it against what actions L had taken both openly and not-so-openly (but still evidently, if one was paying attention), and then have his Watari—Roger—find a Japanese policeman willing to talk, and question him about certain things which Near had specified.

He then used that information to reexamine the evidence he'd gathered and fine-tune his theories until he was sure they were watertight, and then Watari connected him to the director of the FBI—and, once he was convinced, they went to the President of the United States.

Gathering and analyzing all the data by himself had taken him four years, but it hadn't been the hardest part; he was _good_ at noticing patterns, at putting together the facts into conclusions based entirely on evidence and logic.

No, the hardest part had been the anxiety.

The anxiety wasn't new, of course—it had always been there, constantly enveloping him like a fog that was thinnest when he was alone in the dark and quiet and thickest when he was in large, bright rooms with other children running loudly and wildly all around him and some of them trying to talk to him—but after L's death it was worse than ever.

He was mostly fine when he was working—when he was burying himself in data and information, forming theories, focusing on the case—but if someone tried to talk to him his careful balance was disrupted and he was left in a state of complete panic, completely frozen and unresponsive.

It was a hummingbird-fluttering of his heart, a tightness in his chest like a sphygomanometer wrapped around him and inflating, a jam in the cogs that operated his lungs—if he wasn't paying attention he'd stop breathing and the python coils would constrict and his heart would start pounding its way up his throat and the pressure would just keep increasing—he had to force himself to breathe like a machine, _in out, in out,_ the even and robotic breaths of iron lungs—and he couldn't _think_ , his mind blank and white (sunlight shining on white puzzle pieces, the sensation of the world slipping out from under him—).

L was dead, Kira was still out there, Kira had killed L, it was up to Near to catch Kira, Mello had left, there was no information on Mello's whereabouts, there was so much information on Kira left to analyze, he was taking too long, there was so much, it was up to him, he couldn't fail, he was a horrible person, everybody hated him, he needed to make sure L didn't lose, it was up to him, everybody hated him, he didn't understand what was going on, there was so much more data left to analyze, L was dead, it was up to him, he was taking too long, he was a horrible person, _and now somebody wanted to know if he wanted to go outside why would they ask him that what did they want from him what more did they want he was trying to catch Kira he was taking too long they all hated him already what was he supposed to say what did they expect from him why were they asking him that he didn't understand what was he supposed to—_

There wasn't even any logical reason for the anxiety—there never had been, it had always just _been there—_ but knowing that it was illogical did nothing to make it go away. ' _I shouldn't feel this way'_ didn't make him not feel it.

He couldn't even ask for help; he didn't know how. He didn't know what was wrong with him, or how to even put it into words, and it seemed too much trouble to even try.

Roger noticed, though. Later Near would find out that Roger put a significant amount of time into researching how he could help him, but all he knew at the time, was that one day Roger came to him with a bottle of anti-depressants and instructed him to take a small dose each morning, and that it _helped._

The anxiety went away almost completely, and it was significantly easier for Near to work on the case and interact with others. Without the anxiety overwhelming him, he could actually analyze people's behaviors and notice patterns that had been previously obscured from him, and he could adjust his behavior accordingly.

He still had trouble meeting people's eyes and he still played with toys or curled his hair around his fingers to help him focus, but he felt calm, and most importantly he could _think_ without drawing a white blank whenever anybody spoke to him.

He was able to meet the President with the director of the FBI and convince him to create a new investigation team independent of L to go after Kira, the SPK (Special Provision for Kira) and work with all the FBI and CIA agents without difficulties (a task which would have seemed unthinkable before, when he could barely handle a single pair of eyes on him).

And finally, after nearly four years of gathering evidence on the case, Near felt that he was finally getting close to being able to catch Kira.

* * *

Mello spent four years working his way to the top of one of the world's most powerful and dangerous mafias.

Or rather, to be more exact, he spent two and a half years working his way to the top of one of the world's most powerful and dangerous mafias, then killed the boss—who Kira had been unable to touch—and then brought his head to one of the other most powerful and dangerous mafia in the world— which, with their competition destroyed, then became _the_ most powerful and dangerous mafia in the world—and Mello spent the next year and a half working himself into the direct confidence of the mafia's boss, Rod Ross, until he became Rod's right-hand man.

Mello was, by his estimation, the second most dangerous and powerful man in the world—second only to Kira (Rod Ross was only being used by Mello, so he wasn't above him on that list; Mello was the one running the show).

It had taken time to get to where he was—patience, planning, and a significant amount of inspired improvisation—but it hadn't been that much of a challenge.

People without morals acted predictably and were easy to manipulate; they were driven purely by a sense of risk versus reward, without any ideals or compassion to complicate their decisions.

If they wanted money, he developed them a fail-proof heist. If they wanted arms, he organized them the best deal they'd find anywhere. If they wanted territory, he designed them a strategy that would succeed better than anything they would ever have imagined.

And if they feared death—which most of them did—he made it clear he was the most dangerous man they would ever encounter (he impressed them first with his martial arts and firearms skills, then with his intelligence, proved to them that to him their motives and secrets were transparent), and if they crossed him their lives would be cut short but if they joined his side he could promise them more security than they'd find with anyone else.

Earning their trust was a slow process—he had to prove himself to them over and over, till they finally got it through their thick skulls that he was superior both to them and anyone they knew of—but no, it hadn't been a challenge to his intellect (only to his patience; but in the criminal world a temper, when used calculatingly, was more of an asset than a hindrance—people had to know that if they pissed you off they were definitely going to regret it, which meant that examples needed to be made).

It wasn't difficult to be intimidating, either.

Black leather and designer vests, jackets, and dress shoes exuded an air of confidence. Cross necklaces indicated a commitment to the Christian faith and were believed to offer the wearer protection against evil, so the irony of wearing one sharpened his air of recalcitrance and violence.

Even his chocolate-eating habit accentuated how dangerous he was—there was something both feral and arrogant about eating around others, especially in such a manner—and the louder he snapped the chocolate between his teeth the better.

Mello really came into his own, in the mafia.

There was something dark and sinister deep in his core—something that had made the other Wammy's children eye him warily, something that had made him kick soccers balls into their faces and pull their hair just to hear the way they'd cry—and with the mafia he stopped smothering it and started embracing it.

There was something dark and sinister deep in his core, and it was something something that made him feel like he could burn down everything around him; something that made even hardened criminals eye him warily and part to let him through when he entered a room.

It was something that made him feel like he could fire a gun straight into someone's face and laugh as the light faded from their eyes—something that made him feel like he could slice up his arms without a single utterance of pain—and he was as wary of it as he was thrilled by it.

It felt like balancing on the razor-edge of insanity, and as long as he balanced there he was dangerous; but if he ever succumbed to it, he had a feeling there would be no return, and he'd keep falling, parts of him peeling away until there was hardly more than an animated corpse, and he'd shatter upon impact with the ground.

So he danced that line, grinning as he did, but he promised himself he would never succumb to it. And late nights when he lay awake staring at the ceiling (dark and blank as Near's disparaging eyes) and the failure of being second (second to Kira, in terms of power, but mostly second to Near—Kira was just a criminal, the prize of their L-game; it was _Near_ he was competing with, the battle with _Near_ the one that would determine his worth) crushing his chest, he'd trace his a finger over the unblemished skin of arms and remind himself that he was in control.

He wasn't going to cut himself; he wasn't going to give in. He wasn't going to fail.

He hadn't done any research into Kira, but there had been no point in doing so—Near was always better than him at that kind of thing, anyway. So he simply capitalized on Near's efforts; it hadn't been that difficult to discover the existence of the SPK and then find a CIA agent who was willing to leak their information for a certain amount of remuneration.

A notebook of death that kills anyone whose names is written in it if that person's face is known to the writer… Mello wouldn't have believed it from any source, but this was Near, so it had to be true. And the SPK had determined that the notebook was residing with the Japanese police… Near would probably be making his move soon, then.

He was going to be too late, though, because Mello was going to make his move first.

 _(The one to make the first move always wins, Near. Just try to keep up—if you can.)_

* * *

Mello's method of getting ahold of the killer notebook may have been abhorrent, but it was the actions of the fake L created by the Japanese police that made Near feel sick.

The original L had given his life and had proved to the world that a mass murderer named Kira was lurking somewhere in Japan, and was even able to figure out what Kira was using to carry out those killings. But this fake L—even though he'd taken over L's place, he'd done nothing.

Four years— _four years—_ and access to all the information that the original L had fought to uncover, and this fake L had done _nothing._ If anything, public approval of Kira had only increased due to his actions, his order for governments to stop broadcasting the names and faces of criminals only encouraging people to post such information online, begging Kira to exact justice for them.

And then, on top of that, the fake L had all but handed the killer notebook to Mello, utterly helpless to prevent it from happening—and because of him most of the SPK agents working under Near had been killed.

Near had been somewhat prepared for it—he'd surmised that Mello, after getting the killer notebook, would do something of the kind in order to prevent him from discovering the spy who'd been leaking the SPK's information, as well as to devastate his chances of succeeding in catching Kira first—but it sure did hurt…

(dice clattering over the floor, white and black cubes spilling, tumbling, and he was following their paths and patterns with his eyes and focusing on the sound of the rain-patter clattering, hard plastic against hard plastic against concrete—anything to suppress the sounds of gunshots and screams and dying breaths and limp bodies thudding to the ground and going still and _people were dying all around him he couldn't think he couldn't feel he couldn't process couldn't accept what was happening he couldn't it hurt it hurt he wanted it to_ stop _it hurt_ _he needed to stay calm he couldn't do anything about it he'd failed he was an awful person this wouldn't have happened to L he wasn't good enough he had to he had to breathe he had to keep a clear head he had to breathe he had to think he had to_ —)

…It had hurt, to lose so many good agents, and _especially_ to lose them due to this fake L's _incompetence—_

This fake L was an idiot; it was that simple.

While it was admittedly true that with a plan as elaborate as Mello's, almost nobody would have been able to prevent it from succeeding without sacrificing Yagami and his daughter—Mello may have had a tendency to become too emotional and subsequently overlook the most important things (if he'd been planning to go after Kira from the beginning, how could he have left his photo at the orphanage?), and his tactics tended to have major issues in the long run, but for the short-term his methods were brutal, cunning, and effective—that didn't make the fake L's helplessness to do anything about it any less sickening.

Even if the fake L wasn't an especially stupid idiot—maybe, to give him the benefit of a doubt, he was only a normal idiot—he was still an idiot all the same.

But no, he didn't deserve that benefit of a doubt—he had to be an especially foolish idiot, because if he had any sense at all then he'd be more than willing to cooperate with the SPK on the investigation. His reluctance to do so was incomprehensible. (From what Near had gathered about people, though, the less a person knew, the more they were inclined to believe they knew everything.)

The fake L wasn't capable of upholding L's task—his incompetence was tarnishing L's legacy—and it left a bitter taste in Near's mouth each time he had to address the impostor by his idol's name.

Whoever this fake L was, he wasn't worthy of the title.

The only thing the fake L seemed to be any good at was finding the names of criminals (how had he found the name of Zakk Irius so quickly?). So Near decided to have him put his one apparent skill to use by finding as many of the names and faces of the criminals working with Mello as possible so they could threaten to post all their names and faces on the internet for Kira to kill if they didn't give back the notebook—so at least the fake L would be of _some_ benefit.

(But if his idiocy eventually got him killed by Kira, Near would not be upset in the least—in fact, he almost hoped it would happen; it would be as much as this fake L deserved.)

(But Near pushed those feelings to the back of his mind, buried them under calculations, and told himself that it was for the best that the fake L was an idiot; after all, it meant that it would be easy to take advantage of him.)

* * *

The Japanese police's new L was strangely obedient, and Mello's plan to acquire the killer notebook went even smoother than he'd expected.

In the end, the new L cared more about the lives of Yagami and his daughter than on keeping the notebook out of criminal hands or using it to catch Kira. What a laugh. No wonder the guy hadn't made any progress on the Kira Case. The new L hadn't tried to pull any tricks at all, and was utterly helpless to prevent the killer notebook from falling into Mello's hands.

Not that there was any trick he could have pulled that would work—Mello's plan for exchanging the notebook for Sayu Yagami was airtight and vacuum-sealed—but he'd expected the new L to try _something_ stupid.

But it was better for him that the new L was apparently too scared to even try; Mello's plan had gone through without a hitch, and he hadn't even needed to do any improvising.

Truly, people with morals and senses of justice had to be tickled just right—not that it was a challenge for Mello to do so. In fact, it was almost laughably easy, when you threw in the right combination of threats, bribes, and honesty. To get Yagami to hand over the notebook, all he'd had to do was threaten to kill the man's daughter, and promise that he, his daughter, and the rest of the plane passengers would remain unharmed as long as he followed instructions.

("Look, there are two reasons as to why I promise to keep you and your daughter alive. First, I don't want Kira's eyes on us. I used Takimura's death, but we didn't kill him. Kira probably did it. But if we kill you or your daughter, there's a chance that we'll be Kira's next targets. And secondly, I don't want to get into any more trouble with the Japanese police. As a result of this deal, Takimura died. But there's no reason for us to kill you two and get the police even more enraged. No matter how incompetent the Japanese police are, I don't underestimate revenge as a motive. For our own safety, you're better off alive. Now, wasn't that more believable than some lame excuse?")

Honesty—it was always a requirement for dealing with these types of people, because if they suspected any kind of tricks there was no telling _what_ kind of stupid move they'd pull. If Yagami had had any reason at all to doubt that he and his daughter would leave alive, he might have tried something desperate and irrational which could have resulted in the trade for the notebook failing, which Mello hadn't been about to risk.

No, it was much better not to pull any tricks. Just plain, brutal honesty, and unignorable threats.

Also, it was better to keep Yagami and his daughter alive for two further reasons: one, it allowed him to send a message to Near by letting Yagami hear him eating chocolate, since Near would definitely be questioning him, and it allowed him to rub his retrieval of the notebook in Near's smug face _(Yes, Near, I got the killer notebook first, and I used it to kill most of your team—take that, haha!)_ ; and two, it allowed him to get more information out of Yagami later by threatening to kill his daughter if he didn't answer (questions of "How does Kira get the names by just looking at people's photographs and images?" and "After L's death, who did you guys set up to be the next L?").

Mello hadn't really expected the Japanese police force to have figured out how Kira killed with just a face—the Japanese police were truly useless—but he did get the name of their new L: Touta Matsuda.

But even Yagami admitted that the guy was just a mouthpiece—which was evident by the fact that the new L was incompetence itself.

Still, though, he had the new L's name, and he could threaten Yagami into sending him pictures of everyone on the Japanese Task Force at any given time if he decided it would be best to kill the new L, and it was no doubt more information and power than Near had.

 _(Haha! Take that, Near! Most of your agents are dead, you don't have the notebook, and you don't even know the new L's name—you have nothing. Who's the best now, huh?! I'll definitely by the one to get to Kira's head.)_

And not only that, but he now had the President of the United States under his thumb, as well. He hadn't been hard to threaten and bribe, either. The threat of using the killer notebook to make him set off a nuclear strike, starting World War III, and then kill him afterwards, plus the bribe of giving the U.S. the second killer notebook after his gang caught and killed Kira—the President simply couldn't refuse.

Which meant that, on top of having the world's most powerful mafia under his control, Mello also had the back of the United States in the form of funding, weapons, the use of satellite cameras, a guarantee of amnesty, and all information on Near's SPK and their movements that the President could get without them suspecting him.

With all that, Mello's victory was in sight—there would be no stopping him now.

 _Near, I'll be the one to catch Kira._

 _And Kira, I'll be the one to change the world with the Death Note._

 _Just you watch; I'll be Number One._

Near had as good as lost and Kira was as good as dead.

(Victory was sweet and tasted like chocolate.)

* * *

The information that Aizawa and Matsuda uncovered about Wammy's house—that it hadn't been an ordinary orphanage, but a special institution for raising brilliant children to become the next L—left Light reeling.

 _L's successors… Near, Mello… I'm still fighting L…_

He could have laughed, if the rest of the Task Force hadn't been there to hear him.

He should have known, really. The feeling he'd gotten from N—the way N had frankly told him that he was hunting Kira, the way N had been provoking him, the way N had openly admitted that he was Near—it was eerily similar to Ryuzaki's tactics.

And Mello, too, with the way he was taking bold risks and forcing Light's hand—that, too, was resemblant of the former L.

And the fact that Mello apparently ate chocolate, and the clacking sounds Light had heard over the phone when Near was talking, as if he were stacking small items…

 _Honestly, it's like someone divided L's personality in two and gave half of it to Near and half of it to Mello, or like they each chose half of him to model themselves after. What an uninspired_ _joke._ _They're far inferior to their predecessor._

But they were still dangerous, as they'd already proved. Light would have to be careful.

It was aggravating for him that Mello and Near considered the Japanese police and current L to be complete idiots, but it was better for him if they continued to think so. They'd come to a dead end because they wouldn't be able to figure out how Kira could kill just by looking at a person's face, and they'd never suspect that he was Kira.

" _For Mello, this is a game between the two of us of who will get to the final boss first,"_ Near had said, after stating that he could expect nothing worthwhile from the Japanese police and their cooperation in the case was no longer needed, except to use L's authority to threaten Mello into giving back the notebook once the SPK located him.

 _Like I'd let that happen, Near. You don't know who you're dealing with._

Yes—if they continued to underestimate him then they'd be careless, and it would be much easier for him to kill them.

Mello's threats and Near's coldness had already pushed the President of the United States to side with the current L, and with command of the President's special task force and the location of Mello's base thanks to Misa's eyes, Light was so close to defeating Mello and taking back the notebook that it was almost laughable. And after Mello was killed or arrested and the Death Note was back in the hands of the Japanese police, Near would have nothing on him.

 _Near, I've pretended to be brainless, but L is still the greatest detective in the world._

 _And Mello, let me show you who is going to change the world with the Death Note—Kira!_

Public approval of Kira kept steadily increasing, and once he got rid of L's successors, there would be absolutely nothing left standing between him and the peaceful new world that was beginning to bloom so beautifully before his eyes.

 _Mello, Near—you're both dead._

 _(Congratulations: You'll be just like L.)_

* * *

 **TBC.**

* * *

 **AN:** If you have any questions, please first refer to the author notes (Chapter 6) to see if your confusion/concern/matter of curiosity is addressed there.


	3. L's successors

**AN:** This chapter contains scenes, dialogue, and thought sequences taken directly from the _Death Note_ manga. I doubt that anyone will notice unless you've read the scenes enough times to have the memorized. However, I also added in scenes, dialogue, and thought sequences that are of my own design, as well. And of course the description/narration is all my own.

There's also several scenes told both from Mello's point of view and from Near's, but hopefully they're different enough that you don't get bored.

Dialogue between slashes, /like this,/ indicates that Light is speaking through the L voice-scrambler.

* * *

 **L's successors**

* * *

At one point it had finally occurred to Near, as he'd contemplated L's legacy one night after L's death as he'd sat awake in the dark with a computer screen burning open his eyes, that L hadn't yet lost.

Near was L's successor; Near was carrying on L's legacy.

So as long as Near was alive and investigating Kira—as long as Near solved the case and _caught Kira—_ L hadn't yet lost.

L was still the best; it was up to Near to uphold that.

He was not going to let Kira win.

* * *

After the initial shock of the Shinigami Sidoh showing up (the notebook had _flown by itself,_ and apparently _Death Gods were real_ ), Mello thought: _I've won, Near._

Near and the rest of the SPK (what Mello had left of it) didn't know about the existence of Shinigami or that the killer notebook was a Shinigami's Death Note. And without a Shinigami to tell them, even if they'd worked together with the Japanese Task Force and had been given information about the rules written in the notebook, Near would never know—or guess—that two of the rules were fake. ( _"Where are you going, Mello?" "Out." "But that's breaking the rules."_ One of Near's flaws always had been that he thought of rules as being absolute.)

And if the Death Note had passed through Kira's hands, and if Kira had known those two rules were fake, he could have easily used them to his advantage.

 _If that's the case, then Kira is probably someone the original L detained for over 13 days. It's highly likely that L would have been able to catch Kira, after all, but if Kira used the fake 13 Day Rule to prove his innocence…_

 _This would explain how L had been killed, too_ (a question that had long bothered him). _Because if L didn't have a Shinigami to tell him that the 13 Day Rule was fake, then there was no way he could have known, and if there was no real evidence against Kira—if there had been, L would have won—then he would have been forced to let his suspect go._

 _And then he would have been killed, after Kira had waited a long enough period that L's death and his release wouldn't coincide too suspiciously, and because of the rule the rest of the Task Force would believe the suspect had to be innocent._

 _And if that's the case, then Kira is whoever L suspected and detained, which means that if I find that out…_

 _Near, I'll definitely catch Kira before you!_

And then, if Mello hadn't felt ecstatic enough about that, almost as soon as he sent Sidoh outside to guard their hideout (apparently even Shinigami could be bribed and intimidated), a special task force was sent in to kill them—most probably an attempt by the President of the United States to recover the notebook so he couldn't be forced to send out a nuclear strike and then die afterwards, especially judging by the fact that the President didn't pick up the phone afterwards, having most likely committed suicide—and, with Sidoh pulling off their helmets and making sure their faces were shown to the cameras so Snydar could read their names, the task force that might otherwise have caused him a great deal of trouble had been laughably easy to kill.

They had to change hideouts after that, but they'd been about to switch hideouts anyway, and it was a small price to pay for the rush of power it gave him ( _With the Death Note in my hands and that Shinigami keeping watch, there's no way I can be beaten—ha ha!_ ).

The only potential problem was that there was no way the President could found their hideout himself, especially when the SPK hadn't—the President had been sending them the satellite images the SPK had been looking at, just as Mello had asked, and they'd been monitoring the wrong hideouts—it meant that the President had gotten assistance from someone else.

The Japanese Task Force and the new L? Not likely—they were all idiots.

It had probably been Kira; Kira had probably used the President to try to get the notebook back (maybe he was afraid they'd find out about the fake 13 Day Rule? a possibility). After all, who else could have threatened the President enough to override Mello's threats?

Which would mean that somehow Kira had found their hideout, and there was a possibility he'd do so again. How had he done it? The Death Note could control people's actions to a certain extent—Mello still needed to test what that extent was—so maybe he'd somehow used that to…?

Mello would just have to make sure he was prepared for another attempt to retrieve the notebook, if it came to that.

They still had the Shinigami Sidoh keeping watch, so there was no way they could be taken by surprise, but it wouldn't hurt to come up with a plan to make their escape easier so they wouldn't be caught while leaving the hideout, if in the next attempt a task force was set up around the perimeter to catch them when an attack forced them out.

 _Maybe if we set up explosives around the hideout, so that we can blow it up and then escape in the resulting chaos…_

* * *

Light's plan had failed. It should have been perfect, but it had _failed._

No; it _had_ been perfect. Except that—

 _Damn it! There was no way I could have known that there'd be a Shinigami there! Damn it, Ryuk, you didn't tell me that you got the Death Note from another Shinigami—!_

But that was okay; Light still had tricks up his sleeve.

 _I found a way to kill_ L _, Mello—I can sure as hell find a way to kill someone as inferior to him as_ you.

* * *

Mello didn't have any choice but to press the detonator button and blow up the building.

Their hideout had been discovered again, as he'd suspected it would, and Kira was definitely involved, as he'd suspected he was, but he hadn't been ready for them yet.

That, and the Shinigami Sidoh had either fallen asleep or betrayed them.

It had been hilarious, though, that it had come down to him bartering for the notebook with Yagami again. And he'd thought it would be easy; Yagami was a straightlaced guy, easy to manipulate.

But he'd never suspected that Yagami would have joined Kira, and taken the Eye Deal.

(Mello had dealt with Yagami completely fairly, and he hadn't killed him or his daughter, so there was no reason for Yagami to resent him and want revenge, and Yagami had supposedly been trying to take down Kira for years, and had supposedly worked with L, whom _Kira had killed_ —had L's death meant _nothing_ to Yagami? did the fact that Kira was taking over the world mean _nothing_ to him, either?—so why had Yagami taken _Kira's_ side?)

And apparently, this time around, Yagami was prepared to die, and he didn't care enough about his men for the possibility of their deaths to sway him.

Mello honestly hadn't been planning on killing the guy, but Yagami should never have joined _Kira—_ and he hadn't left Mello any choice. At least the guy was a wimp when it came to killing; if he'd written Mello's name down immediately, Mello would be dead.

Obviously, though, Yagami was an idiot. Which was why he was lying on the floor riddled with bullet holes.

Jose had been clever, playing dead like that. Except now Jose was dead, too, and the rest of the Japanese Task Force—the _fucktards (thanks for all the creative but childish swear words, Matt)—_ were apparently going to shoot him if he didn't let them capture him; but they weren't shooting him _yet._

He had no choice but to press the detonator button and blow up the building. He'd been really hoping it wouldn't have come to that, but…

 _My plan had been perfect… but now… Near will…_

He'd had the explosives set up so that anyone in the monitor room would be safe; but the door was open. The Japanese Task Force was standing right in the doorway, so they'd get the worst of it, but Mello would probably get caught in the blast as well.

It was probably going to hurt like a bitch, but he'd have to be quick—he couldn't let the noise or the pain slow him.

He was pretty far back in the room and the desk by the monitors was not six feet from him; if he pressed the button and then bolted, he could probably get beneath the desk quick enough to avoid most of it. And if he bolted again as soon as the explosion finished, the Japanese Task Force would probably still be down, and he should be able to get away.

 _Damn it… I've got no choice… it's all or nothing._

He pressed the detonator button and bolted as explosions rang in his ears and heat seared his skin.

* * *

Light stared at the static-ridden monitors with wide eyes.

 _He… he couldn't have…! Did he really blow up the place?! He's unbelievable. What was he thinking?!_

Mello was even more dangerous and unpredictable than Light had realized.

(He hadn't been so dumbstruck since the strange student who'd given the To-oh University Freshman address with him had told him "I'm L.")

* * *

When Near first heard about the Japanese Task Force storming the mafia hideout, he felt his insides freeze.

 _How did they find where the mafia was hiding? They shouldn't have had the resources to…_

There was something incredibly odd about the entire thing. _I've had my suspicions, but… well, once the new L starts picking up calls again, I'll be able to get my answers._

 _Is it strange that he's taking so long to reestablish contact?_

 _No, his whole team was probably injured, if not killed, so I suppose it makes sense that he's not available yet._

Near stared at the monitor, the dilapidated building not much more than a pile of rubble after the explosion that had devastated it, and curled his hair around his fingers.

 _Mello, you better have survived that._

* * *

Near had been calling L up for a full week, asking questions about their attack on Mello's hideout, and they were often the same questions, as if he though Light would slip up and he'd get out a different answer if he just asked enough.

 _There's a possibility he's starting to suspect me… L._

And then there was the fact that they couldn't find Mello. Light had thought he'd be injured after the explosion, but there was no record of anybody who could be Mello at any licensed or unlicensed doctor in the world.

Not that it really mattered; even if Near thought the new L was Kira, he didn't know who the new L was—and there was no proof, anyway.

Mello, though, was operating under the information that Matsuda was L, and if Mello had figured out about the fake rules in the Death Note…

Well, without the Death Note, nobody would believe Mello, except maybe for…

 _They grew up together, so even if they were competing for the position of L, Near might believe Mello._

Light needed to find Mello before the SPK did.

Still, though, Light was almost there—he almost had his perfect world.

 _The President of the United States has announced the country's acceptance of Kira. Now all the other countries will start to… no. This is only the beginning. There's going to be some chaos for a while. It wasn't my intention, but my attempt to capture Mello actually pushed the United States into giving in to Kira… it's so close now… my new world!_

 _Once the whole world accepts Kira and 80 percent—no, 70 percent—of the people support him… then Near, Mello, and even L won't be able to lead normal lives once they're exposed to the world as infidels. L's successors and the Japanese Task Force will be powerless to do anything against me, at that point._

 _The world is coming to my side—Kira will soon be justice!_

 _(I told you I would win, L.)_

* * *

There was so much information and variables of the Kira Case to keep track of, and they had a tendency to get mixed up in Near's head, so he liked to use physical objects to help him organize his thoughts of what was going on.

So at the moment was sitting in the middle of his Lego fortress that represented the case, a spaceship in his left hand which represented Kira's plan, and he was therefore moving up a ramp with increasing speed, and a robot in his right hand which represented the fake L's story about what happened with the attack on Mello's hideout, and was therefore floating in the air without anything to ground it.

"Near, I think it's about time you told us your thoughts on this case."It was a steady baritone with an edge like a desert wind, the periodic pauses of an orator, the resonance and latent power of a commander—a voice made for giving orders, and difficult ones: Rester.

"The new L is too foolish and Kira is too active," Near said, moving the spaceship faster up the ramp so that it launched off into the air; _Kira is setting his plans into motion too quickly, and they're becoming obvious_.

 _The fake L's idiocy was a fairly believable act in the beginning, but he's pushing it to absurd levels._ "This L knew that every mafia member in the United States was going to die on November tenth because Kira contacted the Japanese Task Force and told them so… what a joke… He doesn't want to tell us why they believed the information Kira gave them, but everybody at the headquarters was convinced by it…"

The spaceship shook in its trajectory arc, as if it were hitting meteoroids due to being too careless and not properly mapping out its flight path. "Kira knew that the Japanese investigation team had the notebook, but from the death of certain gangsters, Kira figured out that the notebook had fallen into evil hands. And in order to get the notebook back, Kira offered to lend them a hand… and they succeeded in getting the notebook back."

He swooped the spaceship around in front of him, landing it on the ground, roughly so that its wheels rattled audibly. _The execution of a rushed, thoughtless plan results in a messy fallout._

"It seems like a pretty consistent story to me."That was Lidner: a feminine voice, but smooth and low, an intonation like stroking down the fur of a cat's back.

"No, it's not." Near crashed the robot that represented the new L's story through the Lego wall that had come to represent the new L's defense against suspicion. "If Kira was able to directly contact the Japanese Task Force, then why is Kira allowing them to keep the notebook?"

Near stared through the gaping hole in the wall. "Kira teamed up to get the notebook back—that I can understand. But if Kira wanted to get the notebook back, Kira should have regained possession of it. Kira was able to directly contact the headquarters, so it would have been easy to threaten them. Furthermore, there are many rules to using the notebook. It's highly unlikely that Kira would let anybody else have the notebook, since it would provide them with information about the murder weapon."

A Lego piece that had been balance precariously on the broken part of the wall finally lost its balance and fell off the side, clattering on the floor.

"Maybe Kira didn't know the Task Force got the notebook when they took it from Higuchi," Near continued. "But if he knew of its existence before the gangsters got ahold of it, why didn't he say anything? And if Kira found out about it only after the gangsters took it, why is Kira allowing them to keep it now? If anybody other than Kira has the notebook and its existence becomes public, there will be people who will try to get it for themselves. The government and the police could keep the notebook a secret, fearing a panic by the public, but…"

Near reached for the grim reaper that represented Kira and the astronaut labeled 'Police' that represented the new L. "There are millions of rumors about Kira's methods, and nobody is going to believe in the notebook unless its powers are demonstrated to them. What Kira should fear the most is the possibility that they might go to that extreme."

"You're right." That was Commander Rester. "Why does the Japanese Task Force still have it…?"

"I've had my suspicions, but judging from the unbelievably convenient deal between Kira and the Japanese Task Force on this case… at the very least…" Near placed the grim reaper and the police astronaut side-by-side on top of the Lego wall. "Kira and the Japanese Task Force are connected."

"Connected…?" That was Lidner.

Near reached for the police astronaut to demonstrate his point. "No… if Kira is actually within the Task Force, then…" He pulled off the opaque helmet, revealing the grim reaper skull he'd stuck there earlier as a concrete representation of what he believed to going on: "The new L is Kira."

"Th-that can't be…" That was Commander Rester. "Are you serious, Near?"

"Yes. But about…" Near lay down on his stomach and narrowed his eyes at the back of the police reaper's skull, deciding: "seven percent serious." _Since I don't have any proof yet._

"Seven percent?!" Commander Rester again. "So the possibility is very low…"

"But it does make sense." _It's the only possibility that makes sense; it explains everything._ Near reached out to move the skull around, examining the connection of the spine, the plastic squeaking in protest. "So the problem is… how to fill in the remaining 93 percent. All we did was keep a close eye on them, and Kira began to move around, and the new L began to give himself away. Luckily, Mello escaped, so the remaining 93 percent might not be as hard as it seems to fill in."

 _Mello, since you had the killer notebook you must have discovered something about it that made Kira nervous about being found out, and thus desperate to get rid of you. He obviously underestimated you, though; you'll do whatever you have to in order to win, which makes you dangerous._

 _But as extreme as your actions are, your resolve is admirable, and you seem to have a better grasp of how Kira's mind works than I do…_

Near had paused too long, and Commander Rester took that audible breath he always took before he was about to say something, so Near continued: "I've had an uncomfortable feeling about the new L from the start." He popped the grim reaper skull off of the neck of the astronaut. "Didn't you think it was strange that he was so reluctant about cooperating with us in the investigation?" He put the original astronaut head back on, to try to demonstrate his point: "That's because he doesn't want us to investigate them."

"But they wouldn't just trust us from the start, so I can understand them not telling us everything…" That was Lidner.

"Near…" Commander Rester. "Isn't that too much of an assumption?"

"…" Near paused, trying to figure out a more polite way to say the equivalent of _Aren't you an FBI agent? Shouldn't you know how investigations work?_ "Commander Rester, investigations…" he paused again, finally deciding to go with: "are based upon assumptions." He glanced back at the commander. "If you're wrong, you just have to say 'sorry.'"

 _That's how L did it. Though he never had to say 'sorry,' since he was never wrong. And we shouldn't have to, either, since I don't believe I'm wrong about this._

 _But if I am, 'sorry' will fix it._

( _"Nate, that was rude! You can't just say that kind of thing to people! Go say you're sorry this instant."_ )

( _"Where are you going, Mello?" "Out." "But that's breaking the rules." "Maybe. But it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission. So don't you_ dare _get in my way, Near."_ )

Commander Rester opened his mouth slightly, taking that breath like he wanted to protest again.

Near preemptively cut him off with: "Well then, please assume that this is correct and start investigating everything you can about the Japanese Task Force."

He turned away, looking down at the skull in his hands, fiddling with the toy head. _Please just trust me on this._

"Very well, Near," Commander Rester said after a few moments. "I'll see what I can find."

Near set the skull down, and didn't forget to politely say "Thank you."

* * *

After scrambling out of the devastated building, Mello had managed to—somehow—make his way a run-down inn in a shady town a couple miles away.

The mafia had chosen a base in that location for a reason; people in the area didn't ask questions and didn't snitch to the police, and they'd already established a connection with this particular inn.

That connection, plus a wad of (singed and smoke-scented) money and the threat of a gun (it was too damaged to fire, but the inn-keeper didn't need to know that) got him a room with a shower, a change of clothes, and rudimentary medical supplies.

He didn't need to check his symptoms on the internet to know the burns were bad, but he also knew that he couldn't risk seeing a doctor, lest he be found. So he had to treat his injuries himself.

A cool shower, mild soap, pain meds, antibiotic cream, and loose dressings would have to do. He spent the rest of the day drinking water and wrapped in a blanket, trying to prevent an onset of shock or hypothermia.

It turned out that third-degree burns didn't really hurt, due to nerve damage; it was the areas of second- and first-degree burns that hurt like a bitch. The blistering of the second-degree burns was especially painful.

Luckily the worst of the burns only stretched from his navel to just between his nose and left eye—his eye itself was fine, fortunately.

Still, though, it _hurt—_ both physically and mentally. He'd thought—he'd been _sure_ —that he could never hate anybody more than he hated Near, but now _Kira—_

Kira had _ruined everything._

(All that effort he'd spent keeping his arms free of scars, and then the Japanese Task Force and _Kira_ forced him to explode the building, and now he was going to have scars on his chest, his neck, his _face_ , rendering all that effort utterly _meaningless—)_

(And not just the scars, either, but _everything-everything he'd worked for._ Five years— _five years_ of working his way to the top of the mafia, of creating his empire, and it had been dissembled in _minutes_ , blown away in _seconds,_ and he was—)

He hated Kira, _he hated him_ , and he was teetering on that dark edge of insanity, but he _couldn't let himself fall._

(He needed help, but he had nowhere to go, nobody to rely on—)

No; he was still going to win this. He may not have the mafia anymore, but that wasn't going to stop him. He'd find a way. He always did.

It wasn't just about beating Near anymore— _Kira needed to die for everything he'd done_.

For killing L, for destroying what Mello had created, for pushing him farther towards the edge…

 _Kira needs to die._

And as Mello huddled there in the room, trying to keep himself warm—trying to keep himself calm—he told himself it was okay that the mafia was gone—he'd never needed anybody else, and he'd been planning on killing off the members once he'd won and they'd outlived their uses, anyway.

Yes, he was alone; but he'd always been alone, and he always would be.

He was going to be Number One, after all, and he'd never suffered any illusions that it wasn't a lonely place up at the top.

(Nor had he ever wished for anything different.)

* * *

Hearing the President announce that the United States would take no action against Kira made the rage surge in Near's gut, his heart pounding with the intensity of the feeling.

 _Ridiculous! Accepting Kira is out of the question. Kira cannot be justice._

He reached up to curl a lock of hair around his fingers, focusing on the sensation as he pushed the emotion back down so he could _think._

 _I won't be like Mello and let my emotions dictate my actions._

"What's going to happen to us now…?" Lidner asked.

 _Twirl, twirl._ "We're going to be dissolved." Obviously. _Twirl, twirl._ "Thanks to that chicken-hearted president… no. He's not a chicken. He's not even a maggot." _Twirl, twirl._ (Thank you for the creative but childish insults, Matt.)

But he couldn't think of any other way to express his feelings, and he was _angry_ , and he couldn't _think_ , and he needed to—he needed to calm down and _think—he needed to—_

He grabbed an unopened box from his toy selection, sat down the on the floor, and started building an elevated railroad for an electric model of a locomotive.

* * *

Mello had left the inn as soon as he was able to.

He'd spent a day there, recuperating—he'd had to make sure that his vitals would stay stable and there wouldn't be any severe immediate health complications due to the burns he'd received—but left as early as he could the next day.

He hadn't wanted to push his body too hard, but he also didn't want to be found, and while the Japanese Task Force would likely check the nearby hospitals and doctors first, if they didn't find him there they'd probably move to checking other establishments.

He'd borrowed (bought) a long coat with a fur-lined hood from the inn-keeper, in order to hide his face, but he wasn't comfortable in the other spare clothes he'd borrowed, so his first task was to acquire another pair of his black leathers (he'd had enough foresight to stash spare clothes, money, and weapons at a few different locations).

And after he'd done that, he contacted Hal Lidner (real name Halle Bullook).

He'd spared her, along with Stephen Gevanni (real name Stephen Loud), when he was killing most of the members of Near's SPK team in case he needed to get information from them in the future; he'd chosen the two of them because, after receiving the information on all the agents, he'd concluded that they would be the easiest to get information from.

If he wasn't injured, he could probably handle Gevanni—but since he _was_ injured it was all the more reason to go to Lidner; she was a woman, so it would be easier to overpower her if it became necessary, and women also tended to be more sympathetic, so if she saw that he was injured it might actually work to his advantage to get her on his side (as opposed to Gevanni, who would probably see it as a weakness and try to use it as an opportunity to overpower him).

So Lidner it was.

* * *

Near sat in the center of the oblong railroad he'd built, watching the electric locomotive circle around him in an endless loop, letting his mind relax, parsing through information and deciding on his next move.

The train made a _shaa_ sound as it chugged around him along the track.

"Near, are you serious about dissolving the SPK?" It was what Near had come to identify as Commander Rester's 'Are you joking?' tone of voice.

"Yes," Near stated. "This country's justice system has completely collapsed." _I won't work for a government that accepts Kira. It's wrong._

Commander Rester took that inhale that indicated he was about protest something, so apparently he wasn't satisfied with that answer.

"And I'm not joking when I say that dissolving this organization may actually prove to be fruitful," Near elucidated. "Of course, I will continue to try and find out who L/Kira is with the information from five years ago, when the FBI tried to investigate the Japanese Task Force…" he was trying for reassuring, but was also obliged to tell the truth: "but it will difficult since we can't expect any help from Japan, or the American police."

 _Shaa,_ went the model train, chugging along the track. The even looping of the train around him was predictable and calming.

 _Shaa._ It was an even, soothing sound.

"Including me, there are four of us left," Near continued. "The spy leaked the names and faces of the others. Well, it could have been just the faces. Either way, they were all killed by the notebook. That is irrefutable."

"That's nothing new…" Commander Rester was stating the obvious.

 _I was setting up the premise for my question:_ "I want all of you to put yourselves in Mello's position… the spy has given you the names and faces of the SPK members…"

 _Shaa,_ hummed the train, chugging around him.

Near asked: "Would you kill all of them? Would you kill all of them, knowing that there will be some members of the SPK who won't die?"

(He'd found that people tended to find his arguments more convincing if he lead them to make the same conclusions by themselves. Sometimes it took them a while, though. He wasn't quite sure why people tended to overlook the obvious logical lines of thought unless he pointed them out, but he'd grown used to it.)

He leaned closer to the model railroad as he waited, close enough to hear the even _klak klak klak_ of the plastic wheels against the plastic track.

"No, one or two… I'd at least keep one of them alive," Commander Rester said finally.

 _Exactly._ "That's what I think as well."

"So we're going to purposefully disband and wait for Mello to contact one of us?" Commander Rester made the connection.

"It's not a bad idea. The chances are pretty high… and it will be easy to get the Vice President to announce that the SPK is disbanding."

(He'd found that it was sometimes better to be self-effacing about his ideas; sometimes, if he acted too certain or confident, it seemed to upset people.)

 _Shaa,_ went the locomotive, tugging its two empty passenger cars around the track.

Near continued: "Mello is all alone right now. He probably has no one to rely on. But I can't believe that he's abandoned his desire to be Number One." _Nothing's ever swayed him from his goal before; so this definitely won't, either._ "Since he wants to get Kira before I do, he'll definitely want the information we have."

(He'd learned that it wasn't all that hard to figure out what Mello would do next in any given situation; Mello always took the shortest and most direct path to his goal, and his goal—to become Number One—never wavered, so his actions were usually pretty easy to predict.)

"But judging from the way Mello's been acting, won't it be dangerous to come in contact with him?"

Commander Rester pointed out.

 _Shaa_ , went the locomotive, chugging evenly around the track.

"Very dangerous," Near agreed, "so when the times comes I want you all to do as he says."

"Do as he says…?" Commander Rester didn't sound all that pleased about the idea.

 _Mello will do whatever's necessary to achieve his goal, regardless of the consequences; if you don't do what he says, he'll find a way to force you do it—no matter what it takes. He balks at nothing._ "Give him all the information we have. Especially the fact that the new L might be Kira, and that I have Mello's photograph. The next move is up to him…"

 _Shaa,_ went the locomotive, chugging around the track.

 _I wish we could work together on this case, Mello. It's unfortunate that your pride, and/or your hatred of me, won't allow you to be willing to work with me._

 _Still, though, I have your photo; if you don't want to be killed—and you should be especially afraid of that after what happened—then you're going to have to come into contact with me._

 _I'm sorry for holding that over you, but you've left me with no other option to get into contact with you. Using bribes and threats isn't my style, but it seems to be yours, so it was the only thing I could think of that you would respond to…_

 _For what it's worth, though, I really am glad that you survived. Not that you'd believe me if I told you that…_

 _Shaa,_ went the locomotive, and Near's eyes followed it around the track.

He continued: "Those willing to take part in this plan are going to wear a wire and come to the headquarters every day from their former residences. Actually… I'd want you to put cameras in your rooms, too." _It's unlikely that he'll actually try to get in contact with me personally, so if he makes contact with one of you then I need to see and hear the transactions so I can respond in a way that will satisfy what we both want._

"B-but even if we give all the information to Mello, won't he try to kill us so we won't tell you about him?" It wasn't like Commander Rester to stutter. Was he afraid of Mello?

 _Shaa,_ went the locomotive, humming along the track.

"That may very well happen," Near agreed. _Mello can be quite ruthless._ "But I have faith in your excellent skills." _And Mello won't kill you unless its advantageous to him to do so—and if he wants the photo he left at Wammy's House then it wouldn't be advantageous for him to kill you._

But what Near said was: "If you're scared, you don't have to participate."

(He'd found that people's pride tended to win out over their fear, if you phrased the situation in such a way that they couldn't opt out of it without essentially admitting to being a coward.)

 _Shaa_ , went the locomotive, looping around him.

"But please don't leave the headquarters," he added. "I'm scared, so I'm not going to go outside." _Please stay with me…_

(He'd never had any such qualms about maintaining an image of pride; pride was illogical and led to irrational decisions based primarily on emotion. Essentially, it was a pointless sentiment. All that mattered was being right and staying alive. And he wouldn't be able to think clearly if he was afraid, so he had to stay where he felt safe, because he had to be able to think clearly if he was going to solve the case.)

 _Shaa,_ whooshed the locomotive, curving around a bend.

Near said: "What do you think? Especially you, Hal Lidner."

"Me?"

Lidner sounded liked she didn't get it, so Near explained: "Let me say this plainly: other than Rester and me, Mello should have known everybody's information. But Mello decided not to kill you. And if I were him, I would choose to get the information from you, a woman. Because if I had to meet you face-to-face, there is a better chance of escaping or overcoming you because of our physical differences… and the fact that it would be unlikely, even for the SPK, to invade a woman's privacy using wires and cameras." _That's how Mello is likely to think._

"S-so you're certain that Mello will contact us?" Lidner sounded—what was that in her voice? Near couldn't tell, so he gave up. He usually got those kinds of things wrong, anyway.

So he simply answered the question the only way he knew how: "No… the chances are 60-40. And if the contact takes place… 70 percent for Lidner. 25 percent for Gevanni. And 5 percent for Commander Rester."

 _Shaa,_ went the locomotive, chugging along behind him.

"I don't mind doing it."That was Gevanni, his voice rich but shadowy and soft-edged, with a rising and falling cadence that always ended in a low tone—the voice of someone used to cloak-and-dagger operations, to speaking clearly without letting his voice carry.

"Okay, I'll do it too." Lidner's cat-fur voice. "But with the 'L is Kira' theory going around since Kira first appeared, will Mello believe this?" She sounded dubious.

"Why won't he?" Near reached out and lowered a railroad crossing gate attached to the track. "Anybody who knows that the true L is dead will believe it."

 _Klak,_ went the locomotive, hitting the gate and coming to a stop, wheels moving and motor humming even as it went nowhere, rattling in place.

Near reached out and picked up the train, turning it off. "And Commander Rester, we're now an informal organization. I don't mind if it is from the general public, but I want you to gather powerful people who are completely against Kira."

He set the train down and stood up, though he didn't look at them—he wouldn't be able to think if he met their eyes. "You can use as much money as you need from the funds I inherited from L."

"But if they're from the public, it's going to be hard for me to determine if they're trustworthy." Commander Rester's voice. "I'll need to investigate them."

"We won't need to trust each other," Near said, looking up through his bangs. The strands were illuminated from the artificial lights above him, appearing gray where they clustered together more thickly and bright white at the edges. "From now on, we're gong to have no choice but to become an underground organization that strives to get rid of Kira. We just need people who are willing to join such an organization, and follow the orders of a boss whose face and voice they don't know." _Just like with L_. "The more people we have, the better it will be."

 _We have to change tactics now that we don't have the backing of the U.S. government. And if Kira really is nervous about the information Mello knows and does what I think he's going to do, then…_

Near watched his bangs shake slightly as he took a breath. "That is the kind of battle we're going to be fighting from now on," he said, and then offered quietly, because it was only fair to give them the option: "Now's the time to leave, if you want."

He was too scared to turn to look at them, lest he see indecision on their faces.

 _Please don't leave me alone; I'm not like Mello—I can't do this on my own…_

* * *

Hal held a finger in front of her lips, and Mello paused with a chocolate bar held inches from his mouth and a gun held inches from her head.

 _Huh?_

Hal stepped further into her apartment, saying, "Near, I want to take a shower, so I'm taking the wire off for a while."

Mello moved his gun away, pointing it at the ceiling, his eyes still watching her mistrustfully as she took the wire off her collar and turning it off. _So that's what it is._

Hal headed for the bathroom, calling over her shoulder, "Care to join me?"

Mello lowered his gun to his side and followed her, leaning back against the bathroom wall and taking a bite of chocolate as she undressed unself-consciously in front of him and then stepped into the shower, drawing the curtain and turning on the water.

"Alright, spill," Mello ordered, snapping off another chunk of chocolate. _What the hell's going on?_

"Near came to the conclusion that you would try to contact me, but I don't think he knew that we had already met," Hal said amusedly.

Mello grunted. "It's so like Near to think that way…" _He always comes to the rational conclusions while missing everything else. It's like he can't imagine anybody taking any action before he thinks of it himself, the arrogant bastard._

"And you no longer have the notebook, so all you can threaten me with is the gun, right?" Hal continued, still amused. "You can't control me, and if you use the gun to kill me, it's only going to make it easier to track you down." She paused, and when he didn't answer, she continued: "I'm going to have to place cameras in all my rooms after this. Excluding the bathroom…"

Mello bit off another hunk of chocolate, eying her silhouette through the shower curtain, watching to make sure she didn't try anything funny. He didn't like her tone.

"So what are you going to do?" she asked, her voice going sultry. "Live in the bathroom? It's okay with me. I don't mind having you around."

Mello bit off another chunk of chocolate, loudly, and didn't deign her with an answer.

He was getting sick and tired of her seduction attempts.

(Dealing with a woman trying to seduce him and use it to bring him in was admittedly easier than dealing with a guy trying to arrest him by force and bring him in that way, but it was still annoying as hell. She'd been doing it for the entire _week._ )

When it was clear he wasn't falling for the bait, Lidner switched to a normal voice and changed tactics: "Near also thinks that the new L is Kira."

Mello's eyes widened. "L…!" He grit his teeth. _L is Touta Matsuda… but I thought he was completely useless, and the Japanese police are only using him as a mouthpiece. But if Near thinks the new L is Kira, then it's probably true…_

 _Damn it… what's going on? The new L is Kira… I guess it's possible…?_

Hal turned off the water and slid the shower curtain to the side, meeting his gaze and asking in a normal tone of voice: "So what are you going to do?"

He narrowed his eyes at her (the skin around his left eye was tight due to the burn and tugged uncomfortably). "Hal, whose side are you on?" he demanded. "Mine or Near's?"

Hal walked past him to take a towel from the rail next to the sink, starting to carefully dry her dripping hair, sighing. "I already told you a week ago, didn't I? I'm on nobody's side. You, Near, and I all want to capture Kira. We're all after the same goal."

Mello bristled, glaring at her. _That's not how it works! You don't understand, Near and I—we've always been competing. It's more than about capturing Kira—it's about who captures Kira_ first. _Don't you get it?! There_ is no _'nobody's side'! Either you're helping him, or you're helping me._

Hal looked at him out of the corner of her eyes, her voice going sultry again, the towel barely wrapped around her naked form. "So what are you going to do? Are you going to run away?" Her eyelids lowered seductively. "If you do, I'm going to tell Near that you were hiding in my bathroom, and I met you."

He glared at her. _Don't you ever learn?_

"Or do you want to meet me later somewhere else?" she asked, still watching him, her tone normalizing slightly when she realized that, no, her seduction attempts weren't working and she should really stop and try another strategy.

 _Clearly you're on Near's side._ "Hal, go back to headquarters," he said flatly.

She looked at him in confusion, her tone normalizing the rest of the way. "What? I've got no reason to go back there right now."

Mello pointed his gun at her head. "Make one up. Go back."

To her credit, she was good at keeping her cool. "Okay, okay," she said. "Stop pointing that thing at me."

"I wouldn't have to if you just did what I said, but clearly you won't do anything without being threatened, so the gun is nonnegotiable," Mello bit out, lowering the gun just slightly so that it was aimed at her chest instead of her head. "Now get dressed. We're going to your headquarters."

 _You're clearly not on my side, Hal, so I have no choice but to use you as a hostage to get my photograph back._

 _Goddamn that fucking Near._

* * *

Near was manipulating a robot and a small toy gun as he considered what Mello's next action might be, when Commander Rester said " _Near_ " in an urgent tone of voice, and Near turned his head to see Mello on the monitors showing the entrance to headquarters, a gun held to Lidner's head.

Near's eyes widened. _Mello… I didn't think you'd come the way here…_

"Wh-what's going on?" Commander Rester seemed to have slightly lost his composure. "You were right about him making contact, but…"

 _It's been over five years since I saw you last, Mello… that scar on your face—that must have been from the explosion you set off…_ "Please let him in."

"But—!" Gevanni started.

"Please," Near repeated, cutting him off. "If we don't, he won't hesitate to shoot Lidner. And besides, he took the trouble to come all the way here—it would be rude not to see him."

"R-right…" Commander Rester went to remotely open the door so Mello could enter.

 _I'm not prepared for this…_

Near pulled a knee to his chest and braced himself for Mello's hatred.

* * *

When the door opened Mello walked into the SPK headquarters with his gun still pressed to the back of Hal's head.

Near was sitting on the ground, facing away from him and surrounded by building blocks and toy robots, dressed in rumpled white nightclothes, his platinum hair a mess.

"Welcome, Mello," Near said, not turning to look at him, his voice just as emotionless as Mello remembered, his words just as staccato. Any moment now he'd probably start twirling his fucking hair around his fingers.

 _Near—in all of five years you haven't changed a bit._

" _Drop your gun!"_ Anthony Rester (real name unknown) ordered, and Mello's gaze moved from Near's figure to eye the man. Both he and Stephen were pointing their handguns at him, their stances braced for action. Which was only to be expected.

Mello pressed the muzzle of his own gun harder against Hal's head.

"That goes for everybody," spoke Near evenly, and Mello's eyes flicked back to his white-clad figure. Near still wouldn't look at him. "Put your guns down. It's meaningless for us to shed any blood here."

Mello narrowed his eyes at the back of Near's head. _You really think that'll convince them? Not everyone is as emotionless as you are, Near; you still don't know anything about how the world really works._

"B-but, Mello killed the other SPK members," Stephen protested. _(See, Near?_ Mello thought.) "And he kidnapped and killed the Japanese police director..." ( _Of course._ )

"We have no proof of that, and I think Kira is the one who killed the director," Near said. ( _So you came to the same conclusion, Near? Then it's even more certain that it was Kira and not just a normal suicide._ )

"But that's not important now," Near continued. "Don't make me say it again." ( _Heh, I bet you always have a hard time getting them to follow your orders, Near. Nothing about you but your intelligence warrants any respect—and when it comes to being a leader, you need more than just intellect._ )

"Our goal is to capture Kira. There is zero gain for us in killing Mello right now." ( _Always the rational one, aren't you? People are nothing but stats and numbers to you, and all that matters is how you can use them—like you're playing a collectible card game._ )

"He got the notebook once, and was able to get closer to Kira than any of us," Near added, and it actually made Mello pause. ( _Did you actually just acknowledge that I've done better than you, Near?_ ) "That's something we should respect." _(I guess you always did value results above all else.)_ "And pointing a gun at him is just plain rude." ( _Heh. How very like you, Near.)_

The two male agents were still glaring at Mello, but after several moments Anthony said, "Very well," and they both slowly lowered their guns.

 _So you actually are able to convince them with logic, huh._ "Well said, Near." Mello lowered his gun as well, keeping his gaze on Near's back. _The least you could do is fucking look at me for once…!_

But Near didn't turn to look at him.

 _Apparently, despite your words, you still consider me beneath your notice._ Mello's jaw was clenched, and he had to loosen it to speak, biting out: "So everything's gone as you imagined?"

"Yes," Near said, and Stephen and Anthony looked between them in surprise ( _What, did you not expect us to be so familiar with each other? Didn't he tell you we grew up together?_ ). "Though I didn't expect you to come all the way here…"

 _Like hell I believe that, Near—you left me no choice but to come here._

Near was still facing away from him. "And thanks to you, Mello," he added, self-satisfied, "I have been able to greatly narrow down my suspects for Kira."

 _So you fucking used me?!_

Mello's veins boiled with rage, and it was all he could do to keep it contained. _"Near."_ He pointed his gun at the back of Near's head, his finger tense over the trigger. _"I'm not a tool for you to use to solve the puzzle." Don't you dare treat me as one of your pawns.  
_

As soon as Mello had pulled a gun on Near, Stephen and Anthony had aimed their guns back at him, but Mello paid them no mind.

 _Near, I'm serious—fucking look at me!_

"Commander Rester, don't make me repeat myself," Near said evenly, just as utterly unflustered as ever (just as he'd been after hearing of L's death). "Please lower your gun."

Anthony—'Commander Rester,' apparently—didn't listen, of course, keeping his gun as steady on Mello as Mello kept his on Near.

 _Near, why won't you fucking look at me?! Even after all this you still won't treat me as an equal?!_

"Mello, if you want to shoot me, go ahead," Near said evenly, and Mello's finger twitched over the trigger.

 _Are you trying to call_ _my bluff?! You think I won't do it?! Goddamnit, Near, I'll show you—_

Hal stepped in front of him, blocking Near with her body.

"Mello," she said grimly, "if you kill Near right now, then even if you succeed in capturing Kira, it will be meaningless. And if you shoot Near, we'll be left with no choice but to shoot you. What good is there in both of you dying? That will only make Kira happy."

He stared at her, eyes wide, and she held his gaze. His hand that was holding the gun shook.

"Heh…" Slowly Mello took a step back, lowering his gun. "She's right." _Killing Near won't make me Number One—I have to beat him by capturing Kira first. That's the only way._

 _Kira is the one who needs to die._

He looked away from Hal, glancing back over at Near, who hadn't moved, still crouching there facing away from him. _I guess it's too much to try to get you to actually look at me like an equal for once. I'll just have to prove to you that I'm better by catching Kira before you do._

 _Goddamn it._ "Near" _—you were right: I never wanted to shoot you—_ "I just came to get the photo you have of me."

"Yes," Near said, like he hadn't just almost been shot. He reached into the pocket of his nightshirt and pulled out the photo ( _He kept it on him? I guess that makes sense, if he didn't want to lose it._ ), holding it carefully between two fingers. "This is the only remaining photograph, and there are no copies of it."

Mello stepped forward, reaching down to take the photo, looking at the image of his younger _(unscarred)_ face staring back at him (it left a bitter taste in his mouth).

"Also, the surveillance cameras here only monitor, they don't record," Near continued. "I've contacted all the members of Wommany's House and anyone else from your past who would know your face. It's not a hundred percent perfect, but I think it's safe to say that you won't be killed by the notebook."

 _You went to those lengths, huh?_ Mello turned the photo around, stopping short.

On the back, written in Near's oddly neat cursive, was the inscription: _Dear Mello_

 _So Near knew that he would be handing me this photograph sooner or later… Come to think of it, it must have also been Near's plan for Hal to give me the SPK's information on Kira… and it's Near, so I doubt he hid any information from me…_

 _Damn it; no matter how I look at it, he's helped me out. And he probably saved my life by taking my photograph from the orphanage and taking care of anyone who knows my face. Which means that I owe him—so if I capture Kira first, it will be a hollow victory…_

 _It won't mean anything if I don't win on even ground._

He lowered the photo to his side, raising his gaze back to Near's hunched figure. "Near, I have no intention of joining forces with you," he stated.

"I know," Near said.

"But it would upset me to receive this picture without giving anything in return," Mello continued, and saw Near's head lift slightly in response. ( _Don't be so surprised, Near—I'm not a cheater, and I don't take charity. You should know that._ )

"The murder notebook," Mello said. _Most people wouldn't believe this, but Near should be able to tell that I'm not lying:_ "It's a Shinigami's notebook, and people who touch it are able to see the Shinigami."

"Impossible…" said Anthony, while Stephen snorted: "Who's going to believe that? A Shinigami…?" but Mello ignored them, keeping his gaze on Near, who remained completely still. _Well, Near?_

"I believe him," Near said. "What advantage is there for Mello in coming up with such a stupid story about a Shinigami really existing? If he were telling me a lie, he would tell me a normal—more meaningful—lie. Therefore, the Shinigami exists."

 _I figured you'd think like that._

"The notebook I had belonged to a Shinigami named Sidoh, who dropped it in the human world," Mello continued. "He had to come down to get it back. But another Shinigami had it before."

"We know that because there were rules written in English inside the notebook for human use, right?" Near said. "It would be odd for a Shinigami to write rules down for humans to use when he wants to get it back…"

 _You're just as quick as ever, Near._

 _And now you know—so don't you go getting yourself killed by a Shinigami just because you can't see them. You need to be alive to witness my victory, after all._

Mello turned and started heading for the door, tucking his gun in the front of his pants. "And one more thing… there is a fake rule hidden amongst the rules written in the notebook." _You should be able to figure out which one it is without me telling you, Near, so I won't insult your intelligence by doing so._ "That's all the information I can give you."

 _That's everything I know—so now we're even._

He stopped walking. "Near," he said.

"Mello," Near answered.

Mello took a chocolate bar out of his pocket, unwrapping it and bring it up to his lips, smirking. "Which of us is going to get Kira first…?"

"The race is on." There was an acknowledgment in Near's tone, and it was almost as good as Near meeting his gaze.

"Our destination is the same," Mello said as he started walking again, heading for the door. He smirked and bit off a chunk of chocolate, the bar snapping between his teeth, milky sweetness melting over his tongue. "I'll be waiting for you when you get there."

* * *

The door to the SPK headquarters slid open audibly, Mello and Lidner's boots clacking against the floor as they entered, but Near remained facing away from them.

He didn't think he could face Mello's gaze.

"Welcome, Mello," he said, when the clacking of boots stopped.

" _Drop your gun!"_ Commander Rester said loudly, hurting Near's ears. Rester and Gevanni's shoes scuffed against the floor as they changed their stances, the sounds of safeties being clicked off ringing in the air.

"That goes for everybody," Near said. "Put your guns down. It's meaningless for us to shed any blood here."

"B-but, Mello killed the other SPK members… and he kidnapped and killed the Japanese police director..." That was Gevanni.

 _That's a faulty conclusion._ "We have no proof of that, and I think Kira is the one who killed the director," Near corrected, feeling obliged to point out the mistake even though it didn't really matter. "But that's not important now. Don't make me say it again. Our goal is to capture Kira. There is zero gain for us in killing Mello right now."

 _Think about it logically, please. Don't let your emotions get in the way. (If one person shoots, everyone will start shooting, and people will end up dying, and then Kira will win, and we'll all have failed.)_

 _Also:_ "He got the notebook once, and was able to get closer to Kira than any of us. That's something we should respect." _The deaths of the other SPK members were really L/Kira's fault, anyway._

 _Also:_ "And pointing a gun at him is just plain rude."

(He'd found that it was best to cite as many reasons and explanations for his decisions as possible, because he could never tell which, exactly, would hit home for anyone. Especially in emotional situations, when people were especially prone to irrationality.)

"Very well." Good, that was Commander Rester—if he lowered his gun, Gevanni would definitely follow suit.

"Well said, Near." Mello's voice: a voice that rolled over everything in its path like a tank. It was a bit deeper and rougher than Near remembered, but it still dredged up memories (they ached and stung and burned liked acid).

Near forcefully shoved them back to the back of his mind so they wouldn't clutter the place and get in the way; he needed to focus.

"So everything's gone as you imagined?" It was the tone of voice that Mello tended to use before he started yelling angrily.

"Yes," Near told the truth. "Though I didn't expect you to come all the way here…" _I thought you hated me too much to try to negotiate with me, and that you'd use one of the SPK members to get you the photo…_

Mello didn't say anything, which, in Near's experience with him, had never boded well.

Hoping to avoid an angry outburst that could possibly escalate into violence, Near added: "And thanks to you, Mello, I have been able to greatly narrow down my suspects for Kira."

But apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because there was the sound of Mello pulling his gun out, likely pointing it at him, and Mello's angry voice: _"Near. I'm not a tool for you to use to solve the puzzle."_

And then there was the sound of Commander Rester and Gevanni pulling out their guns as well, likely pointing them at Mello, and Near had apparently just caused exactly what he'd been trying to avoid.

He reached up to curl a lock of hair around his fingers, trying to remain calm. _I meant it as a compliment… What did I do wrong? How do I fix this?_

"Commander Rester, don't make me repeat myself," he said. "Please lower your gun." _Don't aggravate him; making him feel threatened and desperate will only make the situation worse. You saw what happened when the Japanese Task Force cornered him._

He curled his hair around his fingers, trying to _think_ , but—

All he could think of to say was: "Mello, if you want to shoot me, go ahead." _I don't think you'll really shoot me, but… if you do, I don't think you'll aim for something vital—I don't think you want to kill me, only hurt me—and I suppose I probably did something to deserve it._

 _I need you to not be angry right now, Mello—I need you to be able to think clearly, without your emotions blinding you. But I don't know what to say to make you less angry… So if shooting me will help you feel better enough to calm down and think rationally, then I'm fine with it._

 _And if you're not planning to shoot me, then this should force you to put the gun away so that Commander Rester and Gevanni put their guns away and everyone can calm down._

Mello's gun was making strange clicking noises, and Near had just about resigned himself to the fact that he was going to be shot, and it was going to hurt, when there was the click of boots against the floor behind him and suddenly Lidern was saying: "Mello, if you kill Near right now, then even if you succeed in capturing Kira, it will be meaningless. And if you shoot Near, we'll be left with no choice but to shoot you. What good is there in both of you dying? That will only make Kira happy."

Near counted five controlled breaths before Mello said: "Heh… she's right," and assumedly lowered his gun, judging by Commander Rester's relieved exhale.

Near wasn't sure what to feel about the entire thing—he was grateful to Lidner for diffusing the situation, but he also felt like a failure for having caused it in the first place, and he wasn't sure which feeling should win out, so he tried to push it all away and not feel anything and just focus on what to do next, but he didn't understand what he'd done wrong so he didn't know what he should do now.

Luckily, Mello did (Mello always did), because he said: "Near, I just came to get the photo you have of me."

"Yes." Near took the photo from the pocket of his shirt, and held it out. "This is the only remaining photograph, and there are no copies of it."

There was the clack of boots coming up behind him, and the photo was pulled from his grasp by black leather gloves.

"Also, the surveillance cameras here only monitor, they don't record," Near continued. "I've contacted all the members of Wommany's House and anyone else from your past who would know your face. It's not a hundred percent perfect,"— _unfortunately—"_ but I think it's safe to say that you won't be killed by the notebook." _I did everything I could, at least._

There was a long pause, and Near fiddled with one of his toy mecha robots simply for something to do, repeatedly bending one of the arms at the elbow and then straightening it again, listening to the plastic squeak slightly.

"Near, I have no intention of joining forces with you," Mello said finally.

"I know," Near said, bending and straightening the toy's arm. _Why would you state what we both already know?_

"But it would upset me to receive this picture without giving anything in return."

Near stilled. _I didn't expect this._

"The murder notebook," Mello said. "It's a Shinigami's notebook, and people who touch it are able to see the Shinigami."

 _Shinigami…?_ Near's mind whirred.

"Impossible…" Commander Rester.

"Who's going to believe that? A Shinigami…?" Gevanni.

Near set the mecha robot down. "I believe him," he stated. And because he knew they wouldn't get it unless he explained why, he pointed out: "What advantage is there for Mello in coming up with such a stupid story about a Shinigami really existing? If he were telling me a lie, he would tell me a normal—more meaningful—lie. Therefore, the Shinigami exists."

Mello continued: "The notebook I had belonged to a Shinigami named Sidoh, who dropped it in the human world. He had to come down to get it back. But another Shinigami had it before."

The pieces were clicking into place. "We know that because there were rules written in English inside the notebook for human use, right?" Near lifted the mecha robot just enough to turn it sideways, setting it back down again. "It would be odd for a Shinigami to write rules down for humans to use when he wants to get it back…"

Mello's boots clacked on the floor, moving away. "And one more thing… there is a fake rule hidden amongst the rules written in the notebook."

Near's eyes widened. _A fake rule…?! Why—?_

"That's all the information I can give you." The sound of Mello's boots stopped. "Near."

"Mello," Near replied.

There was the familiar sound or rustling foil. "Which of us is going to get Kira first…?" It was the voice Mello used before a test or competition, when he was feeling confident about his success—it was one of Mello's pleased tones, and Near relaxed, feeling comfortable with the familiarity of it. He knew the correct way to respond to Mello's challenges.

He reached up to curl a lock of hair around his fingers, smiling slightly. "The race is on…" _Mello, you always were the most comfortable when you were competing for something…_

"Our destination is the same," Mello stated, his boots clacking against the floor again, moving away. There was the familiar sound of a chocolate bar snapping, and then Mello's chocolate-thickened voice: "I'll be waiting for you when you get there…"

Near hugged his leg to his chest, smiling against his knee. _It's good to be working with you again, Mello._

 _And with both our efforts, we'll definitely catch Kira._

 _For L._

* * *

Light narrowed his eyes at the television, feeling uneasy about the Vice President's announcement.

 _The SPK is being disbanded…? But it's impossible that Near is giving up… he's too much like L…_

 _And why would they announce the disbanding of an organization that nobody knew about? I don't like this. This is part of Near's plan. He's beginning to make his move…_

 _(This is reminiscent of when L had the news announce that fake bulletin about the FBI sending in 1,500 detectives to Japan…)_

 _Mello… Near… my top priority has to be to kill them. As long as they're alive, the New World I've been creating is threatened._

 _I have no way of locating Mello unless he tries to get into contact with us—which he probably will, actually, though I can't count on it._

 _But if I get the Vice President on Kira's side—he's announced his acceptance of Kira, but I might still have to threaten him—I should be able to find Near by getting information on the other SPK members, and contacting one of them…_

 _And once Near and the SPK are gone, and with the mafia eliminated as well, Mello won't have anyone to turn to, and he won't be able to do anything against me. Eliminate Near, and I've essentially eliminated Mello as well. Even L couldn't do anything without the assistance of others._

 _So now the problem is simply how to get rid of Near…_

 _Now that I've come this far, I'm going to have to use the public against him. I've got a lot more man-power than he does now. And if I use Sakura TV, it should work… Should I wait, though?_

 _No, I definitely need to kill Near as soon as possible—and ideally before he comes into contact with Mello. Not that it'll matter whether or not he's come into contact with Mello, once he's dead._

 _But still—the sooner he's dealt with, the better._

 _As soon as I discover where he's hiding…_

* * *

Near looked at the screen broadcasting Sakura TV's _Kira's Kingdom_ show in disgust as the man Demegawa 'announced to the world the words of Kira.'

 _This is revolting._

Glaring at both nothing and everything in general, Near squeezed the trigger of a water-gun, spraying one of the mecha robots in the face. (It made him feel better only very slightly.)

 _Kira chose such a sleazebag as his spokesperson… and this all seems rather early and forced… if Kira is really doing all this, then it only proves that Kira is afraid of Mello and me… could it be the fake rule…?_

He set both the robot and the water-gun down, reaching out instead to grab a stack of tarot cards, spreading them out face-down in a circle around him as he went over the rules of the Death Note in his head, memorized verbatim from what the new L had told him:

 _1\. The human whose name is written in this note shall die._

 _2\. This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected._

 _3\. If the cause of death is written within the next 40 seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen._

 _4\. If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack._

 _5\. After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds._

 _6\. If the user of the Death Note fails to consecutively write names within 13 days of each other, then the user will die._

 _7\. If a person makes this notebook unusable by tearing it up or burning it, all the humans who have touched the Death Note will die._

Near surveyed his array of cards as he set the rest of the stack down, reaching up to curl a lock of hair around his fingers.

 _Judging from all the murders, it is unmistakable that the notebook is able to kill people by heart attacks, and by controlling them to a certain degree, which means that the first five rules have to be correct._

 _Tear it up or burn it… the notebook still exists, and there's no way of testing that._

 _And Mello would definitely have tested the fake rule in order to make sure, and he wouldn't have told me about it unless he had confirmed it … therefore…_

Near reached out and flipped a card off the top of the stack of remaining tarot cards, revealing a Death card.

… _The fake rule is the one where you must write another name down within 13 days or die._

Near regarded the card, the design one of a skull in profile looking to the left with two scythes framing it and a starry sky backdrop behind it.

 _I may as well ask directly…_ Near reached over and picked up his headset. "Gevanni, please connect me to L."

"Right," Gevanni said from where he was sitting a computer a few feet away, his fingers tapping against the keys as he set up the connection.

Near fixed the headset over his ears and waited for the _beep_ that would indicate that the connection had gone through. _Now I just need a good story…_

 _No, it doesn't even have to be a good story—it can be a shoddy one. It doesn't matter if L/Kira can tell it's a lie as long as I insist it's the truth, just as he's been doing with his ridiculous story about getting help from Kira to attack Mello's hideout. It just needs to have enough truth so he won't be able to deny it._

He curled a lock of hair around his fingers.

 _Beep._

"L, I've caught Mello," Near said, lowering his hand. _You should know that he had both the ability to determine and test the fake rule, so you can't sidestep this._ "But… he escaped." _This should indicate that I don't have him with me, you can't question him, and he won't be arrested._ "However, I was able to question him a little." _Which should clearly indicate to you how I got the information._

L's scrambled voice came over the headset: /Near, Mello didn't escape, you let him get away… am I right? Or do you still have him with you?/

(It still made Near feel disgust to hear this impostor using the same voice as L, but he'd long filed the reaction away under the filter of Useless Emotional Reactions That Should Be Ignored For The Sake Of Rational Thought.)

"No, he really did escape," Near said, smiling slightly. _Serves you right for your own shoddy story you keep insisting is the truth._ Just to rub it in, he couldn't help adding: "I'm pretty impressed at how he escaped from under our noses."

That wasn't the point of the conversation, though, so he continued on to the real matter: "He did tell me a few things of interest, and I would like your opinion on them, L."

 _That's right: your opinion as a detective chasing after Kira, just as you claim to be—in order to keep up that facade, you're going to have to answer my questions honestly, especially if you're currently at headquarters and the rest of the Task Force are there._

"Mello claimed that a Shinigami possesses the notebook. Have you been able to confirm such an existence?"

 _You'll no doubt be wondering how much Mello told me. If I start with this question, and you think that this is all I told Mello, you should answer it honestly, since what you'd be most worried about is the 13 Day Rule. It shouldn't be of any consequence to you to admit the existence of Shinigami. Though it would be interesting if you tried to deny it…_

/Yes, Shinigami truly do exist. But I kept it a secret because I thought you'd never believe me./

 _So you didn't try to deny it after all._

"I'd really like to have a talk with that Shinigami," Near remarked.

 _But I know they'd never allow me to question it. Oh well…_

He continued: "And the thing that's bugging me the most…"

 _If my theory is correct then this should make you panic a bit, and you might make a move to off me so I don't figure out who you are—if that happens, then my theory will be mostly confirmed._

"…is that there's a fake rule hidden among the seven rules you told me about before."

There was a pause, and then: /A fake rule…?/

"Yes." Near curled a lock of hair around his fingers, waiting.

 _Don't worry—the Japanese Task Force wouldn't have tested the notebook, so they would have had no way of knowing a rule was fake, so it's fine for you to try to cast doubt on this—in fact, you have to, for the sake of both your role as Kira and your role as L._

/But this is Mello we're talking about. He might just be trying to confuse us./

"That's true."

 _Best not to deny it, since it technically is possible—I know Mello isn't lying because I know Mello, but that's not proof, so there'd be no way of convincing the Japanese Task Force._

 _But that's okay, because that's also not the point of this conversation, and it's better if this remains purely hypothetical, anyway, since you'll have no reason not to answer._

His hair was smooth around his fingers. "But L, I'd like to hear your opinion. If one of the rules _is_ fake, which one do you think it is?"

 _There's only one answer you can give, if you want to keep up any semblance of intelligence. But it probably_ will _hurt, and if you're as afraid as I think you are, you might try something… possibly…_

There was a brief pause, and then: /By process of elimination, it is likely to be the one that says the writer will die unless they write another name in the notebook within thirteen days./

 _Indeed. "_ Yes, that's what I thought too." _And that pause of yours was suspiciously brief. Not even pretending to think about it?_ He curled his hair around his fingers.

/Shinigami, is there a fake rule written in the notebook?/

Near stopped twirling his hair, eyes widening slightly. _So you_ did _try something…_ He smiled. _You really_ are _afraid now, aren't you?_

 _You should know that claiming such a thing would never convince me. And there'd be no point in going to these lengths if you were alone, so there's probably people there with you…_

/It seems that there is no fake rule. I can only assume that Mello was lying… and if we write a name down in the notebook, that person will die, so there's no way of testing it./

Near began twirling his hair again, still smiling. _This is going even better than I expected._

"So… you have the Shinigami beside you?"

 _I've heard about the Shinigami from Mello, and you've already confirmed their existence, so you should know that if I know that a Shinigami was attached to the notebook that Mello had, then I should know that now that you have the notebook there should be a Shinigami with you, so it makes sense not to deny this. And you just spoke to the Shinigami so I could hear you do so, anyway._

/Yes./

 _And since the Shinigami would be attached to the notebook:_ "You said that the notebook is being held at the Japanese Task Force headquarters. That means that you, L, are also at the headquarters. Am I correct?"

 _He should have no reason not to deny it if it's true, especially if the other Task Force members are there, because it would be suspicious to them if he were avoiding answering honestly._

/That is correct./

Near began flipping over a few of the tarot cards circling him, revealing more Death cards. _I just need to make sure:_ "Are people other than you listening to this conversation?"

/Yes, there are./

Near stopped flipping cards once seven Death cards were revealed, one for reach rule in the Death Note.

 _If the other Task Force members are there with you, that it's_ them _you're trying to convince, am I right?_ _Which would mean that the Task Force members know something that would make them suspicious of you if they were to believe the 13 Day Rule is fake…_

The pieces were coming together. "I think I'm figuring it out…" _I should definitely be able to find out who L/Kira is, now…_

"The new L… and members of the Japanese Task Force…" Near could barely contain his glee. "Did you see the original L's face?"

 _Beep._

Gevanni turned in his chair. "L cut the connection…"

"Which is the same as admitting that they've seen L's face," Near said. He twirled his hair around his fingers, trying to keep his excitement under control.

 _L can't just not answer… he's probably informing the rest of the Task Force that I suspect one of them of being Kira… but if they all know that they saw the original L's face, there's no point in lying…_

Near waited.

 _Beep._

/It's true that there are some members here who have seen the original L's face./

"Ah… so you've seen him." It was all Near could do to contain his delight. "Then let's assume… and as I said, this is only an assumption… that one of the people who have seen the original L's face is Kira." He reached out, picking up one of the Death cards.

 _Kira would have had to have seen L's face in order to kill him, after all—that shouldn't be that hard to figure out, even for the Japanese Task Force._

"Then why is Kira, who killed L, keeping you alive? Don't you think it would have been easier to kill all of you along with L?"

 _That's what Kira would have done, if Kira had been outside of the Task Force. So how have you been explaining this to the other members, L/Kira?_

The skull was still in profile looking to the left, the scythes still framing it, the background still dark and star-studded.

/Near. Your assumption doesn't make any sense./

 _Oh? And how's that?_

/The Task Force has been through many situations where we clearly could tell that Kira was not among us. That's why we've come this far together. The fact that we're all still alive is the greatest proof that one of us is _not_ Kira./

 _An appeal to their emotions—I see. Yes, emotion does have a way of obscuring truth and rationality, doesn't it?_

 _But then how do you assume Kira killed L?_

/Our assumption is that Kira got hold of L's information by some means, and killed him./

Near turned the Death card over in his hands. "Now, is that really true?"

 _That makes no sense, you know. If Kira had been able to get ahold of L's information—which would have been basically impossible—he would definitely have gotten ahold of all of yours. So if that theory were true, you'd definitely be dead._

 _But if the Task Force has been buying that explanation for all these years, they probably wouldn't start doubting it now…_

 _No, the way to raise their suspicion of you is to dismantle the alibi you created by using the fake 13 Day Rule to 'prove' your innocence._

"I believe that the '13 Day Rule' is a fake. If so, do you still think that my assumption doesn't stand?"

 _L, you were probably caught by the original L and then confined and put under 24/7 surveillance for over 13 days, and the rest of the Task Force members probably know this._

/The Shinigami claims that all the rules are true. Are you saying that the Shinigami is lying?/

"Yes."

 _That's the only defense you could come up with? Weak. An appeal to a 'higher authority' is a logical fallacy, you know. And the idea that a being that kills people by writing their names down is a 'higher authority' that is somehow exempt from lying is ridiculous._

"I believe Mello over a Shinigami. It's a _Shinigami_ , for god's sake… how could I believe such a thing…?"

 _How could the rest of the Japanese Task Force believe such a thing?_

"And if my assumption stands…" Near reached out and picked up another tarot card from the circle, revealing The Devil. "Then Kira is among you, and is making the Shinigami lie."

 _It's hard to imagine a human having power over a Shinigami, but Kira has had the notebook for several years—which means he's had the Shinigami attached to the notebook following him around for several years, so he's probably established some kind of relationship with it. So he's probably figured out how to make the Shinigami lie._

 _He was clever enough to kill L, after all._

* * *

Light looked down so that his bangs hid his eyes, and carefully did not clench his teeth.

 _L's heir, huh….? He's worse than L…_

* * *

Kira-L wasn't saying anything, and Near waited, examining the Devil card.

The demonic red figure depicted was gaunt and hunched, with hoofed feet, clawed hands, a tail, wings that arced like scythes, glowing yellow eyes and a sick grin, standing in front of a black background with the outline of a yellow, five-pointed star.

The number of the Devil card was XV, while the number of the Death card was XIII. (Number XIV was the Temperance card, for whatever reason.)

/Near,/ Kira-L finally continued, /I understand your theory, but we can't write somebody's name down just to find out whether the rule is a fake or not. We have talked about testing the notebook, but we've always concluded that we must respect human life, and therefore testing the notebook is something we must never do./

 _It's easy to say that you should value human life, isn't it? How ironic, that you've been using the excuse of valuing human life to allow you to keep murdering people…_

 _Let's tempt him, then—the results should be interesting. And it should allow me to find out something else I've been wondering, as well._

"Then how about this?" Near set the Devil card down, reaching up to curl his hair around his fingers. "I'll write Mello's name in the book. Of course, that is only if you know Mello's real name…"

 _You cornered Mello, but you haven't been able to kill him yet… by your account, the only person to have seen Mello's face was Soichiro Yagami, who died soon after the attack… before the attack, though, you received another notebook from Kira, which means you received the ability to kill people by writing down a name, and if you also received the ability to know someone's name just by seeing their face…_

 _Mello was especially desperate to get his photo back, but his photo didn't have his name on it, so it would have been useless to anyone unless they had that ability. And if he either knew that the Japanese Task Force was in possession of that ability or knew that you'd already learned his name—say Soichiro Yagami had the ability, since he's the one who saw Mello's face—then that would explain why he was anxious enough about his photo to come all the way to the SPK headquarters to get it back…_

 _So: do you know his name? If you don't, you should turn down this offer pretty quickly, since it would be impossible without his real name. But if you do know it, then…_

"Obviously, Mello will get the death sentence if he is caught," Near continued. "So I'll take responsibility for writing his name down since I let Mello escape after getting my hands on him."

 _You're still listening, and haven't said that you don't know Mello's real name yet, so it's likely that you do know it…_

 _And while I'd never actually kill Mello, you don't know that. All you know is that Mello and I are competing—and since you and Mello seem to share a mindset of doing whatever it takes to become Number One and killing anyone who gets in your way, you'll probably be convinced that I would indeed kill him if given the chance, since you'll probably take it for granted that I'm the same. So this bluff should work._

 _And you no doubt really want for Mello to die, so this should be an offer tempting enough for you to consider…_

"If I specify where he dies, then you will be able to confirm Mello's death. After that, you can perform DNA tests and such upon the things you have gathered from the remains of the explosion."

 _You no doubt have gathered such evidence, since you want so badly to find him and kill him… and you wouldn't consider the offer unless you'd be able to make sure that it was really Mello._

 _Now, I also need to explain why I would be willing to risk this…_

Near curled his hair around his fingers. "If Mello dies… and I die 13 days after writing his name down… Kira wins. And I have no problem with that."

 _This should suggest to you that I'm confident about my theory, which should increase your anxiety, as well as further suggest that I would really be willing to kill Mello in order to prove it._

 _You're probably wondering if there's a way to get me to use the Death Note to kill Mello, and then kill me 13 days later to make it look like the rule is true, and if you think you can take out both of us at once then you'll definitely consider it._

 _To tempt the rest of the Task Force, though…_

"'If the person using the note fails to consecutively write names of people to be killed within 13 days of each other, then the user will die.' Testing this rule may turn out to be a plus for our Kira investigation, and it could never be a minus. I will do the test myself."

 _Even if they say they value human life, they might want revenge against Mello, blaming him for Chief Yagami's death. And if that's they case, and they believe I'd be willing to go to such lengths to try to solve the case—the fact that I'm L's successor, and they worked with L and probably became somewhat familiar with his methods, should help convince them of that—then they might consider the offer._

 _And if I want Kira-L to consider it, then I need to make him think that the rest of the Task Force would consider it as well, otherwise he'd have to reject the idea outright to keep up his facade…_

 _And if all of them are tempted enough by the offer, and they do know Mello's name, they probably won't deny it…_

Near twirled his hair around his fingers and waited.

* * *

Light narrowed his eyes, fingers touching lightly to his headset as he considered the offer.

 _Near uses the notebook to kill Mello. I'll see Near's face, and then kill Near 13 days later. Perfect…_

 _No, this is a trap. How do I know if Near really writes the name down himself? And even if Near does write it, I can't believe that he'd show his face to us. He might even write a different name down at the last minute._

Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced at the other Task Force members gathered behind them and talking amongst themselves.

 _But Misa and I were the ones who were confined. If I just reject this offer on my own, then it'll give a bad impression to the others._

 _Only the people here know about the confinement. What if I kill them first, and then make it seem that I died too…?_

 _No, they may find out later that I was a member of this team, and that plan is the same as running away… I can do this—these guys trust me more than they trust Near._

* * *

/…Near, please wait a minute. We need to talk about your suggestion./

 _Beep._

Near stopped twirling his hair. _So you_ do _know Mello's name, then._

 _That makes it even more likely that you're Kira—I can't imagine Kira, if he were outside of the Task Force, would allow people who were trying to catch him the power to know a person's name just by seeing their face._

 _And if my theory is correct and you were confined for over 13 days and used that to prove your innocence to the Japanese Task Force, now that I've cast doubt on the validity of that, the other members will probably start doubting you…_

 _And if they do, I should be able to get more information out of them…_

Goals completed, he occupied himself by turning over the rest of the tarot cards that he'd set in a circle around him face-up—revealing them all to be Death cards—and waited for Kira-L to discuss it with the Task Force and then reply back with the inevitable answer.

(Even if they were tempted by his offer, ultimately the rest of the Task Force would come to the moral decision, and Kira-L would come to the conclusion that Near's offer was a trick and wouldn't bother to try to push the matter. Especially since it would make him look more suspicious—as L, he had no special reason to want Mello die. He only wanted that because he was Kira.)

 _Beep._

/Near, we can't test the notebook, whatever the reason. We promise you that we'll take full responsibility for protecting it./

"Very well, as expected," Near said, and ended the call.

 _Beep._

Near took off the headset and smiled.

 _I've almost got you, Kira._

* * *

Near hung up the call, and Light carefully did not clench his teeth.

 _Expecting us to say that…? So he said it even though he knew that we were going to reject it…? Then Near's objective was to get the others to have doubts about me…?_

 _But this makes it clear. Near suspects me._

 _Damn it…! He's just as manipulative and methodical as L… And now he's had contact with that loose cannon, Mello… damn it…!_

 _(It's just like you to have successors that are so excessive, L…)_

* * *

Mello was checked in (under a false name) at a shitty (low-profile) hotel (conveniently located) across the street from the SPK headquarters, thinking about what he'd learned from Near and planning his next move.

He sat slouched in an old leather arm chair, turning a wrapped chocolate bar over in his gloved hands (force of habit—he'd long tried to avoid leaving fingerprints on anything, simply for the sake of leaving no trace of his existence).

The leather chair squeaked whenever he moved and the walls were exposed brick that the chill had a way of clinging to, but Mello hardly noticed.

 _L is Kira…? But L is Touta Matsuda, and he's useless… but this is Near, so he's probably right… damn it…! I need more information._

 _I have Matsuda's phone number, but it would be bad to call someone who's probably L… I also have the cellphone number of that other guy, Mogi, though. If I call him, then… but in order to question him and actually get answers I'd need to meet him in-person… but they already know my name, so if he sees my face… I could keep my face covered, I guess, but… if it's just me, it'll be hard to threaten him…_

 _No, it's too dangerous. I'm not going to die over one of Near's theories, damn it!_

He knew that Near had used him—was still using him. And it hurt, but…

Maybe it would've hurt more if he hadn't also used Near—if he wasn't planning on continuing to use Near. Theirs was a mutually parasitic symbiotic relationship—they were both using each other.

 _I know where Near's headquarters are. I'll just call Mogi and get him to go to the SPK headquarters, and have Near question him._

He'd been told by Yagami that Touta Matsuda was the current L, and if Near's theory about the new L being Kira was correct, then he shouldn't send someone who could be L over to see Near's face. He couldn't let Near be killed, after all; he couldn't be Number One just because Near died—he had to become Number One by subverting Near to Second Place.

And to do that he needed information about the Japanese Task Force and the current L; but it would definitely be too dangerous to try to get that information himself.

Near should be able to do it, though. He still had members of the SPK to help him, and he was good at getting information, and if his theory about the present L being Kira was true then he probably knew the right questions to ask.

And he'd want Mello's help trying to catch Kira, too—he'd be counting on Mello to take action, since he never took action himself, always remaining behind the scenes—so he'd definitely do everything he could to get enough information out of Mogi to convince Mello that the current L was Kira.

And if the current L really _was_ Kira, and Mello had enough information on the Japanese Task Force, then he could catch Kira himself—before Near did. But in order to do that he needed to help Near out, too.

It was a mutually parasitic symbiotic relationship, but in the end Mello would come out on top.

He tore open the gold foil of the chocolate bar, peeling it back and taking a vicious bite, a large chunk breaking off from the rest and snapping between his teeth, the taste sweet, milky, and reassuringly familiar.

 _There are absolutely no disadvantages to this plan for me. I'll get answers without having to show my face. And it'll make Near do the dangerous task, for once… It won't even matter if the Mogi guy is wired, with Near questioning him—knowing Near and the way he likes to provoke people, he might want L and the other Task Force members to overhear the conversation, anyway…_

He took another bite of chocolate, slower and calmer this time, letting the chocolate melt in his mouth.

 _If L is Kira, then either the rest of the Japanese Task Force know and are working with him, or they don't know and L has been fooling them for all these years… I find it hard to imagine that that Yagami guy would have teamed up with someone he knew was Kira, or that Kira would have willingly let them hand over the notebook, so it's probably the latter… the Japanese Task Force_ is _pretty stupid…_

He licked the chocolate thoughtfully.

 _But if they don't know that L is Kira, then it would be just like Near to try to make them suspicious and then get at least one of them on his side…_

Lick, lick, lick.

 _This plan should work._ Bite. _I just need to make sure the guy won't have a camera on him—I can't let L see Near's face. It won't do me any good if Near dies._

 _If I call Mogi and then make sure that he has no chance to get prepared in any way or come up with any kind of plan with the rest of the Task Force and L, though…_

 _I have the guy's cellphone number memorized, and there's no reason not to do it—no, there's every reason to do it. If I want to catch Kira, I have no choice._

Mello finished off the chocolate bar and grabbed his phone, dialing the number and holding the phone to his ear as he listened to it ring.

"Are you Mogi?" he asked when the call picked up. He didn't bother to disguise his voice, since he wanted Mogi to recognize that it was really him.

"Yes…" the man said.

"Are you alone?" Mello asked. _He's probably at the Task Force Headquarters right now…_

"No…"

 _Is this conversation being overheard?_ "...Then there's somebody right near you?" _It doesn't really matter if they tap Mogi's phone or put a wire on him, since it's going to be Near doing the questioning and not me, but I don't want them to be able to plan anything—and I don't want him to know that it's not actually going to be me._

"No…"

"Then this conversation is not being overheard?" _That's fine, then_. Mello took out another chocolate bar, peeling back the foil. "In that case, I want you to just keep answering so that the others around you will not realize who you're talking to."

"Okay."

 _Let's cut to the chase, then._ Mello grinned and took a bite of the chocolate. "Mogi," he said around the chocolate snapping between his teeth, "why don't you come to New York to see me?"

There was a surprised intake of breath, but no answer.

 _You want to capture me, so you won't want to miss this chance._

"I won't tell you anything else, not unless you come to the place I specify," Mello continued. "No cameras or wires. And make sure you bring extra cellphone batteries. I want you to tell me right now if you're coming or not. I can't let you hang up to think about it since you could come up with a plan with the people around you. Stay on the line with me at all times. The only time you can turn your cellphone off is when you get on the airplane. I'll call you again once you land."

 _I'm going to use your cellphone to hear you conversation with Near, but you'd never guess that Near and I would cooperate with each other. Since I said no cameras or wires, you'll think that I mean to show you my face, and you'll think the extra cellphone batteries are just because I don't want to potentially lose contact with you during the trip, and that I'll be getting another communication device ready which I'll hand to you later._

 _Ha ha—loser._

"Okay, where do I need to go?" the man said after a pause.

"Good," Mello said, and stood from the chair, walking over to stand with his back to the wall looking over his shoulder out the window to read the street sign without his figure being visible from the sidewalk. "I want you to come to the exit of the Nick St. Station in New York as fast as you can."

"Okay."

Mello grinned and took another bite of chocolate.

It was a long wait for the guy to get from L.A. to New York, and a lot of listening to nothing over the phone, but Mello could be patient if the reward for that patience would be worthwhile.

Mogi only spoke when necessary—such as to buy the plane tickets—and never once tried to pry more information out of Mello.

 _This guy might be hard to get information out of… it'll be Near doing the questioning, though, so it shouldn't be a problem._

Almost six hours later, the man finally said: "I've arrived at Nick St. Station exit."

Mello looked through his binoculars to make sure the man was telling the truth.

Sure enough, the Japanese man was standing at the top of the stairs leading up from the subway station.

"Enter the building right across from you," Mello told him, and then lowered the phone from his ear, pulling out his other phone and dialing Hal Lidner.

The phone rang twice, and then Hal picked up.

"Hal, it's me," Mello said. "Get me Near."

There were vague sounds of movement, Hal's voice saying distantly, "Near… it's Mello," the sounds of the phone being passed to someone else, and then that slight humming noise Near tended to make in lieu of an actual greeting.

Mello's lips almost quirked. "Near, a man named Mogi from the Japanese Task Force is going to show up at your place very soon," he said. "He's a well-built man, about 6'2''."

Unlike most people, Near's breathing was practically silent over the phone.

"Now it's my turn to use you," Mello said, leaning back against the wall as he looked obliquely out the window. "I want you to let him in and ask him everything you need. But keep his cellphone on so that I can listen to your conversation through it. If L is really Kira, then pull information out of him that will convince me. I know you're good at that stuff. If you can do that, then I'll get Kira myself."

Near was silent, but Mello knew that he was just thinking—Near had always been quiet (the only exceptions being when he was prying information out of people, or being a smart-ass and condescendingly explaining things to people he'd deemed were idiots), and Mello was used to it (somehow, even after five years, he was still used to it).

Near was silent, and Mello waited.

"I'm going to call up L to make sure he isn't the man you sent over," Near finally informed him. "If I ascertain that they're different individuals, then I will let him in and do as you suggest."

Then Near hung up.

 _How like Near,_ Mello thought, and tucked the phone away in his pocket, putting the one connected to Mogi back to his ear. _No man who looks and acts as much like a hired thug as this Mogi guy is going to be Kira. I bet you Kira's one of those arrogant, charming types that always keep themselves perfectly groomed and love to hear themselves talk._

 _And if what you say is true, Near, and the present L really is Kira, there's no way he'd come down here himself. And even if he did, he would have tried to pry information out of me over the phone._

 _But do whatever floats your boat, Near._

Mello waited, watching the street out the window idly.

"I'm at the door," Mogi said over the phone.

"It'll open in just a minute," Mello told him, leaning back against the brick wall. "Be patient. It's taken you over six hours to get here—a few more minutes won't kill you."

The man didn't reply.

 _You should really hurry up, Near. If what you say is true, and L is Kira, then Kira probably knows that Mogi came to see me, and he might kill the guy the way he killed the deputy director of the NPA._

 _Though I guess that would be the proof you need, huh?_

 _It would be just like you to think that way._

* * *

Near was calculating the landing trajectory for a model airplane on the model airport runway he'd set up when Lidner's phone went off.

 _Beep beep_. The sound was loud and jarring, like an alarm.

Near landed the model airplane in a rushed manner that would have killed all the passengers.

"Near…" Lidner said, her heels clicking on the floor behind him. "It's Mello."

Near held up his hand for the phone. _So Mello's made his move… what is he up to…?_

The smooth, cold surface of the phone was placed against his hand, and he wrapped his fingers around it, taking the phone and tucking it against his left ear.

 _What is it, Mello?_

"Near," came Mello's voice, "a man named Mogi from the Japanese Task Force is going to show up at your place very soon. He's a well-built man, about 6'2''."

Near's eyes widened slightly.

"Now it's my turn to use you," Mello said. "I want you to let him in and ask him everything you need. But keep his cellphone on so that I can listen to your conversation through it. If L is really Kira, then pull information out of him that will convince me. I know you're good at that stuff. If you can do that, then I'll get Kira myself."

 _Impressive, Mello. This way, you won't be in danger… But with this method, I'll have to…_

"Near, the man is here. He only has a cellphone, and no cameras or bugs." That was Gevanni.

Near glanced over at the monitor, to see that there was indeed a well-built Japanese man there with a phone pressed to his ear.

 _I have no reason to doubt that this man is truly from the Japanese Task Force… but if this man happens to be L and Kira… well, it's hard to believe that Mello would directly contact L, and that L—Kira—would personally take action. Mello wouldn't try to kill me… but it's not impossible that it's L._

 _It's easy to check, though._

"I'm going to call up L to make sure he isn't the man you sent over," Near told Mello. "If I ascertain that they're different individuals, then I will let him in and do as you suggest."

He ended the call and held the phone up for Lidner to take back.

"Gevanni, please connect me to L," Near said. The cellphone was removed from his hand, the smooth surface sliding against the tips of his fingers, and then he reached out to grab his headset, placing it over his ears and flipping down the mic on the left side.

 _Beep._

Near kept his eyes on the monitor.

/Yes, Near?/ came L's voice-scrambled voice.

Mogi didn't move his lips.

"Sorry, I called the wrong number," Near said, and terminated the connection.

 _Beep_.

Near tilted his head as he scrutinized Mogi. _So he's not L…_ _Then I must hurry…_ "Let that man in, please."

"Okay." That was Lidner, her heels already clacking on the floor.

 _It's unlikely that this Mogi, since he's a member of the Japanese Task Force but isn't L, has acted entirely on his own here. If he followed Mello's request, then it's probably because he wanted to the chance to capture Mello, which means he would have needed backup from the rest of the Task Force and the go-ahead from L. So it's possible that L at least knows that Mello contacted him, and had other members of the Task Force tail him in order to find and capture Mello…_

 _Actually, it's entirely possible that L has tapped Mogi's phone in order to hear his conversations. He'd definitely want to know what was said between them. Which means that he'll know when he hears me speak to Mogi that it's me and not Mello._

 _However, since it's the SPK and we're not criminals, he won't be able to have the other Task Force members arrest us. But it would mean that he knows our location… and since he's Kira, he might try something…_

There was the sound of the door sliding open, and then the clacking of Lidner's heels along with the slower, heavier steps of the man Mogi. The sound of the man's soles was very similar to that of Commander Rester's, so he must have been wearing dress shoes—which would make sense, given that the monitors had shown him wearing a business suit—and he seemed to be about the same height and build as Commander Rester, as well.

(Not that Near thought they'd have to resort to physical force, but he still noted it.)

The man's footsteps stopped several feet behind him.

"Hello, pleased to meet you," he said, not turning around. "I'm Near."

 _Should I try not to let him see my face? But there's no cameras on him, and given that the Task Force denied my offer to write Mello's name in the notebook it's impossible that this man would willfully try to kill me that way… and since he knows about the murder notebook, it's unlikely that Kira-L could trick him into writing the name down… of course, that's only a concern if this man has the ability to know a person's name just by seeing their face…_

 _But even if he does, it shouldn't matter—it's Kira that wants to kill me, not the Japanese Task Force, and if the present L asked for my name it would be akin to admitting guilt. And besides, we don't have to let Mogi go back to the Task Force, necessarily…_

"Please sit down," Near said, reaching out and nudging the model plane a little farther along the runway. "There's a lot of things I want to ask you about."

 _And if L really is tapping your phone, and is listening to this, especially if the other members of the Task Force are listening as well, then I could definitely use this to my advantage…_

 _But if Kira now knows my location, then I have to hurry… I need to do whatever it takes to get this Mogi on our side…_

 _I don't have time… even if L is Kira, he'll be able to kill Mogi, but he still shouldn't be able to kill me. If Mogi dies right now, that would mean that Kira is a member of the Japanese Task Force…_

Near turned to look over at Mogi, showing his face. "Mogi, isn't it?"

* * *

It was only about another minute of waiting before Mello heard the man get let in, and then Near's emotionless voice coming distantly over the phone.

"Hello, pleased to meet you. I'm Near."

Mogi didn't reply to the greeting.

 _Looks like Near's getting his just deserts—he never replied to greetings, either._

There was a beat of silence, and then Near's voice was audible again, this time a bit louder over the speaker—"Please sit down. There's a lot of things I want to ask you about."—so either Mogi had moved closer, or he'd moved the phone away from his ear. Or both.

 _Actually, if the present L is Kira and knows that Mogi is here, then why isn't he killing him yet?_

 _Then again, he's probably tapped Mogi's cellphone, so he can probably overhear everything, so he's probably waiting to see what Near will say and what Mogi will reveal._

 _That's okay—Near's no doubt taken that into consideration, just like every other potential possibility._

 _But then again, the present L may not actually be Kira…_

"Mogi, isn't it?" Near asked.

The man didn't answer.

"All Mello wants is to capture Kira, just like we do," Near said. "I'm sure you understand that."

 _Yeah, I guess the guy probably wouldn't trust Near if he thought we were working together…_

Mogi still didn't say anything.

 _But if he was prepared to see me, why's he hesitating now that it turns out to be Near instead? I guess he might be annoyed at getting tricked, but still—surely this has to be better than whatever he was expecting._

"Won't you cooperate with us?" Near wheedled.

 _Trying to be cute, huh?_

Then, when that didn't work, Near said: "And put your life at stake."

 _Yeah, since he's technically been doing that already—so he really shouldn't have any reason not to say anything._

But Mogi still remained silent.

So Near switched tactics again: "You've met the former L, the real L, right? Is there anybody in the current team who L suspected even in the slightest of being Kira?"

 _Damn it, Near can see his face, but I can't… he could give something away with his expression… though if he does, Near should call him out on it, so I should still get the information…_

"Even a yes or no would suffice," Near said, after a few moments of silence.

 _He must not have given anything away, then…_

The man stayed quiet.

 _Damn._

"Mello, there is a chance that this investigator is already being controlled by Kira so that he won't say anything," Near said.

 _Wait, what? So you're giving up, Near…?_

 _Oh wait—ha. I get it. Of course, you're still trying to pry the information out of him._

 _You really are good at this stuff, Near._

"Right, Near," he said, grinning. "If he doesn't say anything, I think we can assume that Kira is in the Japanese Task Force." He bit off a chunk of chocolate from the bar in his hand, still smirking. "There's no reason for him not to want to cooperate to get Kira. Even if it's not by the notebook, he's still being controlled."

 _Now Mogi_ has _to say something, if he doesn't want us to become even more suspicious—his silence is essentially an admittance that he's being controlled not to say anything, and that he knows something that could implicate the present L as Kira._

Except, Mogi still didn't say anything.

 _Looks like we have to press even harder._

Mello took another smirking bite of chocolate. "I actually had a bunch of guys test the notebook a number of ways," he admitted, "but nobody who wrote the names down died after 13 days."

 _You've no doubt already figured out the 13 Day Rule is the fake one, Near. And yes, I really did test it._

 _If what you say about the present L being Kira is true, Near, then this should definitely put pressure on them._

As expected, Near latched onto the information and ran with it: "The writer will not die even if that person does not write anything down for more than 13 days. Is there anything that strikes you as odd about this, Mogi?"

Mogi remained silent.

"Even the slightest thing will do," Near said.

Mogi _still_ didn't say anything.

 _Damn. Maybe he really_ is _being controlled…_

"All we want to do is get Kira, so there's no reason for us to lie to you," Near said. "I'm sure it is uneasy for you to have one of your members suspected of being Kira. Then it should be much easier if we talk about it and settle this problem once and for all."

 _You're good, Near._

 _If he really does know something that could implicate the present L as Kira, then he should definitely be uncomfortable about it, so he_ should _say something to that…_

But Mogi remained as silent as ever.

 _Damn. What a thug._

 _Maybe a little bit of good cop, bad cop is in order._

Mello snapped another piece of chocolate between his teeth. "We could try torturing the information out of him," he suggested.

"No," Near said, picking up on the tactic immediately. "We will never resort to such methods. We're not like Kira—we won't use pain and fear to force anyone to cooperate with us."

"Sometimes you need to fight fire with fire," Mello pressed, licking the chocolate bar. _They wouldn't believe me if I just gave up on forcing the information out of him, anyway._

"No," Near said again. "We will never lower ourselves to Kira's level. Justice and reason will definitely prevail." A pause, and then: "Won't you help us bring Kira to justice, Mogi?"

The man, rather predictably at that point, still didn't say anything.

"Maybe he actually agrees with Kira, and that's why he won't help us," Mello suggested, peeling back more of the chocolate wrapper so he could snap off another piece without getting the taste of tinfoil in his mouth.

"I don't believe that Mr. Mogi is that kind of person," Near said, and Mello almost wanted to laugh. _Near, you manipulative bastard._ "You don't believe that Kira is justice, right, Mogi-san?"

 _It really is a lot funnier when he's using these tactics on someone else._

"Mogi-san, do you believe Kira is justice?" Near asked directly. "You don't have to speak—a nod or a shake of your head will suffice."

 _At this point I'm doubting if this man will respond to anything…_

"Mogi-san, I am going to ask again," Near said. "And if you don't shake your head, I am going to have to assume that you are a Kira sympathizer. Do you believe Kira is justice, Mogi-san?"

There was a beat of silence, and then Near said: "So you don't sympathize with Kira, then."

 _Mogi must have shaken his head._

"If you don't sympathize with Kira, then you must want to catch him, right?" Near continued. "Please nod, or I will be forced to assume that you don't want to catch Kira."

Silence, and then: "So you do want to catch Kira."

 _He must have nodded._

 _You really are good at this, Near._

"We also want to catch Kira, Mogi-san," Near said. "You, me, and Mello—we all want to the same thing. So why won't you help us, Mogi-san? If you tell us what's bothering you, then we can talk it out and figuring out something that works for all of us."

 _Damn, if this Mogi guy doesn't react to any of this, then he really is either a complete simpleton or he's being controlled._

"Won't you even give us a chance, Mogi-san?" Near said. "What about this situation is bothering you? Is it that you doubt our motives? If you tell us why, I am sure we can prove to you that we're acting in all honesty."

There was no answer.

"Or is it that you have a solid reason to believe that the present L is not Kira? Because if that's the case, it would benefit us to hear it, would it not? If you have a solid reason why the present L cannot possibly be Kira, then you could help clear up what would then have been a misunderstanding on our parts, and we can turn our attention elsewhere."

No answer.

 _I wouldn't believe this guy was capable of talking, at this point, if I hadn't talked to him and heard his voice myself._

"Do you have no reasons at all, then?" Near pressed.

Predictably, Mogi didn't answer.

"I think he's afraid, Near," Mello said, licking the last of the chocolate from his teeth. _If he's as much of a thug as he seems, insinuating that he's a coward might be effective… and if the present L really is tapping his phone, and Mogi knows that L is listening in…_

"Afraid?" Near prompted. "Afraid of what—of being killed? I thought he's been prepared for that since starting to work on the Kira Case."

"He's either afraid because he does have a suspicion that the current L could be Kira, and there's a possibility that the present L is tapping his phone and is thus overhearing this conversation, and will kill him if he leaks any information…" Mello crumpled the empty chocolate wrapper in his hand. "Or else he's afraid of the possibility that the current L is Kira, because he _likes_ the current L and he doesn't want to _believe_ that he's Kira, and it would also mean that he's been duped for years."

"I see," Near said. "Mogi-san, if you're concerned about L overhearing our conversation, we can hang up on Mello. Would you like us to do that?"

 _Damn it, Near…! You…!_

 _No, it's okay—Mogi probably still won't answer, and even if he does, I can just call Hal again and then listen through her cellphone, so it's okay._

There was silence, and then Near continued: "Or, if you're afraid of admitting the possibility that you've been duped for years, don't you think the best way to save face would be to figure that out as soon as possible?"

Mogi still didn't answer, and Mello was starting to get annoyed.

He switched the cellphone to his other ear, and said, "You know, Near, I had Mogi go your place so you could get information from him that would convince me of your theory that the current L is Kira, but I think Mogi's silence is speaking louder than words. I didn't really think your theory could be correct, but now I'm practically convinced."

 _The current L probably is listening through Mogi's cellphone, so if we can aggravate him enough that he'll kill Mogi, it should be proof…_

"Yes, I agree that Mogi's silence is rather condemning," Near agreed.

 _...But if Mogi's already being controlled, then his name would have already been written in the notebook with his date of death fixed, which could be in anytime within the next 23 days…_

 _Near will probably keep him there for that long, though, so I guess we'll see. And if Mogi doesn't die within that time, and won't cooperate with us at all during that time, either, then it's even more clear that the new L has the Japanese Task Force wrapped around his finger and they're all hiding something._

 _Damn, though—I didn't think this would take that long. I don't think Mogi bought enough extra cellphone batteries to last 23 days._

* * *

Mogi had sat down in the desk chair that was offered to him, but he hadn't even nodded to affirm that he was indeed Mogi, and Near looked at him, considering.

The man's face was stony.

 _Do you not trust me because you now think I'm working with Mello? But that's a senseless sentiment._ "All Mello wants is to capture Kira, just like we do," he pointed out. "I'm sure you understand that."

Mogi said nothing, but his eyes were on Near, giving him that look that seemed to say ' _you're a freak of nature'_ (the same look his parents had given him, the same look the President of the United States had given him, the same look the SPK agents had given him originally, before he'd earned their trust and respect…).

 _Maybe he'll trust me if I seem nicer, or at least more harmless than Mello?_ Near tried widening his eyes and asking: "Won't you cooperate with us?"

(He was seventeen, but he'd been told he still looked and acted like a child—something which often made people doubt his abilities, but also sometimes made them more willing to believe he didn't have anything up his sleeve. And he'd noted a while ago that sometimes widening his eyes and asking nicely could get him what he wanted.)

Apparently that was the wrong approach for Mogi, though, because Mogi was looking at him like he'd just grown horns and a tail (like the President of the United States had looked at him when he'd said that the current L was a fake created by the Japanese Police and the real L was dead, when the President had looked over at the director of the FBI and asked, "Director Mason… who is he?" but had almost asked: "Director Mason… _what_ is he?").

Near could only conclude that Mogi was afraid for some reason, but—

 _Is Mogi afraid of being killed by Kira? But he's been on the Japanese Task Force all this time…_ "And put your life at stake," Near added. _You've been doing that already, so working with us shouldn't be any different._

Mogi, aside from staring at him like he was some kind of aberration, remained unresponsive.

 _That's no good… maybe if I try asking directly then I can get a reaction from him…_ "You've met the former L, the real L, right?" Near asked, watching him intently. "Is there anybody in the current team who L suspected even in the slightest of being Kira?"

Mogi moved his eyes away from Near to stare straight ahead, his expression becoming even more stony and unreadable.

 _I can assume that reaction to be an admittance that I've struck a nerve, and therefore a grain of truth, but it's no good if he doesn't say it aloud so that Mello—and potentially L—can hear…_ "Even a yes or no would suffice."

Mogi said nothing.

Near stared at him. _Well, his lack of answer is still an answer, at least. I'm even more certain that the present L is Kira, now._

 _But it would still be nice to get information out of him…_

 _If I can use his unwillingness to speak against him, then maybe… I'd need Mello's help to pull it off, but Mello should realize what I'm trying to do…_

"Mello," Near said, "there is a chance that this investigator is already being controlled by Kira so that he won't say anything,"

 _Your turn, Mello._

There was a pause, and then Mello said over Mogi's cellphone: "Right, Near. If he doesn't say anything, I think we can assume that Kira is in the Japanese Task Force. There's no reason for him not to want to cooperate to get Kira. Even if it's not by the notebook, he's still being controlled."

 _Impressive, Mello. You took it even farther than I was expecting._

And it was a little hard to tell over the phone, but it sounded like the smug voice Mello used when he'd figured out how to get complete control of a situation.

So even though Mogi didn't answer, Near didn't say anything, either.

 _It sounds like I can let you have control of the interrogation for a bit, Mello._

"I actually had a bunch of guys test the notebook a number of ways," Mello said, still sounding smug, "but nobody who wrote the names down died after 13 days."

Near almost smiled.

 _I figured you'd tested it, Mello—the mafia was the perfect opportunity to do so. And to admit it now that you're sure I've already figured out which rule is the fake one…_

 _Especially after I called up the Japanese Task Force about it and offered to test the rule for them, this is sure to put pressure on Mogi…_

"The writer will not die even if that person does not write anything down for more than 13 days," Near repeated, looking over at the Japanese man. "Is there anything that strikes you as odd about this, Mogi?"

Mogi remained silent, but the fluorescent lights reflected starkly off the sheen of sweat on his face.

"Even the slightest thing will do," Near pressed. _You're obviously uncomfortable about this revelation… why won't you tell us? Do you not trust us?_ "All we want to do is get Kira, so there's no reason for us to lie to you. I'm sure it is uneasy for you to have one of your members suspected of being Kira. Then it should be much easier if we talk about it and settle this problem once and for all."

 _If he believes that the new L is Kira, then he should want to tell us… so he must not…. But if he doesn't want to believe that the new L is Kira, then he should want to defend him, so this should…_

Mogi's only reaction was to clench his eyes shut.

… _Unless he actually_ is _being controlled? If it's the case, then we probably won't be able to get any information of him…. But that would be tantamount to the new L admitting that he's Kira…_

 _So if Mogi isn't being controlled by the notebook, then why won't he say anything? I can't figure him out…_

 _Damn it, this is more Mello's area than mine…_

"…We could try torturing the information out of him," Mello suggested.

"No," Near said immediately, firmly. "We will never resort to such methods." Near gave the model airplane a push, watching it roll away from him and then tumble off the edge of the railway in an event that, full-sized, would definitely have killed all the passengers. "We're not like Kira—we won't use pain and fear to force anyone to cooperate with us."

 _It's unlikely, even if we did try to torture the information out of Mogi, that he would talk—and if we did torture him, it would completely eradicate any chance we might have of getting anyone else from the Task Force to work with us. We have to show that we're trustworthy—we have to prove that we're the good guys here._

"Sometimes you need to fight fire with fire," Mello insisted, and now Near could detect a note of smugness in his voice.

 _Why are you even suggesting that, Mello? You know we can't—_

 _Oh._

 _I see. You're playing the devil's advocate so we can strengthen our position… and if they don't trust you, then this might make them trust me enough to still work with us, which would benefit us both._

 _That's clever, Mello._

"No," Near said again. He reached out to pick up the model airplane, setting about fixing the wing that had snapped off. "We will never lower ourselves to Kira's level. Justice and reason will definitely prevail."

 _That should be convincing, I think._

Near set the fixed plane back on the runway, turning to look at Mogi again. "Won't you help us bring Kira to justice, Mogi?"

Mogi remained stony and silent, perfectly still without a single tell.

Near looked down, reaching up to twirl his hair around his fingers. _This man won't listen to reason… has Kira really blinded him so much?_

Near tugged on his hair. _This is disgusting._

"Maybe he actually agrees with Kira, and that's why he won't help us," Mello said.

Near moved his head slightly, just enough to watch Mogi through his bangs

The man sat there resolutely with his eyes clenched shut, his jaw clenched, taking slow breaths in and out through his nose, beads of sweat glistening a bright white under the fluorescent lights.

Near let go of the lock of hair he'd been tugging on. "I don't believe that Mr. Mogi is that kind of person," he said, keeping his gaze on the Mogi _. Any kind of tell at all…_ "You don't believe that Kira is justice, right, Mogi-san?"

Mogi still didn't look like he was going to say anything anytime soon.

 _Maybe if I ask him directly…_

"Mogi-san, do you believe Kira is justice? You don't have to speak—a nod or a shake of your head will suffice."

The man remained almost perfectly still—though Near thought he might have seen the man's hands tense slightly. But he still wasn't answering.

 _At this point it looks like I don't have a choice but to force him to answer._

"Mogi-san, I am going to ask again," Near stated. "And if you don't shake your head, I am going to have to assume that you are a Kira sympathizer." He kept his eyes on Mogi, reaching up to twirl his hair, the fibers soft and smooth, tickling at his scalp and the pads of his fingers. "Do you believe Kira is justice, Mogi-san?"

He watched the man intently, and slowly, after several moments, Mogi shook his head slightly. It was barely a movement, but it was enough.

"So you don't sympathize with Kira, then," Near said, letting go of his hair and lowering his hand. "If you don't sympathize with Kira, then you must want to catch him, right? Please nod, or I will be forced to assume that you don't want to catch Kira."

After several moments Mogi nodded very slightly, his eyes still clenched shut and his jaw still tight.

"So you do want to catch Kira," Near said. "We also want to catch Kira, Mogi-san. You, me, and Mello—we all want to the same thing. So why won't you help us, Mogi-san?"

 _I really dislike having to repeat myself like this. He's not being reasonable…_

"If you tell us what's bothering you, then we can talk it out and figuring out something that works for all of us."

Mogi kept his eyes and mouth clenched shut, and Near felt irritation start to overtake him, and reached up to start curling his hair around his fingers again, willing the emotion back down.

 _Irritation serves no purpose, and will only embitter the situation,_ he told himself. _I need to address this calmly and reasonably._

"Won't you even give us a chance, Mogi-san? What about this situation is bothering you?" He waited a beat, and then guessed: "Is it that you doubt our motives? If you tell us why, I am sure we can prove to you that we're acting in all honesty."

 _We have far more motivation to solve this case than you do, you know… you should know that just from the fact that we're L's successors…_

Mogi still didn't seem like he was going to answer, though.

The speed at which Near was twirling his hair increased. _How can you possibly think it's okay to hide someone who could possibly be Kira? How do you justify that to yourself?_

 _But if it's emotions, then maybe…_

He tried offering diplomatically: "Or is it that you have a solid reason to believe that the present L is not Kira? Because if that's the case it would benefit us to hear it, would it not? If you have a solid reason why the present L cannot possibly be Kira, then you could help clear up what would then have been a misunderstanding on our parts, we can turn our attention elsewhere."

 _That's reasonable, right?_

Mogi still refused to answer, though, so Near prodded: "Do you have no reasons at all, then?"

Mogi remained silent, eyes still clenched shut and lips firmly pressed together, and Near curled his fingers around his hair and tugged.

 _Why won't this work? What am I doing wrong? Mello expects me to get the information out of him, but I can't… it's not working…_

"I think he's afraid, Near," Mello said, and Near stopped tugging.

"Afraid?" he asked, not certain he understood. "Afraid of what—of being killed? I thought he's been prepared for that since starting to work on the Kira Case."

"He's either afraid because he does have a suspicion that the current L could be Kira, and there's a possibility that the present L is tapping his phone and is thus overhearing this conversation, and will kill him if he leaks any information…" Mello still sounded smug and in-control.

 _How do you do it, Mello…?_

"Or else he's afraid of the possibility that the current L is Kira, because he _likes_ the current L and he doesn't want to _believe_ that he's Kira, and it would also mean that he's been duped for years," Mello said.

 _Mello, are you offering those suggestions as issues for me to resolve to get him to talk, or are you trying to make him feel ashamed of being afraid? If I don't know which one you're aiming for, I can't… but if I hesitate now, then…_

"I see," Near said, even though he didn't.

 _I have to respond in a way that should work for either… it's still unlikely he'll react, but it's worth a try…_

He twirled his hair slowly around his fingers. "Mogi-san, if you're concerned about L overhearing our conversation, we can hang up on Mello." He watched Mogi's face. "Would you like us to do that?"

The only movement from Mogi was the drops of glistening sweat sliding down his face—not even his grip around the phone Mello was listening through moved, remaining in a careful but light hold.

 _He's been trained well… if he has any tells, I can't see them… I'm not sure if continuing to question him will actually be fruitful, at this point, but I might as well…_

 _Mello's given me this chance… I have to…_

"Or, if you're afraid of admitting the possibility that you've been duped for years, don't you think the best way to save face would be to figure that out as soon as possible?"

 _But for some reason people never seem to want to admit that they're wrong, even if admitting that you're wrong is the only way to become right… the more you deny being wrong, the more wrong you are… why do people insist on being wrong?_

Near watched Mogi and echoed the man's silence.

 _Maybe if we stop talking for a while, and let him think it over…?_

"You know, Near," came Mello's voice through Mogi's phone, "I had Mogi go your place so you could get information from him that would convince me of your theory that the current L is Kira, but I think Mogi's silence is speaking louder than words. I didn't really think your theory could be correct, but now I'm practically convinced."

"Yes, I agree that Mogi's silence is rather condemning," Near agreed.

 _Do you actually believe my theory now, Mello, or are you just saying that to try to get Mogi to say something?_

 _We can keep trying to get Mogi to talk, but it doesn't seem like we'll get any information out of him… but if I've managed to convince Mello that the present L is Kira, then at least I've still accomplished something._

 _And, assuming that L does know that Mogi is here and has indeed been listening to this conversation, things might get interesting…_

* * *

Light listened to Near and Mello interrogate Mogi and didn't even bother to keep himself from clenching his teeth.

(The only person with him was Matsuda, who trusted him completely, and it was a perfectly understandable reaction to him to be angry when he was listening to one of his agents being interrogated by people who were convinced he was Kira.)

 _Mogi, this is a trap_. _Near is connected to Mello, so he shouldn't be trusted. This is a trap to frame the Task Force. That's what you need to think._

Luckily Mogi wasn't talking, and it was highly unlikely that he would—but Near and Mello sure were being persistent.

 _They're as tenacious as L…_

 _Damn it. Even if Mogi can keep his mouth shut, Aizawa and Ide are listening to this conversation, and it's going to affect them… Do I have no choice but to kill them…? But if I kill them now, then L is Kira._

 _But if Near and Mello don't find out that L is Light Yagami…_

 _No, I can't kill Near yet anyway. Just three more days and…_

* * *

It had been dark out for hours, but Near and Mello were still awake.

Near sat on the ground with a deck of playing cards, shuffling them, laying them out organized by suit and number, then gathering them up and shuffling them again, then laying them out organized by suit and number again. And again. And again.

Mogi's cellphone was on the ground beside him, still on. The batteries had already been replaced twice. Between the first time they were replaced and the second time they were replaced, Mello and Near had barely spoken.

"Near," came Mello's voice through the phone, after a long while.

Near gathered up the cards and started shuffling them again. "Yes, Mello?"

"Is Mogi still awake?"

Near glanced over at the Japanese man. He was slumped in the desk chair they'd provided him, his eyes closed in a relaxed manner.

"No," Near said, the cards making a soft snapping sound between his hands.

"And the others?"

"Lidner and Gevanni are resting. Commander Rester is currently keeping watch."

In the hotel room, Mello was sitting with his back against the brick wall, his legs slightly pulled up and arms resting over his knees, phone held lightly in one hand, turned on to speakerphone.

He stared distantly at the far wall of the dark room, listening to the flip of cards through the phone and the sounds of cars and the city on the other side of the windowpane above and to the right of him.

"Seven hours of interrogation, and the guy still wouldn't talk," he said.

"Yes," Near agreed, his voice as emotionless as ever. "I am sorry I wasn't able to do what you asked."

"No," Mello said, letting his head fall back against the wall. "The present L is Kira. Mogi's refusal to speak made that clear enough."

"But we don't have any further information," Near said. "And we haven't found a way of getting proof."

"I'll get you proof," Mello said, staring up at the dark ceiling. There was a dubious stain up there, but it was hard to make out at night. "I'm going to bring you Kira's head, Near. I told you: I'll get him myself."

Near was silent for several moments. He sorted through the deck of cards in his hand, found the ace of spades, and placed it down, saying finally: "It would be better if you could bring him in with his body still attached."

Mello snorted slightly. "You haven't changed, Near."

"You have."

Mello closed his eyes. "I'm going to keep the Death Note, you know," he said.

Near's eyes were wide-open. "You don't know my real name, Mello," he replied, a lock of his hair curled tightly around his fingers.

"No," Mello agreed easily, "I don't."

They both fell silent, after that; Mello did not think about whether or not he'd write Near's name down in the Death Note, if he had the opportunity to do so, and Near did not ask.

Their silence stretched on.

* * *

It was their third day of interrogating Mogi when the ruckus started outside, and Mello glanced out the window to see a mob congregating around the SPK building and waving Kira banners, two helicopters circling overhead.

"Pull up Sakura TV," he heard Near say.

 _Kira's doing… this cinches it. The present L is definitely Kira. The timing is too perfect. He might as well just come out and say "I'm Kira." So why would he…?_

"Near, if we stay here, we're going to be dragged out," came Hal's voice distantly through the cellphone in Mello's hand.

"We've got no choice but to bring in our men and…" That was the Anthony guy's voice.

 _If they're dragged in front of the cameras, they'll be killed by Kira… does Kira/L think that if he can kill Near and the rest of the SPK members that he'll be safe or something?_

 _Kira/L really is an idiot. Near would never be killed in that way. He undoubtedly already has a plan to get out of that situation._

 _And besides, even if Near_ was _somehow killed, that wouldn't make you safe, Kira—there'd still be me._

There was a beep from the SPK monitors, just barely audible over the phone.

/What's the problem, Near?/ came the current L's scrambled voice. /I knew that Mello sent our investigator Mogi to your place, and we asked him to remain silent while we listened to what you had to say, in order to figure out if you were worthy of our trust and cooperation. But if this continues on, Mogi will be…/

Mello grit his teeth. _That's complete bullshit, Kira. 'Figure out if you were worthy of our trust and cooperation' my ass. Anyone in your position who wasn't Kira would have trusted and cooperated with us._

/Is this a plan by Mello to get rid of the SPK?/ Kira taunted, and it took all of Mello's self-control not to snap the cellphone in half. _I would never do something like this…!_ /Or was the SPK so poorly organized that even the public was able to find out where your hideout was?/

 _Fuck you, Kira. Fuck you._

Mello clenched his teeth, glaring out the window at the crowd of driveling idiots surrounding the SPK building, several of which had lit a large fire in front of the doors. The hatred surged in his chest, black and oily, like a single spark would set it alight and consume him.

/Near, you must escape./

"Look who's talking, Kira," Near said, echoing Mello's thoughts exactly.

/Wh-what…?/ Kira stammered. /Are you still going on about that?! If you don't do something, Mogi's going to be killed too! You must escape…/

 _Kira can't possibly think such a crap act would convince us. It must all be an act for the Japanese Task Force—in which case, they're really all idiots._

 _Damn it! I should've killed everyone on the Japanese Task Force when I had the chance…!_

"All this happened right after Mr. Mogi showed up," Near was pointing out to Kira, sounding ridiculously calm despite the fact that the building he was in was currently under siege by a hoard of _stupid fucking Kira worshipers._ "There are only a handful of people who could have known that he was coming here. There are other organizations in other countries that are also trying to capture Kira, so I find it hard to believe that this is a mere coincidence. You are Kira."

 _Obviously, yeah._

"You did it with the hopes of killing all the SPK members and Mogi," Near continued. "And once we all die, you're going to kill everybody else on the Japanese Task Force. That's your plan."

 _Way to call him out on it, Near. If the other members of the Japanese Task Force aren't convinced that L is Kira after all this then, god, they're utterly fucking hopeless… Kira must have them eating out of the palm of his hand._

/Wh-what, stop joking, Near, you're making a mistake and assuming it's correct!/

Mello had never wanted to shoot someone so much in his entire life.

 _I am going to kill you, Kira. You're going to die by my hands._

It wasn't even about being Number One any more—Kira needed to die. It was as simple as that.

"Everyone on the Japanese Task Force, Kira is among you, at the very least," Near was saying. "Please think about that."

The mob outside the SPK building was getting even rowdier, the helicopters swooping lower and broadcasting instructions that Mello couldn't make out through the brick wall and closed window of the hotel room.

He could make out Anthony's voice over the phone, though, as the man said: "Near, we've got to do something fast…"

So of course, Near decided to take that moment to start waxing poetic about mob psychology.

"Such foolish people." Near's voice was as unemotional as ever. "I am not surprised that some people support Kira. But those people hope that Kira will bring justice to an evil world… the people who are storming this building are a completely different type… a far more hopeless kind."

 _Nobody cares, Near! Get out of there already, damn it! If you're killed by Kira because I sent Mogi over to your headquarters then I won't be able to rub your face in your defeat when I catch Kira—I won't have won fairly!_

 _I can't be Number One just because you died, Near!_

But Near, of course, continued on: "They either end up as killers, acting completely opposite from Kira's true values because they worship so blindly. Or they are the 'if you can't beat them, join them' type, who followed the worshipers here. Or they are idiots who just want to rampage and enjoy themselves. And quite a few of them are actually against Kira…"

Anthony clearly echoed Mello's thoughts, though he phrased it in a gentler manner: "Near… this isn't the time to analyze the people down there."

"On the contrary," Near said.

 _Oh, here we go,_ Mello thought bitterly. _He's still playing the supercilious know-it-all, just like he did at Wammy's House._

So of course, Near continued: "Originally, Kira supporters were observers who didn't want to be hurt themselves… the ones rampaging down there are egocentric people who just want to enjoy themselves, right?"

The Anthony guy stammered out: "Y-yes, but…"

"Then we'll use that to our advantage by using L's fortune and all the anti-Kira people we hired," Near said.

 _...So that's your plan for getting out, huh? I knew you must have one, but this one sure sounds stupid._

Anthony also sounded dubious: "B-but that plan is just a stopgap measure…"

"Let's do it," Near said emotionlessly. "We should be prepared. It's going to be fun."

 _The fuck are you up to, Near?_

A few minutes later, money started falling from one of the SPK building's higher windows, countless number of green U.S. dollar bills fluttering towards the ground, causing an immediate chaos as the members of the mob scrambled over each other to gather up as much as they could.

 _Throwing money out the window, huh? That's sure a creative way of using L's inheritance… Somehow I don't think anybody but you would've thought of such a childish strategy… It's tantamount to that "Oh, look over there!" trick._

The mob was in an uproar, scrambling over each other for the money, turning against each other and completely forgetting about trying to get into the SPK building.

 _It's a stupid strategy—but the pathetic part is that it really appears to be working._

 _(And most people probably wouldn't have been able to think of a way to get out of this situation at all…)_

"Mello, we're going to escape now," came Near's voice, "so I'm going to turn of Mr. Mogi's cellphone."

There was a beep as the call was ended, and then Mello was left in the relative silence of the hotel room, watching the money flutter down out outside the window.

He glanced away from the hoard of idiotic Kira worshipers, looking down at the phone he still held in his hand.

 _Well, Near's getting out of here in this mess,_ he thought, and tucked his phone away in his pocket. _This is my best chance, too._

* * *

It was their third day of interrogating Mogi when the helicopters arrived, bringing an angry mob with them, and Near eyed the scene, thought _Kira,_ and said "Pull up Sakura TV."

Gevanni's fingers tapped quickly across the computer keys, and then the monitors all along the wall were filled with the footage of the mob surrounding the SPK building and Demegawa in his helicopter with a microphone in his hand.

" _I, Demegawa, have finally discovered the hideout of the evil syndicate that plots to capture our god, Kira!"_ Kira's spokesperson from Japan's Sakura TV was declaring from within his helicopter. _"I have surrounded them along with our comrades! I have just received information that the remaining members of the SPK, who have secretly been active, are hiding in this building!"_

The mob was roaring, brandishing their iron crowbars, their flaming alcohol bottles, their throwing stones, waving their black Kira banners and wearing their black Kira armbands like they were Nazi insignia.

" _Behold the power of the people!"_ Demegawa cried. _"The power of justice!"_

The mob was roaring.

" _Come out!"_

" _Break the door down!"_

"Near," that was Lidner, "if we stay here, we're going to be dragged out."

"We've got no choice but to bring in our men and…" Commander Rester.

Near's narrowed eyes were fixed to the screens, his hand carefully curled over one of his mecha robots.

 _Kira… the timing of this proves that Kira really is in the Japanese Task Force… but if we all die, then there'll be nobody to talk about it… so that's what Kira's aim is…_

 _Beep._

The news footage was replaced with images of a black Cloister Black L on a white background.

 _L…!_ Near reached over and took his headset, placing it over his ears and flipping down the mic, pressing the button to accept the call.

/What's the problem, Near?/ L said immediately. /I knew that Mello sent our investigator Mogi to your place, and we asked him to remain silent while we listened to what you had to say, in order to figure out if you were worthy of our trust and cooperation. But if this continues on, Mogi will be… Is this a plan by Mello to get rid of the SPK? Or was the SPK so poorly organized that even the public was able to find out where your hideout was?/

Near's hand clenched, the mecha robot's head shattering between his fingers. _Damn it, he's lying through his teeth…_

Gevanni pulled up the news footage again so that L's symbol wasn't monopolizing the screen.

" _My comrades, fellow supporters of Kira!"_ Demegawa was announcing. _"Don't rush into the building all at once! The rebels might try to escape by mingling with the crowd! As Kira's spokesperson, I order you to slowly but surely hunt them down, so that we can get them on camera and offer them up to Kira!"_

/Near, you must escape,/ came L's scrambled voice.

Near looked down at the broken robot in his hands. _Time for a direct confrontational approach, it seems._

"Look who's talking, Kira," he said.

/Wh-what…? Are you still going on about that? If you don't do something, Mogi's going to be killed too! You must escape…/

 _You know I'm right, Kira, and you know I know you're acting. Which means that the real battle here—who we're trying to convince—is the Japanese Task Force._

 _(And Mello—but Mello can figure this all out for himself. He doesn't need me to spell it out for him.)_

"All this happened right after Mr. Mogi showed up," Near pointed out. "There are only a handful of people who could have known that he was coming here. There are other organizations in other countries that are also trying to capture Kira, so I find it hard to believe that this is a mere coincidence. You are Kira."

 _Whoever can't figure that out is worse than preschooler._

 _And Kira must know how obvious he's being, which means:_ "You did it with the hopes of killing all the SPK members and Mogi. And once we all die, you're going to kill everybody else on the Japanese Task Force. That's your plan."

 _You wouldn't risk keeping them alive after letting your cover slip so much. And you wouldn't have any need for keeping them alive at that point, anyway._

 _The only question is why you're even waiting to kill them until after you kill me… you could kill them first and then operate more freely, so why aren't you?_

… _Unless everyone on the Japanese Task Force is knowingly working for Kira…? It would explain why Mogi won't speak… But if that's the case, why keep up the Task Force charade in the first place? It wouldn't make any sense…_

 _Kira has to be duping the rest of the Task Force…_

/Wh-what, stop joking, Near, you're making a mistake and assuming it's correct!/

 _No, you're taking an absolute truth and insisting it's false. You might as well be trying to convince me that gravity doesn't work._

"Everyone on the Japanese Task Force, Kira is among you, at the very least," Near said. _Someone_ has _to be suspicious after this._ "Please think about that."

Near pressed the button to end the call.

 _Beep._

 _Kira trying to drag us out and kill us like this may actually prove to be the what it takes to get a member of the Japanese Task Force to cooperate with us._

On Sakura TV, Demegawa was ordering: _"The first group—break through the door and enter! The second group will wait to enter until 20 people from the first group are in!"_

The mob and the fire they'd started outside of the SPK doors were both roaring.

Rather than following Demegawa's orders, the members of the mob were turning on each other.

" _Yo, we're the first group."_

" _What?! We're going in first!"_

"Near," that was Commander Rester, "we've got to do something fast…"

Near paused from lining up his mecha robots, glancing up at the footage on the monitors, feeling a swell of disgust. "Such foolish people."

 _Oh well. We can use that to our advantage. That stopgap measure we prepared will definitely work._

If he suggested they do it without giving any explanation, though, he'd probably meet some resistance, so he elaborated on his analysis: "I am not surprised that some people support Kira. But those people hope that Kira will bring justice to an evil world… the people who are storming this building are a completely different type… a far more hopeless kind."

 _And it looks like we have no reason to rush…_

Instead of using their baseball bats and iron crowbars to break down the SPK doors, the members of the mob were hitting each other with them, pushing and shoving, kicking each other to the ground.

"They either end up as killers," Near said as he watched the footage, "acting completely opposite from Kira's true values because they worship so blindly. Or they are the 'if you can't beat them, join them' type, who followed the worshipers here."

He watched as more and more members of the mob jointed the brawl, even those who weren't anywhere near the SPK doors.

"Or they are idiots who just want to rampage and enjoy themselves," Near added. He spotted someone taking advantage of the chaos to pickpocket. "And quite a few of them are actually against Kira…"

 _Anyone involved in any kind of criminal or illegal activity would be against Kira, and there are definitely people in that crowd who are criminals…_

"Near…" that was Commander Rester. "This isn't the time to analyze the people down there."

"On the contrary," Near said. _You wouldn't follow my instructions if I didn't explain my reasoning first, and we'd end up wasting even more time arguing._ "Originally, Kira supporters were observers who didn't want to be hurt themselves… the ones rampaging down there are egocentric people who just want to enjoy themselves, right?"

"Y-yes, but…" Commander Rester.

"Then we'll use that to our advantage by using L's fortune and all the anti-Kira people we hired," Near said. _None of you thought much of that plan when I first suggested we prepare it, but now you should see that it should work…_

"B-but that plan is just a stopgap measure…" Commander Rester.

 _Good—if that's his only protest, then it's fine. I don't have to deal with any more sentiments like "Do you really think throwing money out the window is going to work?" or "Are you sure it's okay to use L's money like that?" as if money is more important than our lives, or as if they could actually think of something better—I just have to act confident._

"Let's do it," Near said. "We should be prepared."

And then, because it had always seemed to be effective whenever Mello had said it (convincing Matt or one of the other Wammy's kids to go along with his plans), Near added: "It's going to be fun."

 _Speaking of Mello…_

Once the money started falling and Near had ascertained from the footage that the plan was indeed working, and the members of the mob were suitably distracted, Near said: "Mello, we're going to escape now, so I'm going to turn of Mr. Mogi's cellphone."

There was a _beep_ as Gevanni obligingly turned the device off.

 _It was good working with you, Mello…_

Near stood up, beginning to gather his mecha robots into his arms.

 _I hope we'll get the chance to do so again._

* * *

Light stared with widened eyes at the footage of dollar bills fluttering down into the mob of Kira supporters and didn't even have to keep himself from clenching his teeth, his lips parted and jaw dropped slightly in incredulity.

 _Damn it! Near's using money to divert the people's attention… and he's going to try and escape in the chaos1 But as long as Demegawa keeps doing his job…_

"P-pilot, fly over to that floor where all the money's coming from!" Demegawa shouted, pointing frantically at the flurry of money.

 _Demegawa! What are you doing? You have to lead the mob! I can't afford to let them get away!_

"Wow, I'm going too…" Matsuda said beside him. "Oh, but I'm in L.A., and that's in New York. Shoot…"

Light ignored him.

'Humans are great…' Ryuk cackled. 'But then again, I can understand because you can buy apples with that money….'

Light ignored him, too.

 _There're too many people…_ Light thought frantically. He forced himself to calm down. _No, if I can locate Mogi around the entrance using Aizawa and Ide's camera, then I can have them follow him, and…_

His eyes widened further as the riot squad showed up, their faces hidden by masks, and Light felt a jolt of alarm as he realized Near's plan.

 _I-I never expected this from them… they're going to be disguised as members of the riot squad…_ his fists clenched, his panic mounting. _It will be tantamount to confessing that I'm Kira if I order Aizawa and Ide to capture every policeman they see… Misa doesn't have the brains to give orders to have the mob stop the police. And even if she did, Demegawa is too distracted by the money…_

"Aizawa, Ide," he said, "I suspect that Mogi and the others will be dressed up as policemen to escape from the building. I'll lose Mogi's whereabouts if they do." _That's the most I can say for the timebeing…_ "I want you to keep an eye on the policemen, especially those who seem to be moving away from the building, and follow them…"

"L, that's impossible," ide replied over the intercom. "There are 50… no, closer to 100 policemen. It'll be impossible for only two of us to keep an eye on all of them…"

Aizawa, rather uncharacteristically, didn't say anything.

"B-but at least Mogi won't be killed by Kira now," Ide added. "We should at least be satisfied with that…"

"Yes…" Light said, and carefully did not clench his teeth. "As long as Mogi's safe…"

 _Damn…!_

"It looks like there's about 10 million dollars…" Matsuda said, still watching the money falling from the skyscraper in wonderment.

Light ignored him.

'How many apples will that buy?' Ryuk asked.

Light ignored him, too.

Members of the riot squad were moving away from the building, but it was impossible to tell if any of them were Near and the other SPK members, as all of their faces were hidden. And it was actually highly likely that at least some of them were real riot squad members, as they seemed to be escorting some of the Kira supporters they'd managed to subdue and arrest.

Light clenched his fists, and finally gave up on not clenching his teeth.

 _Damn it, Near, what the hell kind of strategy was that?! That wasn't at all what L would have done…!_

* * *

Near began gathering his mecha robots up into his arms.

"Commander Rester," he said as he picked up the toys one by one, "get everyone in their riot squad gear, and tell them that they will receive rewards far greater than those they see right now… it will be better to have some of them completely blinded by the reward… please tell them that."

"Okay," Commander Rester said.

Near straightened, hugging the three mecha robots to his chest and looking up through his hair, observing the footage of the chaos outside the building.

 _In order to get out through the mob without raising suspicion, we'll have to…_

"Commander Rester.," he said, "Wammy's House provided the Japanese Task Force with a sketch of me. Assuming that L is Kira, you are the only member of the SPK whose face is unknown to them. Therefore, in order to make it look as natural as possible and take Mr. Mogi with us, I must ask you to dress up as one of the Kira supporters. We will then have Mogi dressed up in riot squad gear with you handcuffed to his wrist to make it look like we're squad members leaving the scene in order to escort a rioter into custody."

"O-okay…" Commander Rester said, and obligingly removed his black tie from his neck, taking a dispenser of liquid white-out from the desk and writing 'Kira' several times along the tie before tying it around his left arm.

Gevanni and Lidner started dressing up in riot squad gear. Mogi donned the riot squad gear without complaint or any form of physical resistance, his face as stoic as ever.

Near started trying to put on the riot squad gear, as well. But while the black under-suit wasn't difficult, he found himself at a loss with all the protection plates until Commander Rester came over to help him. (There were Upper Body Protection plates, Shoulder Protection plates, Forearm Protection plates, Thigh Protection Plates, Groin Protection plates, Knee Guard Protection plates, Shin Guard Protection plates—items that Near didn't know how to navigate, having spent most of his life wearing pajamas and other loose, comfortable clothing that neither obstructed his movement nor irritated his skin.)

Mogi didn't resist when Commander Rester handcuffed their wrists together.

 _This gear is uncomfortable,_ Near thought, but what he said was: "Let's go. We'll have no problems walking straight out through the front entrance now. We can sneak Mr. Mogi's cellphone into someone's pocket outside."

Then he placed the riot control helmet over his head and flipped down the tinted visor and stood up from where he'd been crouched on the ground.

 _This one's your loss, Kira._

* * *

It was indeed unfortunate that his plan to take out Near and the SPK had failed, but within thirty minutes after the mob dispersed Light was calm again.

 _The way that Near got out of that…_ he mused; _actually, it's probably exactly what L would have done. His plan to fake Matsuda's death was equally childish, and also equally effective. And dressing up as riot squad members and escaping while the mob was in chaos was probably the only way Near could have gotten out of that situation, anyway._

 _And on top of that, he already assumes I'm Kira…_

Light exhaled and leaned back in his desk-chair. _I have to admit it: Near's a formidable foe. It looks like I'll have to start taking him seriously._

 _It's almost like going up against L again…_

The corner of his lips curved upwards.

 _All the better for me that you're so similar to him, Near—I already know how L would go about things, so your movements from now on are going to be easy for me predict._

Matsuda was asleep and wouldn't see anything, so Light let himself smirk victoriously.

 _It's going to take effort, certainly, and I'll have to be careful, but I'm definitely going to win this battle of wits, Near._

He didn't think at all about Mello.

* * *

 **TBC.**

* * *

 **AN:** If you have any questions, please first refer to the author notes (Chapter 6) to see if your confusion/concern/matter of curiosity is addressed there.


	4. L's heir

**AN:** This first scene is taken from the anime, as I'm sure you'll all recognize. I took it because I liked it. All other events are still based entirely on the manga, though.

I do stray from canon a little bit in this chapter, though - not in terms of events, but in terms of Mello and Near's thoughts about what's going on. You'll see. Explanations for why I did this are included in the author notes (Chapter 6)

* * *

 **L's heir**

* * *

The rain was pouring down, trickling cold and wet down L's skin, plastering his clothes to his body and sticking his hair to his face.

Light Yagami had walked out into the rain to speak with him.

"What are you doing, Ryuzaki?"

 _I figured you'd find me, Kira… it's rather loud out here, don't you think?_

The sky was dark and gray, the surface of the roof rippling with raindrops and puddles. "Well, I'm not doing anything in particular, but…" In the distance he could hear the eerie ambience of bells, barely audible over the cacophony of rain. It was distracting. "The sound of the bells…"

"Bells?" There was honest confusion in Kira's voice.

"Yes." The rain was cold and wet, the raindrops tapping out a chilling sonata on his skin. "The bells have been really noisy throughout the day…"

Kira was quiet for several moments, and then said guilelessly: "I don't hear anything."

"Really?" L looked over at him. "They've been ringing all day, and… I can't help but feel curious…"

Kira looked uncharacteristically disheveled in the rain, soggy and dripping, a hand raised in a vain attempt to keep the water out of his eyes, his clothes and hair already limp and saturated, sticking to his skin.

L looked away again, staring into the gray distance. "Do you suppose it's a church…? A wedding? Or perhaps…"

"What are you talking about, Ryuzaki?" Kira cut him off before he could suggest that it was a funeral. "Don't say such silly things. Let's go back."

"I'm sorry." L knew the chiming was all in his head; there were no such Gothic bells in Tokyo.

He looked down at the silver ripples at his feet, hunching his shoulders, raindrops streaming down his face, dripping from his hair, his nose, his chin. "Everything I say is complete nonsense, so… please, don't believe any of it."

"…Huh?"

L could feel Kira staring at him, studying him.

Then Kira chuckled, his voice becoming contrived and self-satisfied: "That's right, Ryuzaki. Most of what you say is nonsense. There would be no end if I took you seriously all the time." His words and meaning were mocking, but he concealed them with a tone of amusement. "I know that the best."

"Yes, that's right, Light-kun." The rain was falling in sheets. "But…." _You would know the best, because:_ "It's true for both of us."

"What do you mean?" Kira's voice was careful.

L looked over at him, smiling knowingly. "Have you ever told the truth at any point since you were born?"

Kira's eyes widened ever so slightly.

L stared at him, nothing but a silver sheet of rain between them. _Look, I know you know I know you're Kira. So why are you still hiding it?_

 _You could tell me that you're Kira, right here, and it wouldn't be proof that I could pin you with. It wouldn't mean anything; just a statement of the obvious, drowned in the rain. Nobody else would ever know a thing._

 _So why do you still lie?_

Kira's eyelids lowered ever so slightly. "What are you talking about, Ryuzaki? It's true, I lie once in a while. But how many people live their entire lives only telling the truth? Humans aren't made perfectly. Everyone lies. Even so, I've been careful not to tell lies that hurt others." _Because I have to, L. I know you know that._ "That's my answer."

It was a perfect answer, carefully crafted for a nonexistent audience.

L looked down at the endless, repeating ripples on the surface of the puddle at his feet, distorting his reflection. "I thought you'd say that…"

It was as good of an admission as he'd get, L supposed.

Even when they were alone they were both acting—they had to.

L, Kira—their names, their roles, were so much bigger than themselves. Kira had masses living in worship and fear of him, believing him to be some kind of vengeful god, while L had all the police forces of the world at his beck and call, and two successors waiting to replace him, like he was some kind of king, so he wouldn't die even when he was dead.

Neither of them could afford to be human.

(And yet they were both cold and drenched by the time they finally went back inside; shivering, pathetic, and painfully mortal.)

* * *

It was utter chaos outside when Mello left.

The riot squad and the rioters were embroiled in conflict, people were shouting in anger and screaming in pain, a motorcycle had been caught on fire and was creating a pillar of flames and smoke, and it was the perfect opportunity for Mello to leave.

Even if L had had other members of the Japanese Task Force tail Mogi to try to find him, there was no way they'd spot him amongst the hoard of people outside. And if they were looking for anyone, they'd be looking for Near, not him.

He figured, also, that he might as well grab all the cash he could while he was at it, since he was running low.

The idea of going out there and grabbing money from the ground like all the greedy fools out there bothered him, but since it was L's inheritance, he figured that some of it rightfully belonged to him, anyway.

So he slipped outside, stuffed his shoulder bag with cash, and then hightailed it out of there before he could get mixed up with either the rioters or the enforcers, planning his next steps as he went.

He would still be able to get information about what Near was up to from Hal, but if Kira had enough power to control mobs of people then there was no way Mello would be able to catch Kira himself.

He needed help. But he couldn't work with Near, and the mafia was gone, and he hadn't kept in contact with anyone from Wammy's House, and even if he had, the only one who might help him was…

 _Damn it. I have no choice…_

He had to find Matt.

Even though Matt had never wanted to be L, and probably didn't care at all about catching Kira, he was probably bored enough by life that he'd do anything that promised a bit of excitement.

And if nothing else, Mello now had money to pay him with.

Part of L's inheritance probably rightfully belonged to Matt as well, anyway.

* * *

Since Mogi still wouldn't talk, Near had to get one of the other Japanese Task Force members onto his side (which of course was only possible because he already had Mogi with him, thanks to Mello).

It went even better than he'd expected, though, and the man—Aizawa—gave him some very useful information.

The part about the Shinigami, and the Shinigami Eye that the holder of the notebook can get by paying half of their remaining lifespan, for one. It was the first time he'd heard about it, and it was very useful, since it solved the problem of why the Second Kira and Higuchi had been able to kill just by seeing someone's face when Kira couldn't.

The fact that Kira hadn't made the Eye Deal suggested that he wasn't the kind of person to halve his lifespan like that—he had a long term goal. That, and he was intelligent enough that he doesn't need to, since he could figure out other ways or get someone else to make the deal for him. It also meant that Near didn't have to worry about the other Task Force members having the Shinigami Eye, since only the holder of the notebook could make the deal.

And also, even more valuable, Aizawa had let it slip that the person the original L had suspected of being Kira was related to Soichiro Yagami, and from there it wasn't difficult to figure out that the present L was Light Yagami, and therefore Kira was Light Yagami. So he'd sent Commander Rester to Japan to investigate him.

And Light Yagami—Kira—really was something else. The way he'd foreseen his detainment and created the fake rule to 'prove' his innocence…

Kira was crafty, but Near had a better idea of how his mind worked, now.

His talent for complex, long-term plans, combined with an intense desire to be the best that rivaled Mello's, and caused him to go to similarly extreme measures…

Near could have smiled.

 _Kira, it'll be easy to figure out how you're going to move from here on out._

* * *

Mail Jeevas had always been easily bored.

He'd been bored at home with his parents who were always too busy working to pay much attention to him, he'd been bored in class with the teachers who'd repeated themselves and went over stuff he already knew, he'd been bored by the easy homework he completed in minutes, he'd been bored by the other kids his age who got upset over silly things and didn't seem to understand half of what he said.

He'd quickly taken to playing games in order to quell the boredom, since games were the only things that made life interesting.

When he'd been home he'd played video games, when he'd been in class he'd played a Game Boy sneakily beneath his desk, when interacting with his peers he'd played scientist and tried to observe and predict their behaviors.

And when there hadn't been any games to play—when there was nobody around, or his Game Boy was confiscated or the batteries died—he'd memorize things. He'd memorize the multiplication tables in class, or digits of pi, or the capital cities of all the countries in Europe, or the eye chart at the doctor's when they left him alone in the examination room for twenty minutes.

They hadn't been amused when he'd tried to take the vision test with his eyes closed, but he'd thought it was hilarious, and well worth the subsequent lecture about respecting authority and other total bullshit.

Even at Wammy's House he'd been bored. The class material was more challenging, admittedly, but it was also super boring. The only things that had been interesting there were the video games, the stories about L, and watching Mello and Near duke their shit out.

(Well, one of the nice things about Wammy's House was that he'd gotten to change his name; he'd always hated the name Mail—seriously, what the fuck had his parents been thinking? Matt was a way cooler name.)

So even though Wammy's House was supposed to be a stimulating environment for geniuses, or whatever, Matt had been bored there (Matt had never really understood what he was doing there, anyway—he'd never thought of himself as being particularly smart. It was just that most other people happened to be worse than him at most things). So he really should have known that if he'd been bored there, it wouldn't be any less boring anywhere else.

Somehow, though, he'd thought that once he left Wammy's House and all the crazy L obsession crap, life would get more interesting.

He'd been wrong. It turned out that life outside of the orphanage was even worse—seriously, he had to do even more boring tasks than take classes, such as shopping, and working a job, and paying taxes, and a bunch of other shit like that.

He'd tried moving to a large city, because he thought it would be more interesting—New York was supposed to be an interesting place, he'd thought—but if you didn't like going to museums, or partying, or shopping, or eating at restaurants, or going to tourist sites, or shit like that, then there really wasn't much to do. Aside from, like, work a job, and other similarly sucky stuff.

He had a lot of skills from Wammy's House, thought, not least among them a knack with computers, and it wasn't hard to get some pretty well-paying jobs—the hard part was keeping them.

He'd get bored of each job after only a few months, and move on to the next one, doing everything from hight-tech computer programming (advantages: it paid well, and sometimes it involved some problem-solving that was actually kind of interesting; disadvantages: there were no cute girls, and when it wasn't interesting it was boring as fuck) to working as a barista in the interim (advantages: he got to flirt with cute girls; disadvantages: it didn't pay very well, and it was boring as fuck).

In his spare time he'd been playing video games, videotaping it, and uploading walk-throughs and such onto the internet, and when his channel became popular enough that he was making a descent amount of money from it he stopped trying to work other jobs. Since, hey, why work a job when you can make money playing video games?

(He stayed away from video game competitions, though—he was sick and tired of competitive environments in general, sick and tired of any kind of pressure to prove himself to anyone.)

Beneath the boredom-alleviating enjoyment of video-gaming, though, there was still a constant hollow feeling of dissatisfaction. Like there was something out there that he was missing—something out there that he needed, or that he was meant to do, or something like that—but he had no idea what it was, and he was too lazy to try looking for it.

There was the whole Kira thing going on, of course, but he didn't really pay attention to it. It didn't affect him at all—he wasn't a criminal or anything. And he didn't give a fuck if criminals around the world were dying, or about whether or not that was justice, or what that meant for society or whatever. It didn't have any effect on his life; he spent most of his time in his apartment away from the rest of the boring world, anyway.

As far as he was concerned, the only way any of it concerned him was that it meant he probably didn't have to be too worried about getting mugged, and that Mello and Near were probably still obsessing over it, the latter of which was sometimes an amusing train of thought.

He considered trying to contact Wammy's House to see how they were doing, a few times—well, mostly how Mello was doing, since Mello was the one he'd kind of considered a friend, but how Mello was doing was usually tied to how he was doing against Near, so it was also tied to how Near was doing, which meant that it was basically impossible to inquire after Mello without also inquiring after Near—but by that time he'd been gone a few years, and he didn't even know if they were still there. Mello was only a year younger than him, Near only two years younger, so they'd probably left already.

So Matt continued to spend his life, for the most part, mind-numbingly bored.

And then after a while Mello had showed up, with a wicked-looking scar on his face and the solemn air of a seasoned soldier, and asked him to help him hunt down Kira—apparently L had been killed, which Matt hadn't actually known, though he supposed he should have guessed given how strange it was that L hadn't caught Kira yet, even after like five years, but Matt had just never given it much thought—and Matt agreed, because there was no reason not to.

He was bored, Mello was offering to pay him, and hey—maybe working to catch Kira would be kind of exciting, or something.

* * *

Matt agreed to help, just like Mello had known he would.

And with the information Hal provided him with—well, actually, 'the information Near had told Hal to provide him with' would probably be more accurate, since he couldn't imagine that Near didn't know Hal was giving him the information, so it was probably Near's way of thanking him for sending Mogi over to the SPK headquarters—he and Matt were able to tail Aizawa and Mogi, which led them both to the headquarters of the Japanese Task Force as well as to the woman who'd been the Second Kira, Misa Amane.

It would have been difficult, if not impossible, to keep an eye on both places himself, but with Matt's help it was easy.

Though, originally, he'd been tailing Aizawa and watching the location that seemed to be the Japanese Task Force headquarters while Matt tailed Mogi and whoever was living in the apartment. But when it turned out that person was a young Japanese pop idol, Mello had them switch places because he knew that Matt would get distracted and wouldn't pay attention to the right things.

("If you'll pardon my expression, she's an awfully cute Japanese girl." "Are you serious, Matt?" "Yeah, very serious.")

Which meant that it was Matt's job to keep an eye on the probable Task Force headquarters while Mello tailed the girl and Mogi, bugged her apartment, and listened in on their conversations.

("How's it going for you, Matt?" "It's so boring watching something that never changes…" "Come on, I'm doing the same thing. And if L is there, then they may think that the SPK trailed Aizawa and discovered their location, so they might decide to move. If you're not careful, they could get away." "Then why don't you trade places with me? At least you get to eavesdrop on a cute girl.")

Damn, though, the girl—Misa Amane—really was stupid. It was hard to believe that Kira would have used someone like her.

Though Mello supposed that if she had the Eyes, that might be enough to make her worth something to Kira…

It was clear, though, that even if she'd been the Second Kira in the past, she was not currently executing the killings. She wasn't very bright, and she was clearly harmless. Even if she did have the Eyes, as long as he didn't let himself be seen, it wouldn't be a problem.

And if what Hal had told him was true, there would be no point in threatening her for information if she'd gone without eating or drinking for several days and had even asked to be killed rather than telling anything.

From all her talk about the probable boyfriend named "Light," though—which had also been the name of Soichiro Yagami's son, and it was an unusual name, so it could only be him—Light Yagami was probably the current L. Near, Mogi, and Aizawa's movements seemed to corroborate that, as well, and since he was Soichiro Yagami's son it would have been easy for him to get involved with the investigation.

If Mello was going to make a move, he should make it against Kira—L—Light Yagami. Not the girl.

If he was going to make a move, then… he figured he should wait a bit, though.

Near didn't seem to be making any moves, either, so Mello could only assume that Near was expecting him to go directly to Amane or Aizawa to try to take the notebook again.

And maybe that's what he would have done, in the past, when he'd had the mafia on his side (and when he hadn't had a burn scar stretching from his navel to his eye to remind him constantly of the high cost of failure, to remind him constantly of what Kira had made him do, to remind him constantly of the pain).

(There was a darkness in him, and it twisted and writhed, both darker and quieter than it had ever been. He no longer felt like he could lose his balance at any moment and fall into insanity, no longer felt it simmering beneath his skin, no longer felt in danger sparks that would light the gasoline and consume him—it was a quiet, lurking darkness now, wounded and dangerous but patient and predatory, coiling and biding its time as it soothed itself on the flavor of chocolate.)

He would kill Kira one day, he knew. It was not a question of 'if' but of 'when,' and he could wait for the right opportunity. Let Near make some of the catalyst moves first for once—it was about high time Near grew some balls and took action, rather than waiting for everything to fall into his lap (everything had always been so easy for Near).

Mello could wait. And if Kira was going back to Japan— _Damn it, Matt, you were supposed to be keeping an eye on them—_ then Mello would follow him, and wait for Near to catch up.

* * *

Near had sent Commander Rester to Japan to investigate Light Yagami, and everything he'd discovered had only confirmed the fact that Light Yagami had to be Kira.

All Near needed was proof.

Mogi was keeping an eye on Amane, and Aizawa was keeping an eye on Light, and they'd let him know if they found anything—judging from the fact that they hadn't, yet the killings were still continuing, he determined that somebody else had to have the notebook.

And then Demegawa was killed, and a week later Kiyomi Takada, a news anchor from NHN, was chosen as Kira's new spokesperson.

Judging from that, and from the fact that most of the killings were taking place in Japan, it was highly likely that the person with the notebook was in Japan. (The Japanese Task Force, too, had returned to Japan, and Mello had probably followed them there.)

So Near sent Lidner and Gevanni to Japan, as well, so they could try to get close to Takada, since Commander Rester wasn't making any headway on his own.

And then Takada, who had originally been giving a neutral account of Kira's values, began openly voicing her opinion after, by Commander Rester's report, meeting a mysterious visitor in a hotel room. Which suggested that she either was in contact with Kira, the person with the notebook, or both, and was therefore assured of her safety; otherwise she wouldn't be stating her opinions so boldly.

Which meant that Kira had made his moves and all the pieces were set, and it was time for Near to go to Japan well.

They would settle the case in Land of the Rising Sun.

(He had to ask Commander Rester to come back to New York first, though, to escort him to Japan, because he had never made travel arrangements himself before, so he didn't know how it even worked, and he knew he wouldn't be able to figure it out on his own—not in completely new environments with no idea what to do and overwhelmed by all the sounds and movement and people that would make him panic, his ears ringing and unable to distinguish sounds and his eyes darting and unable to read even clearly-printed signs and his heart pounding in his chest and his breath coming short and he wouldn't be able to even _think—_ ).

(It wasn't lost on him that he, now seventeen, couldn't even make his way to Japan by himself, while Mello had left the orphanage on his own before he was even fifteen and had somehow made his way to the top of the world's most powerful mafia.)

(Everything had always seemed to be so easy for Mello…)

* * *

Matt still didn't understand Mello and Near at all.

Seriously—Mello claimed they were both trying to catch Kira no matter what it took, but if that were the case then why weren't they working together? If they really wanted to catch Kira by _whatever means necessary_ , then they would _work together,_ even if they weren't happy about it.

Actually, scratch that—Matt still totally understood them, just like he always had. Because for Mello, everything had always been about beating Near, while for Near, everything had always been about being L.

(Half the time Matt envied Mello and Near their passion and the way it motivated them, and the other half of the time he pitied them for the way it consumed them.)

So, from what Matt figured, no matter what Mello said about wanting to kill Kira, Mello's main goal was to beat Near, and he saw Near as his main opponent; but for Near, because his main goal was to be L, saw Kira as his main opponent, because Kira had killed L.

And who knew what Kira thought about the whole thing, but from what Mello said, Kira's focus seemed to be on Near, not Mello, which meant that Near and Kira were fighting one war, like two kings or generals or whatever on the frontlines, and then Mello was a rebel on the sidelines trying to undermine one government and overthrow the other, or some other mixed up metaphor like that.

At first, when Matt had seen Mello with that scar and a somber and war-torn look about him—as a kid Mello had always been a cocky and lively type of guy—Matt had thought that Mello had changed a great deal in the few years since he'd last seen him, and that the way he was taking his time observing and tailing people meant that he'd become wiser, or something.

But then, after hanging around him again, he'd realized that, no, Mello was still as intensely obsessive as ever—he was just better at hiding it.

Also, Mello still had his chocolate fetish thing going on, and that was a pretty large giveaway that he hadn't changed, too. (Matt liked chocolate as much as the next person, but he'd never understood how Mello could eat so much of it without fucking vomiting from sugar inundation.)

And Matt figured that Near probably hadn't changed any, either, judging by all the things Mello liked to mumble about the guy—apparently they'd actually met each other face-to-face and talked at some point, or something, and had agreed on the fact that Kira needed to die no matter what and also apparently on the fact that "no matter what" apparently included everything except for swallowing their pride and working together—so Near was probably still walking around in pajamas playing with toys and correcting everybody on stuff.

But, oh well, Matt figured—it was kinda nostalgic, a little bit. He hadn't realized how relatively not-boring Wammy's House had been in comparison to the rest of the world until he'd, well, actually been out in the rest of the world enough to make that realization.

Didn't realize what he'd had till it was gone, he guessed.

It was kinda nice having Mello around again, though—he was more of a killjoy now than he had been, but he was still a cool guy, and his angry mutterings about Near were still amusing. And helping Mello out trying to catch Kira was probably the least-bored Matt had been in, like, at least a year, if not longer. The whole thing with sneaking around trying to find a way to kill the boss monster was kinda like playing a real-life video game (if a bit more tedious—especially now that they were tailing Kiyomi Takada, who wasn't as cute as Misa Amane).

The world was practically in Kira's hands, at that point—he was basically at Ganondorf in _Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princes_ level of diabolical world-conquering boss monster—but if anybody was going to defeat the guy, then it was going to be Mello and Near.

And Matt couldn't help but think that it was going to be a hell of an exciting final boss battle.

He couldn't wait to watch it.

* * *

Light was high on the taste of victory, drunk on shots of power, euphoric at the sensation of the world lowering to its knees and bowing before him—kissing his feet and begging his mercy, praying for his justice, fearing his strength and worshiping his divinity.

He was going to win. He was _so close_ to beating L's heir—to beating L once and for all.

 _He was so close._ His perfect world—he almost had it. A peaceful world where only kind people lived; a peaceful world with him as its God.

When Near had called him to set up the meeting, Light had felt the world fall into his hands, and it was all he could do not to start laughing.

He'd set all the pieces, and Near was checkmated. Mikami, Takada, the fake notebook—Near had fallen for his trap hook, line, and sinker.

Just like L had.

 _L's successor, huh?_

The exultant laugher was a simmer in his chest, but it was held carefully behind his perfectly unsmiling lips, and nobody would know a thing about it until they collapsed in death-throws at his feet.

The triumphant laughter of a God would be the last thing they'd ever hear—just like his triumphant smirk had been the last thing L had ever seen.

 _That's right; I am Kira._

* * *

Figuring out that Teru Mikami had the notebook was too easy, and it submersed Near in disquietude.

There was no way that Light Yagami could have killed Demegawa and then chosen a new spokesperson with the Task Force watching him, and it was odd that there was a week-long gap between the two events. And if Light Yagami—L-Kira—had chosen a spokesperson, he surely wouldn't have chosen Takada, whom he'd had relations with during college; he wouldn't have chosen someone with any connection to him.

And the fact that Takada had only started making pro-Kira comments after meeting that mysterious person at the hotel, which L had admitted was himself, suggested they hadn't been in contact before that, and therefore L-Kira had not chosen her—it just so happened to coincidentally (serendipitously, for Yagami) work out that he knew her.

Which meant that whoever had the notebook—X-Kira—had chosen Takada himself.

And the only reason why he'd choose someone Takada, out of all the available potential spokespersons, was that he knew she was a Kira worshiper, since it only made sense to choose a spokesperson for Kira who agreed with Kira's ideals.

Which meant either that X-Kira was related to Takada—a close friend or possibly even family member—or that they'd had some kind of prior contact.

So while he had Commander Rester and Gevanni investigate the people close to Takada, he'd watched all the programs that Takada had appeared on, starting with the most recent ones, to see who she'd come into contact with.

It was during those many hours of watching news footage that Near had seen Teru Mikami, whom he'd previously noticed from his appearances on Sakura TV's _Kira's Kingdom_ as somebody who agreed completely with Kira's ideals. And Near was able to confirm that out of all of Takada's programs Teru Mikami had appeared on two of them—which would have been enough for him to get to know her.

And when Near rewatched the _Kira's Kingdom_ footage of Teru Mikami, he found that Mikami had made a statement asking to hear Kira's voice—a statement he'd given four days after Demegawa had died and four days before Takada was chosen as the next spokesperson.

It was also after Near had confronted L about the 13 Day Rule and spoken with Aizawa, who then promised to keep on eye on L, which meant that it was after L-Kira would have been pressured to move the notebook from Misa Amane to someone else—Teru Mikami, whom he must have noticed on _Kira's_ Kingdom—and during a time when L-Kira could not make any moves, and therefore could not contact Mikami again after giving him the notebook.

So it had been Teru Mikami who had killed Demegawa, and then, when he still didn't get any orders from Kira, had chosen Kiyomi Takada as the next spokesperson, whom he'd known was on Kira's side.

All the pieces fit.

What disquieted Near, though, was how easy it had been to confirm that Mikami had the Death Note—he wasn't doing anything to hide it, or keep it safe, which was what one would certainly normally do with a killer notebook. But no, Mikami was carrying it with him, unprotected in his bag, and he even used it out in the open to kill people.

There was, of course, the possibility that Mikami didn't bother to try to hide the notebook because he had a Shinigami with him, as a Shinigami who couldn't be seen by anyone else could protect the notebook and tell him if he was being followed, and then he could kill whoever it was, just like Mello had used the Shinigami Sidoh.

But then Gevanni was able to film Mikami talking to himself about how the Shinigami had given him the notebook and then hadn't appeared since, which wasn't the kind of thing one would normally say out loud in such a situation, and Mikami's trips to the gym gave Gevanni the perfect opportunity to access the notebook from Mikami's gym locker and confirm that there was indeed no Shinigami.

Near waited 23 days, of course, to make sure that Gevanni wasn't being controlled to say that. But when the 23 days had passed and it was confirmed that he wasn't…

The way Mikami was killing in plain sight, the way he gave away that he didn't have a Shinigami, the way he left the notebook in a place that would be easy for someone else to get access to it—it was too obvious, was all happening too perfectly.

It was even more suspicious because it was obvious that Light Yagami was contacting Mikami through Takada during his meetings with her that he claimed were for the benefit of solving the Kira Case, which were wired but not videotaped, which meant that it would be easy for them to pass notes, and therefore Yagami was in a position to give Mikami orders.

And there was absolutely no way that Yagami, if he didn't want Near to find out that Mikami had the notebook, wouldn't have given Mikami orders to do everything he could to hide the fact, or to pretend to be talking to a Shinigami so they'd have to be more wary and might be too afraid to make an attempt at getting the notebook. And there was no way that Mikami wouldn't have followed such orders, or even that he wouldn't have thought of such things himself.

He had a supernatural _murder notebook_ , for god's sake. That was not the kind of thing even an absolute _idiot_ treated so carelessly. And Mikami was clearly intelligent.

Which could only mean that Yagami had given Mikami orders _not_ to hide the fact that he had the notebook—in fact, it could only have been the case that Yagami had told Mikami to be obvious about it, to leave a chance for them to get control of the notebook, and to let it slip that he didn't have a Shinigami.

Yagami was having Mikami use the notebook as bait—it was the exact same strategy that Near had used when he'd told Yagami that he was in Japan with the SPK, and there were only four members including himself. He'd been baiting Kira to try to kill him—and now Kira was baiting him to try to tamper with the notebook.

They both knew that the only way Kira would be caught was with hard, solid proof—Near would never kill Light Yagami and Teru Mikami and then _ex post facto_ say "the killings stopped, which is proof that I was right," because that wasn't the way that he and L did things, and Yagami knew that—and the only way to get proof would be to catch Mikami writing names in the notebook in such a way that it proved that Light Yagami was Kira.

And the only way to do that would be to create a situation where both the Japanese Task Force and the SPK were together in a place where Mikami could come and write all of their names in the notebook, except for Light Yagami's, which would then prove that Yagami was Kira.

But the only way for that to work as a way of catching Yagami would be if they didn't actually die when their names were written down, and the only way to do that would be to replace the pages of the notebook.

Which would be ridiculously easy to do, since Mikami filled exactly one page full of names each day, so it would be easy to set a date for the meeting and then replace the page for that day and all subsequent days, in such a way that Mikami theoretically wouldn't notice because all the previous pages would have worked.

If Mikami wrote all their names except for Light Yagami's and they didn't die, it would prove that Yagami was Kira and Mikami had been carrying out the killings, and then they could rub their faces in defeat and arrest them.

That was the only way to catch Kira.

But Kira had to know that—which meant that he would take action against that happening. But he wouldn't just try to avoid having the SPK find the notebook, because he wanted to kill Near, whom he had no way of getting the name of except with Mikami's eyes, which would mean that he would want Near to put himself in a position to be seen, which he would only do if he thought that he wouldn't be killed, and then Yagami would have something up his sleeve so that Near and everyone else really _would_ be killed.

Which meant that the real killer notebook was probably hidden away in safekeeping so that they wouldn't be able to find it, and Mikami would be able to pull it out only right before going to the location to kill them. Which meant that the notebook Mikami was using was probably a fake—which, since Yagami and Mikami were letting them have opportunity to access the notebook, they would easily be able to test.

But if Yagami thought that they would actually test the notebook, then he wouldn't let them have access to it, since then the plan wouldn't work.

L would definitely have tested the notebook, but Near had made a point of trying to stress that he _wasn't_ L—L had been ready and willing to torture Misa Amane for information, but Yagami had no doubt been listening to Mogi's interrogation and had heard Near stressing that they would never lower themselves to that level.

Near had suggested they test the notebook by letting him write Mello's name, but it appeared that Yagami had figured out that it had been a bluff on Near's part—Near had essentially told him it was a bluff when he'd admitted that he'd expected them to turn down the offer, because he'd wanted L to know that he suspected him, and to think that getting the other Japanese Task Force members was the entire goal of that conversation so that they wouldn't realize he'd been trying to discover whether or not they'd discovered Mello's name.

But Yagami would just have thought that he was the kind of person who would try to solve the case without killing anyone, or risking killing anyone.

Because Yagami clearly thought that they wouldn't test the notebook, even if they had access to it. Which would mean that he wouldn't suspect Near to suspect that the notebook Mikami was using was fake.

And of course, the killings were still happening, and Near had had Gevanni take photos of Mikami's notebook, and they'd confirmed that the names all matched.

But Gevanni had also admitted, after a little questioning, that before Mikami used the notebook in public, he fiddled with his phone first—which mean that he could take pictures of the people he wanted to kill and then send the photos, along with the names, to somebody else who would actually carry out the killings.

Given that Mikami was already in contact with Takada, and Yagami was also in contact with Takada, it was likely that Takada was the one actually carrying out the killings—Yagami wouldn't put the killings in the hands of somebody he didn't have contact with and couldn't control.

So there was the possibility that Takada actually had the real notebook. But Lidner had successfully become one of Takada's most trusted bodyguards, and she hadn't seen anything. And they hadn't bothered to hide Lidner, so Yagami had to know, which would mean that he wouldn't let Takada keep something as obvious as the Death Note on her.

And Takada, since she was constantly guarded, would never be able to move freely enough to get somewhere where she could kill the SPK and Japanese Task Force, so it would have to be Mikami. Which meant that Mikami would have to have relatively easy access to the hidden notebook.

So then, how Takada was carrying out the killings… if pages of the Death Note worked even when they were removed from the notebook, it would be possible. It would also explain some other otherwise unexplainable circumstances, like how it was Higuchi had died of a heart attack after being captured by L, because if Yagami had confirmed that killing with pieces of the notebook paper was possible then he'd definitely have some hidden on him.

But that was all nothing but conjecture, unless they were able to prove that the notebook wasn't real by testing it.

Near's suspicions were further confirmed, though, when Yagami agreed to the meeting he suggested. Because he'd made it obvious with the location, time, and other conditions he'd set that he was taking into account Light's plan for Mikami to come and kill them, as it was a plan that Yagami would never have agreed to unless he thought that he really could kill Near and everyone else. And there was absolutely no reason why Near would have asked for such a meeting that could very likely get him killed unless he believed that he wouldn't actually be killed, so even the very fact that he suggested the meeting at all would have told Yagami that he was planning on switching the pages of the notebook.

He'd never have asked for the meeting if that wasn't his plan, and Yagami would never have agreed to it unless he knew Near's plan and had his own counter-plan.

Why Yagami hadn't considered the fact that Near would suspect that Mikami was using a fake notebook—given that if Near thought that Yagami didn't know that he was planning to switch out the pages of the notebook then he would never have suggested the meeting, because doing so would have tipped Yagami off that something was wrong since he had to know that Near wasn't stupid enough to put himself in a situation where he could be killed so easily unless he thought he had a trick up his own sleeve, and therefore Yagami would have been suspicious of his motives and would either have figured out his plan and developed countermeasures or else not agreed to the meeting at all, and Near would have known that and therefore couldn't possibly have expected the meeting to work, so therefore he had to have suggested the meeting knowing that Yagami thought he knew what his plan was and had counter-plan, and therefore Near would never have suggested the meeting unless he thought he knew what Yagami's counter-plan was and had his own counter-plan to that counter-plan—Near didn't know.

But he supposed that Yagami was simply so desperate to kill him that he hadn't considered it. Or else Yagami really was underestimating him.

So when Yagami agreed to the meeting and Gevanni switched out the pages of the notebook, without telling Gevanni or Lidner, Near had Commander Rester first analyze the material of pages Gevanni had taken from the notebook (he'd been informed by Aizawa that the material the Death Note was made of couldn't be found on Earth), and, when they found that the paper was completely normal notebook paper, they'd written a name (the name of a criminal even X-Kira couldn't know about and whom they could ascertain the death of immediately) just to make sure.

And, just as they'd thought, that person didn't die. Which meant that the notebook they'd replaced the pages in was fake.

Which meant that when in three days, when they had their meeting on the 28th, Near was going to die.

That was okay, though, because Near would be the only one to die, and Yagami and Mikami would still be caught. Because while Mikami had no doubt been ordered to write everybody's names there except Yagami's, he'd also no doubt been ordered to write Near's name first, and if he was prevented from writing anymore names after writing Near's, Near's death would still be the proof they needed—because, knowing Kira, he'd declare his win right before the first death (Near's) was supposed to be, because he'd definitely want to rub Near's face in his defeat before he died.

But nobody else would die, because Mikami would be prevented from writing anymore names—because Mello would be there to prevent him from doing so.

Near had let Lidner tell Mello about everything except Mikami (if Mello thought Mikami had the notebook, he would have taken it, which would have disrupted everything), knowing that Mello, after hearing what Lidner knew of his plan, would no doubt figure everything else out—like the fact that the notebook they'd replaced the pages of had to be a fake.

So Mello would definitely be there at the Yellow Box Warehouse to catch Kira. Near's death would be the proof they needed, and Mello would be able to defeat Kira, just like he wanted.

The real notebook needed to be flushed out somehow, after all. And Near didn't mind dying if his death would close the case by proving that Teru Mikami was X-Kira and Light Yagami was Kira.

There was also a possibility, however, that after hearing about his plan, Mello would take some kind of action before the 28th in order to try to get the real notebook before the meeting, and then try to use it to capture Kira entirely by himself.

Waiting for Near to make his move would be the easiest way for Mello to capture Kira, but his pride might not let him rely on Near that much.

Also, there was a possibility that if Mello tried to make a move, he'd end up being killed, since his name was already known, though depending on what he did the chance of his death might not be as certain as Near's was, depending on who he made the move against and how. But the chance was still high, and Near didn't think Mello would want to risk it.

In essence, it was very likely that one of them would have to die in order for the other to catch Kira… And Near didn't think Mello would mind letting him be the one to force Kira's hand for once.

(He couldn't help but remember the bitter way Mello had said _"Near, I'm not a tool for you to use to solve the puzzle."_ So even though Near could have waited for Mello to inevitably do something to force Kira's hand, and then take advantage of that, he hadn't.)

(Near wanted to prove that he could do some things himself—he wanted to prove that he was worthy to be L's successor. L had risked his life—had given his life—to solve the Kira Case, and Mello had also risked his life to do so. Near would not be a worthy successor to L if he were not willing to do the same.)

(He wanted to prove that, just like L and Mello, he was willing to do whatever it took to solve the case.)

 _(Because maybe, if he did that, he'd be able to prove, both to himself and to everyone else, that he wasn't the horrible person he'd always seemed to be no matter how much he tried to do the right thing—)_

(And unlike Mello, he didn't care about being the best—he just wanted to prove that he was right, and that Light Yagami was wrong. So he didn't mind dying if that was the only way to do that.)

 _(And also, he didn't… he didn't want Mello to think he was using him like a tool. He'd never thought of Mello that way, and he didn't want Mello to hate him any more than he already did…)_

Ultimately, though, the choice of who took the risk and who profited from it to catch Kira was Mello's.

(So it turned out that even when Near tried to take action, the deciding move was still all up to Mello, anyway.)

* * *

When Hal told him Near's plan, Mello felt himself go cold.

"By having his name written in the notebook…?" he repeated, hoping to god his voice didn't sound as strangled as it felt.

"Yes…"

Mello stared down at the black and white tiled floor beneath his feet.

What the hell was Near doing? There was absolutely no way that Kira didn't know that Near was planning on switching out the pages—the guy had to be up to something. There was absolutely no way Kira would let Near switch out the pages of the real notebook. The entire situation had 'suspicious as fuck' written all over it.

If Mello were Kira, he would have switched the real notebook with a fake one. Surely Near could figure that out—it was _Near_ , after all. He _had_ to know. So why was he going through with this? And why was he letting Lidner let him know? If Near had plans he thought would work, he wouldn't risk the possibility of letting him throw a wrench in them—

Mello's fingers tightened around the phone.

 _Of course._

Near was still using him. Near wanted him to know the details of his plan, because he knew that Mello would take action, and would—

What was he expecting Mello to do? Mello didn't know where the real notebook would be or who had it, so he couldn't try to attain it before the Near's meeting with Kira—and even if he did, it wouldn't be what Near would want, since Near wanted to prove that Light Yagami was Kira, so he _needed_ his name to be written down so that there'd be proof.

 _It's just like Near to think that way…_

But if Near's name was written down, he'd die, and everyone else's names would be written down as well, which meant that—

 _Oh. Fuck._

Mello stopped breathing for a moment. Carefully, deliberately, he forced his lungs to move again.

 _Damn it, Near—risking your life and doing something that will definitely get you killed are two entirely different things! You fucking_ idiot.

Near had had Hal tell him where and when the meeting would be so that he'd be there—and then, after Near's name was written so that there'd be proof, Mello could prevent anyone else from being killed and catch Kira.

But Near would still die.

It would be just like Near to think that the Kira Case was worth dying for. (He always had wanted to be just like L..)

Mello grit his teeth.

 _Do you really think I'd be okay with that, Near?! Letting you get yourself killed in order to solve the case won't make me Number One, damn it._

 _You're not allowed to die until I've proved that I'm better than you, Near. Until I've proved that I'm better than both you and L…_

Mello felt the darkness inside him coil tighter.

"Then I guess I'm going to have to do it." _I have no choice._

He hung up on Hal and stared back down at the dirty tiles, checkered black and white like a chessboard.

 _Looks like it's time for me to make my move._

 _But, Near—I'm not going to do what you want me to._

He speed-dialed Matt on his phone and rose from the leather chair.

Matt picked up on the first ring. _"'Sup?"_

"Get out of there and meet me at the car," Mello said, kicking a broken mannequin out of the way as he strode across the black and white floor. "We're kidnapping Kiyomi Takada."

Hal had told him that the current L couldn't make any moves with the Japanese Task Force watching him and that the killings were being carried out by someone else, but she wouldn't tell him who that person was—probably because Near had forbade her to, figuring that Mello would find a way to get the notebook from that person—so Mello had no choice but to kidnap Takada, whom he knew was connected to Kira.

She was Kira's spokesperson, so she had to know who was carrying out the killings. So Plan A was that he kidnapped her and questioned her about who this person was, and then went from there and got ahold of the real notebook himself.

However, her kidnapping would be highly publicized, so the person doing the killings—who he'd been informed had a tendency to make his own moves in Kira's interest but independent from Kira's orders—would probably figure, if he had any intelligence at all, that Mello would question Takada for his identity. And, since he wouldn't have Mello's name and face, would kill Takada instead, just like Kira had killed the NPA director.

So in that case, Plan B was that the kidnapping forced whoever was doing the killings to kill Takada, which he would need the real notebook in order to do, and thus would expose the location of the real notebook to whichever SPK member Near no doubt had tailing the guy.

And then Near could replace the real notebook with a fake, or something like that, and then he could let his name be written in the notebook as proof but wouldn't die, and Kira would be caught.

Mello figured that would be okay, since he would essentially have saved Near, so Near would only have succeeded because of him—so even though he wouldn't have beaten Near, Near wouldn't have beaten him, either.

He could always prove he was Number One on some other case in the future—as long as they caught Kira before either of them were killed, there would be time for him to beat Near.

But with the way the world was going, they needed to catch Kira as soon as possible, or else they'd _both_ end up being killed once the world was entirely under Kira's control—and then it would be Kira who'd be Number One.

And Mello was not about to let that happen.

Better that Near won than that Kira won.

* * *

When Mello had explained his plan to kidnap Takada, Matt had been excited about it.

He'd always wanted to play real-life _Grand Theft Auto_.

He hadn't expected the cars to be able to get ahead of him, though, or for them to have such big guns, or for them to actually shoot him, or that getting shot wold hurt so much, or that it would kill him.

He saw the words _Game Over_ flash in front of his eyes, and then the screen went black.

* * *

Mello glanced at the mini TV he'd set on the dashboard.

The news was showing footage of Matt's car, the door riddled with bulletholes, Matt's dead body slumped against it.

" _The man who was shot down has yet to be identified—"_

Mello's mouth was dry, his stomach hollowed out and filled with darkness.

 _Matt… I never thought you'd be killed… forgive me…_

His hands tightened around the steering wheel and he kept driving.

* * *

Near watched the news footage with panic building like a firestorm in his chest.

 _Mello, you…_

 _Beep._

Lidner's face appeared in profile on the screen, tight and unreadable, a seatbelt strapped across her chest and the roar of wheels on pavement rumbling in the background. "Near, Mello kidnapped Takada…"

 _I knew there was a chance you'd try something, Mello… but I didn't think you'd really…_

It was all Near could do just to breathe. "Lidner."

"Yes?"

"Have you been leaking information about our investigation to Mello?" He already knew the answer—he'd been tacitly letting her, after all. "Well?" _Just how much did you tell him, though?_

"Yes… but I haven't told him about Mikami. I swear."

 _That means that he probably hasn't figured out that Takada was the one carrying out the killings… which means that he could die… if she has a scrap of the notebook on her, then…_

It was all Near could do just to breathe.

 _Lidner doesn't know that the notebook Mikami's been using is a fake… I can't tell her that now, not when Mello's actions may flush the real notebook out of hiding… if Takada is killed then our problem is solved… but if Takada gets the chance to kill Mello first… but letting Lidner know what the real situation is at this point could only be detrimental, since it would no doubt be debilitatingly upsetting…_

"Fine," he said. "If that's the case, we should still be okay. But if Mello finds out about Mikami from Takada, and seeks him out… this will all be a waste." _Which is true, if it happens, but the way things are at the moment it's unlikely that either Takada or Mello will live that long. If possible, I'd like to get to them before that happens. So:_ "I want you to find Takada…"

Near coiled his hair tightly around his fingers. "No, I want you to stop Mello at all costs."

"But—"

"Do it," Near cut her off. His gaze was on the news, the footage of the bullet-riddled corpse slumped against the black car that had been instrumental in Takada's kidnapping, the familiar striped shirt and clunky goggles. _Of course it would be Matt that Mello would go to for help…_

"All right…" Lidner said finally.

It was all Near could do just to breathe.

 _L's already died because of this case, and now Matt… if Mello dies too, then I…_

 _No, I can't think about that… I need to…_

His fingers tingled where they were tangled up in his hair.

 _I need to_ think… _I need to… need to make sure we can still defeat Kira… I have to…_

His other hand reached for the button on his headset that would contact L-Kira.

 _Beep._

"L," he said, "I am not the one who kidnapped Takada."

 _I can't think about the possibility of Mello dying right now. It doesn't matter. I just need to make sure that Mello's actions will mean something. Which means that L-Kira has to come to the meeting, no matter what._

/I see. Then that means… Mello./

"Yes." _I need him to believe completely that I had nothing to do with this._ "I'll be honest with you: the individual I have guarding Takada has told me that it was definitely Mello."

 _L-Kira knows your name but he doesn't know your face, Mello, and even if he did he couldn't kill you with the rest of the Japanese Task Force watching, so telling him that it's you shouldn't put you in any more danger than you're already in._

 _I need him to know that it was you, not me._

/Near, don't you have means of contacting him?/

 _Do you really think I didn't think of that already?_ "It's no use. I can try to contact Mello, but he'll never respond to me."

 _I need you not to guess that Mello might be to find X-Kira and the real notebook, so I need to mislead you with something else…. Maybe:_ "He must plan on capturing Kira by himself, using Takada as bait."

 _I don't think Mello would possibly think that Kira cared enough about Takada to try to save her, but since he's used that kind of strategy before, it should be a relatively believable story to someone else._

 _But the most important thing here is that:_ _"_ Frankly, I didn't want him interfering for the next three days, and I really do mean that…"

/Very well, I trust your words, and I believe that you're not collaborating with Mello./

 _He probably really does believe me—he knows my plan about switching the pages, and if he thinks I think that notebook is real then he should know that I would want the meeting to happen on that date at any cost._

"L," he said, fingers trussed up in his hair, almost completely numb, "I'm going to track them down with everything I've got." _Which is true, just not for the reasons you think—but that doesn't matter._

/I'll do the same./

 _Good. This should also keep your attention away from Mikami…_

Near pressed the button to disconnect the call.

 _Beep._

"Near." That was Commander Rester.

It was all Near could do just to breathe. "Yes?" He began carefully extricating his fingers from his hair.

"Are you sure about this?"

 _No._ "Yes. Just make sure that Gevanni keeps an especially close eye on Mikami…"

 _But if Mikami kills Takada, and Yagami realizes that, then he'll guess that we might have found the location of the real notebook, which would mean…_

 _No, I can't think about that right now…_

It was all Near could do just to breathe.

 _Mello, you…_

* * *

Mello had barely finished parking the truck in the dilapidated church when he felt his heart seize.

 _They got me_ , he thought distantly as he gasped and choked in agony, clutching his chest. _How did they…?!_

(Maybe he should've guessed that Takada would have paper from the notebook on her. Maybe he should've made her strip completely naked without giving her the blanket until he was sure she couldn't possibly have anything on her. Maybe he should've been thinking about more than just getting rid of the tracer and getting away as quickly as possible. Maybe he should've—but it was too late for any of that.)

 _I've lost…_

The realization was even more painful than the heart attack, and left him feeling twice as desperate and four times as cold.

 _Near… you'd better…_

And then his heart gave out, his brain asphyxiated, and his body slumped limply against the steering wheel, his lightless eyes staring wide-open into nothingness.

(Near had better fulfill his promise to catch Kira—and he'd better fucking do it without getting himself killed.)

* * *

Near traced over the real killer notebook with imperceptibly trembling fingers.

In the fake notebook, the one they'd replaced the pages of first, one page was filled with names every day—but the real one jumped from November 25th to January 26th, when Takada's name was written down.

Which meant that Light Yagami had Mikami walk around with the fake notebook starting two months in advance to trick him—Light Yagami had foreseen that Near would replace the pages in the notebook even before Near had come up with the plan himself.

It was the exact same kind of careful, months-ahead plotting—predicting the enemy's moves before they even made them—that Light Yagami had used to kill L.

Near had figured Light Yagami would have Mikami use a fake notebook and that he would die when his name was written in the real one, but he hadn't realized that Light Yagami had been having Mikami use the fake notebook so far ahead of time…

(Even though Near did figure out the notebook was fake—even though he'd been _right_ —and Light Yagami didn't figure out that Near had figured it out, Near still felt like he'd been bested, somehow.)

(Was that the way L had felt, when he was forced to let Light Yagami free after discovering the 13 Day Rule, even though he knew that Light Yagami had to be Kira?)

Near traced his finger over the words _'Kiyomi Takada Suicide Burns to death by setting fire to everything around her including what she wrote January 26th 2:33 PM.'_ No name was written on the same page that could be Mello's.

 _Which means that Takada must have been the one to kill him…_

Mello had taken the fall for him, and so Near would be the one to close the case and catch Kira.

Near twirled his hair slowly around his fingers.

Mello was dead, but he did not feel grief.

Gevanni had found the real notebook, but he did not feel triumph.

All he felt was numb.

It was the same feeling he'd had when L had died—a distant sense of unreality, a wrongness, a disbelief, like it couldn't possibly have happened. Couldn't possibly be happening.

L was dead. Matt was dead. Mello was dead. Near was still alive. Gevanni had found the real notebook and was confident he could create a perfect copy in time for the meeting with Kira. Kira would be defeated. Near wouldn't die.

Mello was gone, just like L, and Near was alone. He was the only one who would see Kira brought to justice.

 _When you kidnapped Takada, did you know that it would kill you, Mello?_

(Years ago he'd wondered: _When you started working on the Kira Case, did you know that it would kill you, L?_ )

He thought to himself that old rule: _If you can't beat the game, if you can't solve the puzzle, you're nothing but a loser._

Then he thought to himself: _No, I already know that as long as I catch Kira, L hasn't lost—which means that as long as I catch Kira, Mello hasn't lost, either._

And he thought of the old Latin quote: _nanos gigantum humeris insidentes,_ and Isaac Newton's English translation: "If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." And he knew that his inevitable victory was only due to the actions, the deaths, of L and Mello.

It was the way the world worked. Logically, there was no reason to be upset about any of it—he'd never known L; Mello had always hated him.; he'd barely known Matt; countless other people whom he felt nothing for had also been killed by Kira. But he was going to capture Kira with hard proof.

Those were the facts.

He just didn't know what he was supposed to feel about any of it.

Was he supposed to feel sad because of all the deaths? Did it mean he was a horrible person if he didn't feel sad? Would it make him a horrible person if he was feeling sad when he was about to beat Kira, which was a good thing? Was he supposed to feel happy he was going to win and keep Kira from getting total control of the world? Would it make him a horrible person if he felt happy about winning when so many people had died?

Or was he supposed to feel angry about everything Kira had done? And if he was, then what, exactly, was he supposed to be angry about? Could he really be angry at Kira for killing people he hadn't really cared about? Could he really be angry at Kira for killing the people he'd cared about when he wasn't even sure he felt sad due to their deaths? How could one tell if one felt sad over someone's death or not?

What did sadness feel like, anyway?

But he decided that, ultimately, it didn't really matter what he felt, or what he didn't feel. His feelings wouldn't change anything. They didn't mean anything. They wouldn't change reality.

And the reality was that Mello had died, but his actions had revealed the location of the real Death Note, and L-Kira had agreed to keep the meeting as they'd scheduled, so the problem of how to get proof that Light Yagami was Kira without dying was solved.

Near twirled his hair numbly around his fingers.

Kira's reign would be brought to an end—that was all that mattered.

He pushed away all the thoughts that weren't directly related to what he was about to do—they wouldn't accomplish anything, so he was much better off not dwelling on them—and looked back down at Mikami's careful handwriting before flipping through the pages again. It was evident that some of the pages in the notebook had been clipped out.

 _Light Yagami still agreed to go through with the meeting when I called him, which means that he doesn't know that Mikami killed Takada. Which means that Light Yagami must have killed her in the same way at around the same time. And in order to do that… if he had a piece of the notebook on him, it would be possible—I thought it might be, but I didn't know for sure… but with this, and with the fact that Mello died even though his name isn't written in this notebook, it has to be true that clippings taken out of the notebook still work…_

He could try testing it, but he didn't need to. It had to be true.

 _Though I can just ask the Shinigami later to make sure, anyway._

 _In regards to the Shinigami, though, now I've touched the notebook, so I'll be able to see it… no matter what the Shinigami looks like, I can't show any kind of reaction… that might be hard, though…_

 _Maybe I should wear a mask… I'll just need to come up with a good excuse for wearing it._

 _And if I use a mask that fits with what Commander Rester heard about the appearance of Light Yagami's friend Hideki Ryuga from To-Oh University, then…_

Near's hair curled softly around his fingers.

 _It's only right that L's memory should be there in some way to witness Kira's demise, anyway._

* * *

Light could feel the world shattering around him, and it filled him with terror.

The world was ending and Near's pitch-dark eyes were L's, his ghoulish smile of triumph was L's, his even and inflectionless voice was L's, it was all L, L, L—

The only difference was his platinum-pale hair, the exact opposite of L's midnight-black, but all that difference accomplished was to make him look like L's ghost—a risen, vengeful corpse.

" _Together Mello and I can stand with L. Together we can surpass L."_

But through the firecracker haze of panic and agony and the taste of blood and the rending sound of his own screams _(I DON'T WANT TO DIE I DON'T WANT TO DIE I DON'T WANT TO DIE I DON'T WANT TO DIE IDON'TWANTTODIE—)_ the only other thing he could think was _Near you damned liar you_ are _L._

Those familiar pitch-dark eyes were watching him die and Light couldn't stop screaming.

* * *

 **TBC.**

* * *

 **AN:** For further elaboration on why I had Near and Mello figure out that Light would have switched the notebook with a fake, when they didn't appear to do so in canon - at least, not by Near's account of what happened, and not from what we see of Near's thoughts, either - then please refer to the author notes in Chapter 6.


	5. L's legacy

**AN:** Last chapter. **  
**

* * *

 **L's legacy**

* * *

Near fingered the slip of Death Note Light Yagami had tried to kill him with— _Nate_ written in ink and _Rive_ written in blood.

One more letter, and he would have died.

Light Yagami had still managed to almost kill him, despite everything. If not for Touta Matsuda's marksmanship and quick reactions, Near would be dead.

He felt cold and numb. The only feeling he could discern at all was some kind of vague, indistinguishable emotion located somewhere around the area of his stomach, but the only label he could think to place it under was 'nausea.'

He hadn't eaten anything well over 24 hours. He didn't feel hungry, and he felt like if he tried to eat something he'd only vomit it back up.

The only thing he felt like he might be able to hold down was chocolate.

The case was closed and Kira was dead, but nobody had smiled about it. Nobody had smiled, or laughed, or breathed a sigh of relief, or said much of anything at all.

They'd just caught the mass murderer that had been terrorizing the world for years, but the only emotion in the warehouse was a heavy fog of despondency. Everyone's expressions were grim.

Kira was slumped dead at the Shinigami Ryuk's feet, and his dying screams were still echoing in all their ears, the air filled with the copper stench of his blood, the scarlet puddled and smeared on the floor.

Near had felt pleased when he'd gotten Light Yagami to confess to being Kira—when he'd successfully proved that L had been right—but the pleasure had drained away all too quickly, gone completely even before Light Yagami had spiraled into pain and desperation, terrified and insane and pathetic.

Near thought that maybe he should've been pleased, to see Kira brought so low. Surely Mello would have pleased. Would L have been pleased? Near didn't know. All he knew was that it had been painful, to see Kira like that, and nobody else was celebrating, either.

"We'll take care of this," Aizawa had said, after several minutes of stillness and silence, the only sound the slow fwoosh, fwoosh of the warehouse's ventilation fan, the blades spinning steady and rhythmic.

"Understood," Near had said. "Ryuk, will everyone who touched the notebooks die if we burn them?"

'No,' the Shinigami had said. 'That rule was fake.'

"Then would you mind giving me the notebook you have, Aizawa?" Near had said. "We'll burn them right here."

The Death Notes had burned just like any normal notebooks, the same way Kira had died just like any normal human being. For all the Death Notes' godly powers, and for all Light Yagami's godly ambitions, none of them had truly had anything godly about them. Just more examples of burnable paper and flawed humanity.

How Light Yagami had believed he could actually change humanity was something that Near didn't understand. Only an insane person could so devoutly believe something so vain (in both senses of the word).

Kira was dead, and the world would go back to being just like it had been before Kira's rule, which would be proof enough that Kira's ideals were impossibilities.

Kira's ideals could never have been justice—justice could not be something impossible. Justice had to be something reasonable; something workable, something realistic.

Near had long wondered what it had been like for L, to stand as an icon of justice, and what he'd felt about that. "It's not a sense of justice," L had said, and watching Kira die Near had understood more than ever before why L must have felt that way—there was absolutely nothing satisfying about justice.

He was perfectly fine letting the Japanese Task Force take care of Light Yagami's corpse—he wanted nothing to do with Kira anymore.

All he'd asked was that they tell him where the original L was buried.

So there he was, standing in front of an unmarked headstone with a breeze chilling his skin and the sun sinking low behind him and casting his shadow across the grave.

 _L…_

He wasn't really sure, anymore, whether he'd succeeded or failed at upholding L's legacy.

He fingered the scrap of bloodied paper with the letter and couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he'd died. With both Mello and him gone, who would have taken over the position of L? Would there have been anyone to do so, or would L's legacy have ended with him?

"That can't be sanitary, you know."

Near glanced to the side, just enough to see Commander Rester's figure out of the corner of his eyes. It was just the two of them; Lidner and Gevanni had had their own business to take care of, and they'd had no reason to visit the original L's gravesite.

The only reason Commander Rester was there was to accompany Near.

"You're right," he said, and folded the scrap of bloodied paper back into his pocket. "I'll burn it once we get back to headquarters."

The sun was sinking slowly lower, his shadow growing longer, stretching over more and more of L's grave.

"Near…"

"Yes?"

"Why did you lie?"

The wind brushed cold across his face, making a hushing sound in his ears. "To whom? About what? You're going to have to be more specific."

"Why did you lie to Kira and everyone else about Mello's role, and about suspecting that the notebook Mikami had was fake?"

Near reached up to curl his hair around his fingers, watching his shadow mirror the movement, dark against the blank gray headstone lit brilliantly in the sinking sun (dark against the stone like the Black Cloister L had been dark against blank white puzzle pieces—).

 _Why did I lie about that? That's a good question…_

Maybe it was because he'd wanted to give Mello the amount of credit he deserved (because he wasn't comfortable taking the credit for everything that L and Mello had done, as if it had been just him—because he'd wanted to make it clear just how much he owed to Mello, as a way to show his gratitude, even if he had to lie in order to impart that truth).

Or maybe it was because he didn't want Light Yagami to know that he'd suspected his plan of switching the notebook (the way Yagami had set the plan into action months ahead of time, had known Near's plan before Near had even come up with it—it was the same exact way that Yagami had beaten L—Yagami had bested the best, and maybe Near wanted to show, in some way, that he respected that.)

Or maybe it was because he'd related to Light Yagami, in some inexplicable way, and he thought that if he left Light Yagami's pride as intact as possible then it wouldn't have hurt him so much to see (the way Light Yagami's eyes had been crying 'What did I do wrong?!' and it had hurt—it had hurt because Near knew that feeling, knew the overwhelming agony of it, and he'd thought that if he let Light Yagami keep a semblance of pride then he wouldn't have to see his own nightmares reflected on a mass murderer's face).

Or maybe it was because Light Yagami was panicking, and he thought that if he left Light Yagami's pride as intact as possible then there wouldn't be any more deaths (he'd thought that if Light Yagami could keep an idea of 'I did everything that I could as well as it could possibly have been done' then he'd be able to stay calm, hold his head up, and let himself be confined, without resorting to desperate attempts to kill anyone that would result in someone having to shoot him, because Near hadn't wanted him to die—L had died, Matt had died, Mello had died, countless others had died, and Near was tired of dealing with all that death. He'd just wanted to the case to be closed as cleanly as possible).

Or maybe he hadn't felt like Light Yagami, liar that he was, deserved to hear the real truth (all the lies that Yagami had told, the lies he'd killed people with—it was only right that he died believing in his opponent's lies as well).

Or maybe it was because he wanted to make it seem like he and Mello had really surpassed L together (to hide how much he felt like a failure even though he'd won; to convince everyone that because of him and Mello L had still won; to convince everyone and himself that L and Mello weren't losers just because they'd died without solving the case; to rub Kira's failure in his face using his hatred of L; to rub Kira's failure in his face using some semblance of superiority; to try to make himself feel better while simultaneously hurting Kira as much as possible).

Or maybe it was because he didn't want Lidner, Gevanni, or anyone else to know that he'd known what was really going on and had essentially used Mello as a tool to solve the puzzle (he'd essentially been manipulating Mello by letting Lidner give him only certain information, and it was highly possible that, if he'd given Mello all the information he'd had, Mello wouldn't have died).

Or maybe it was because he didn't want Lidner, Gevanni, or anyone else to realize what his original plan had been (that he'd been planning on letting himself be killed just to try to prove that he was right, just to prove to try to prove that he was as willing to risk his life as L and Mello—that he was so pathetic as to crave approval like a child; that he thought so little of himself that the only way he could think of to make up for all his flaws was to sacrifice himself).

But none of those reasons made any kind of logical sense. And none of them felt any less or more true than the others—which couldn't be possible since some of them completely contradicted each other.

Maybe they were all lies he was telling himself because he couldn't face whatever the real truth was.

Or maybe he'd really just lied completely on a whim, for absolutely no reason at all, and was only now trying to fabricate some kind of reason, some kind of explanation, except that there wasn't one.

But Commander Rester had been the only person to know all of Near's plans—to know the whole truth—and had still stuck with him and followed his orders.

So Commander Rester, if anyone, deserved to hear the truth from him.

Near let go of his hair, lowering his hand, and told the truth: "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Yes, I honestly have no idea why I lied." A chilly gust of wind made him shiver, and he stuffed his cold hands into his pockets, hunching his shoulders. "It doesn't make any sense for me to have done so, does it? I made a decision, but I can't make sense of it." The cross on L's headstone chopped his shadow into jagged pieces. "It actually greatly disturbs me."

The sunlight was a deep golden-bronze behind him, warm on the back of his neck. In the distance there was the rustling sound of the breeze winding its way through tree branches.

He heard Commander Rester exhale softly, saw out of the corner of his eye the man's posture relax ever so subtly beside him. "That's normal, Near. Everyone does things at times for reasons they can't comprehend."

The sun slipped below the horizon behind them, and his own shadow disappeared as everywhere around them was tinted in the same dark shade of gray. He shivered at the absence of the sunlight's warm rays on his skin. "If you say so…"

"I've trusted you for all this time, Near. So trust me when I tell you that everyone does that."

"Yes…" The cool wind was tickling his hair against his face, making his nose itch, and he removed a hand from his pocket to scratch the sensation away.

"So what now?"

Near returned his hand to his pocket, staring at L's grave without really seeing it. "Now? We go back to America."

The sky was indigo above him when he looked up. "Or… I go back to America, at least. The SPK's purpose has been fulfilled, so technically it no longer exists, and you have no obligation to follow my orders any longer."

He curled his hands in his pockets, lowering his gaze back to L's grave, the cross that had been previously illuminated nearly white in the sunlight now a dark gray against the lights of the city behind it.

"But nonetheless, I would appreciate it if you'd accompany me. At least for the flight… and maybe back to somewhere where I can set up some kind of headquarters…" He hunched his shoulders against the wind chilling his skin and the anxiety tightening his chest, and admitted: "I'm afraid of getting lost."

Commander Rester shifted in his peripheral. "Near, I've stuck with you this long, I'm not leave now just because the Kira Case is over." His tone had a warm quality about it, like the sunlight that had disappeared behind the curve of the Earth. "I would be honored to continue to work with you."

Near looked down at the bricks at his feet. In the shadow of evening, they no longer looked red. "Thank you, Rester."

"Kira's gone, so you don't need to use my alias anymore. My real last name is Carter."

"Very well." Near shivered as a gust of wind raised goosebumps on his skin.

"Are you ready to go, Near?"

Near stared at the unmarked headstone in front of him. It was just a grave marker, but it was taller than he was.

It was also the closest he'd ever be to L.

"Yes," he said. He turned to Commander Carter, forcing himself himself to meet the man's eyes. "I'm ready to go."

Commander Carter nodded, and they started walking along the path, Near casting one last glance at L's grave over his shoulder before turning away again.

"Commander Carter…"

"Yes?"

"Can we stop somewhere first…?" His gaze was down, his fingers curling in his hair. "I think I'd like to buy a bar of chocolate."

Their footsteps were loud in the indigo-drenched, death-touched evening, tombstones all around them like silently-staring soldiers standing at solemn, statuesque attention over their buried, rotting corpses.

Every procession through the graveyard must have felt like a fresh funeral.

"…Okay."

The breeze was picking up, dragging its icy nails into his skin, and he shifted slightly closer to Commander Carter as they walked. It made him feel slightly warmer.

It was later, when they'd returned to the headquarters they'd been using in order to remove their equipment in preparation for heading back to the States, and Near was peeling back the crinkling gold foil of the chocolate bar that Commander Carter asked: "Was he your friend?"

Near had been trying to carefully peel back the foil without tearing it, but then figured that Mello wouldn't have bothered to do so, and instead pulled the foil back roughly. It tore just like paper (just like the pages of the Death Note). "He hated me."

Near's eyes traced over the pattern of small rectangles carved into the chocolate; he counted columns of four with his eyes, rows of six with his fingers. Twenty-four altogether. Another month, and that was how many years Light Yagami would have lived; four more than Mello had. (How old had L been when he'd died?)

Commander Carter was quiet. Near could feel the stare of his eyes. (They were blue, but lighter than Mello's had been, less intense.)

Near stared at the chocolate, images of Mello snapping similar bars between his teeth playing out in his mind. "I always considered him to be a friend, though… Or at least, the closest thing I ever had to one."

Their rivalry had been all he'd had in terms of relationships, really. So he'd liked to think that somehow they'd still been friends, even despite the hatred… "I wonder if L felt the same way about Kira…"

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Commander Carter stiffen in surprise. There almost seemed to be indignation in his tone when he said: "I'm sure that was different. You and Mello grew up together, so it makes sense that you would still care about each other even if you were rivals. But Kira and L were always enemies." There was a slight pause, and then a decided-sounding: "Kira killed him."

"Yes…" _And I essentially killed Mello, didn't I?_ He turned the chocolate bar over in his hands, almost afraid to try eating it. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. They're all dead."

"Yes…"

Near brought the chocolate bar to his lips. "I guess that means I'm L now… "

"Yes."

Near experimentally bit off a piece of the chocolate. The snap as it broke was a pleasing sensation, and the flavor melted over his tongue—smooth, silky, and sweet, soothing the sting of Mello's death and the ache of Kira's unsatisfying defeat like a balm.

 _How bitter was your life that you had to constantly smother the taste of it with chocolate, Mello?_

Near took another bite, the chocolate snapping between his teeth, and wondered if L had ever felt bitter like that, too.

(Somehow, though, he couldn't shake the feeling that L must have enjoyed solving cases in a way that neither he nor Mello ever had, and it left him feeling inadequate and hollow.)

(But maybe, eventually, once he'd solved enough cases, he would feel that same kind of confidence and satisfaction that L must have felt…)

(Until then, though, he'd just have to carry on—no matter what—and try his very hardest to be L.)

(It was all he knew how to do, anyway.)

* * *

At one point it had finally occurred to L, as he'd contemplated the existence of his successors one night he'd sat awake in the dark with a sleeping Light Yagami chained to his wrist, that Watari had never thought he would die on a case.

No, it simply didn't make any sense for him to think that L would come across a case that would get him killed when he'd always stayed safely behind the scenes, nor that he could create successors who were better than L and could take up his mantle when he failed.

Nor did it make sense to think that Watari had started creating his successors for when he died of old age, as they were barely over a decade younger than himself.

No—the only possibility was that Watari had expected him to commit suicide during one of the lengthy periods between cases.

He knew that Watari got scared during those periods, when he got to the point he couldn't come up with any further ideas to quell the boredom (when learning new languages, catching up on scientific readings, practicing capoeira—when none of it _helped_ anymore) and became so depressed he barely moved; so it made much more sense to think that Watari thought he could create successors who weren't quite so obsessed, weren't quite so unstable—successors who didn't have as high of standards for the cases they took.

L had watched Light Yagami's face, serene in slumber—how could a mass murderer sleep so peacefully?—and thought that perhaps Watari had been wise to create successors for him.

Because after he solved this case, after he proved that Light Yagami—brilliant, dangerous Light Yagami—was Kira, he wasn't sure he'd ever find another case that interested him. And to live out the rest of his life depressed and bored out of his mind…

Yes, he probably would have killed himself.

So as much as he resented his successors, as much as he resented Watari for their existence, maybe—maybe Watari had been wise.

* * *

 **END.**

* * *

 **AN:** So yeah. For a story that was supposed to be a one-shot, this one became pretty monstrous. And if nothing else, writing this story saved me from a summer of ennui-induced depression...

I do hope you enjoyed it, though.

And again, if you have any questions - or if you're just curious and interested in any of the research I did while writing this story - I encourage you to refer to the following chapter of author notes, which contains explanations for many of my choices along with various bits of information that I found while researching for this story which I found interesting. (If, after reading the author notes, you still have questions, then feel free to message me. But I would appreciate it if you'd check to see if your question is answered there first.)

And in case you're curious about anything, here's a list a several of the topics I cover in my author notes:

\- Near's characterization/my interpretation of Near as being on the autism spectrum

\- Near and Mello's misunderstandings/general differences between how autistics and neurotypicals think/feel/perceive the world

\- Mello's characterization

\- Matt's characterization

\- Information on what it takes to be a detective and L's answers to the Wammy's kids' questions

\- Near's anxiety (and the reason for the mention of anti-depressants in the second chapter)

\- Information about riot squad gear

\- The relationship between Near and Commander Rester

\- Information about burn injuries

\- Why I had Near and Mello figure out that Light switched the notebook

\- Why my version of Near was so suspicious about Mikami

Among other things, lol. The notes are organized by the chapter the information pertains to, and each note is labeled with a bold header/title to try to make things orderly and easy to find. There is, admittedly, kind of a lot of information - especially about autism, because there are a lot of misconceptions out there and I wanted to try to help disprove some of the stereotypes and explain some of how autism works - but I happen to like sharing information that I find interesting, so I hope you'll take the time to read it, and that you'll find it interesting/informative.


	6. Notes

**Author Notes for Chapter 1: ****_L's shadows_**

* * *

 _ **On Near's Characterization, and On Autism in General**_

I think I should start with that I interpret Near (and L) as having ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and Mello (and Light) as being neurotypical (NT) (a neutral term that generally seems to only be used in connection with autism to mean "non-autistic"), and I view much of the conflict between Near and Mello as being due to misunderstandings caused by the different ways they think.

And I know I'm not the only one to have interpret Near as being on the autism spectrum, but the other portrayals I've seen on this site have been, for the most part, incredibly stereotypical. (TzviaAriella's _Noel_ series has a pretty good portrayal of Near as autistic, though.)

Anyways, I wanted to write a more balanced/realistic/nuanced portrayal of autism. So I did some research, which included reading _Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism_ by Temple Grandin, _Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism_ by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron, and _A Field Guide to Earthlings: An Autistic/Asperger View of Neurotypical Behavior_ by Ian Ford.

All three of them are highly interesting books, and I recommend giving them a read if you're interested in the subject. However, I do have some misgivings/disclaimers about the books:

1) Temple Grandin likes to wax poetic about the 50's and has some views about certain things - like video games - that I considered to be false and outdated. And she really likes cows, which I'm not interested in, so I did actually skim a lot of her writing for what I found to be actually relevant information, because I felt like a lot of it wasn't and I actually found a lot of it to be pretty annoying.

2) Based on reviews of _Unwritten Rules_ , some people find the switching format of the book confusing, and don't like the way the book tries to explain the unwritten rules of the NT world - which you'd think should be directed at people on the spectrum - to NTs, who are the book's target audience and already understand how all the social stuff works. Personally I didn't find the format confusing, but I do definitely agree with this second point - it made for a very odd read.

 _3) A Field Guide to Earthlings_ has gotten a lot of very good reviews by people on the spectrum or people who know people on the spectrum who found it incredibly helpful - I certainly did - but apparently can be a bit difficult of a read for those who aren't on the spectrum or don't really know anyone who is.

So the books are hardly perfect, and there are probably better ones out there, and definitely ones written by people on the autism spectrum who have had very different experiences. It's just that these three are the ones I've read at this point. I tried to get what I could out of them, though. And there probably aren't any books that someone somewhere doesn't have some kind of complaint or misgiving about, since no one book can properly cover all the different experiences that all the individuals on the autism spectrum have.

I'll try to summarize some of what I've learned here - but like everything to do with the human brain, it's all terribly confusing, and we don't actually know very much, so you're going to have to forgive me if this explanation is a bit of a mess. (I feel more confident about writing both autistic and neurotypical individuals after reading the aforementioned books as well as looking at various websites, but not necessarily about explaining how it seems to work. In my explanations, though, I'll be using 'NT' as a convenient abbreviation for 'neurotypical' - though unfortunately I couldn't find a convenient abbreviation for 'individuals on the autism spectrum,' and I'm still confused about some of the terminology, so I have to keep typing that out... please bear with me.)

Also, our understanding of ASD - which will probably go through a few more different name changes - is no doubt going to change in coming years, so I should probably note here for posterity's sake that I'm writing all this in 2017, just in case someone comes across this story in a few years and goes "WTF this is so outdated!" So these author note explanations are only what I understand of what people currently - in 2017 - understand about all this. If you're reading this several years from now and thinking "WTF this is so outdated!" please, rather than feeling upset about how little we knew at this time, instead feel satisfaction that humanity's understandings have deepened/evolved.

Anyways. I'll start with quotes from Ford's working definition of autism, though, which begins with the root of autism and then explains the way it develops in terms of the roots, and I'll try to explain some things as well.

1\. Ford's first point is that "The root difference is that the autistic person develops a type of brain that admits natural _unfiltered_ stimuli and does not filter it (as much) using cultural meaning. The person does not become desensitized, and continues to see and hear and touch the world in a more direct way than NT adults do, because the symbolic filtering doesn't protect the senses against the world."

'Desensitization' is a process where the brain learns to filter out extraneous stimuli - it's not a deadening of the actual senses themselves, only a development of how the brain processes the information it gets. The brains of NT individuals undergo this process as they grow up, but people on the autism spectrum don't/do so to a lesser degree. Which is why, for someone on the autism spectrum, walking by blaring speakers and bright flashing lights tends to be incredibly painful and make coherent thought nigh impossible - their brain doesn't filter as much of it out, so they become overwhelmed by all the sensory input they're receiving - while NT individuals, because their brains filter out a lot of that sensory input, tend not to have problems with loud music and bright lights, and can even carry out conversations during and feel energized by the experience. Even a trip to the grocery store, though, can be overwhelming for some individuals on the autism spectrum.

The reduced desensitization that happens in autistic brains is also why individuals on the spectrum tend to take longer to respond during conversations, since it takes longer to filter through all the sensory input they're receiving and then respond accordingly.

From what I gathered, by "symbolic filtering" Ford is saying that, for example, an NT individuals sees a cat and then thinks 'cat' or 'orange tabby cat' or something along those lines, thus reducing the input to that one word/symbol and their mind moves on and can switch quickly to another task. While for someone on the autism spectrum, since their brains don't do this kind of symbolic filtering, may see that same cat but doesn't immediately filter it as a 'cat,' but rather see all the details - the pointed ears, the slitted eyes, the color of those eyes, the length and color of the fur, the lithe way it moves, the way its muscles ripple beneath its fur, the way its whiskers twitch, the triangular shape of its nose, the shape of its face, the way its ears and tail twitch, the soft _thump_ as it leaps from the counter to the floor, the way it coils itself before and after its leap - and may only after taking in all those details mentally label it as a 'cat,' so it takes longer and they become distracted for a few moments.

2\. Ford's second point is that "As a result of the root difference, the person is considered overly _sensitive_ in typical NT environments, and learns to manage it by shutting down or other techniques. The autistic's stims and 'problem behaviors' could mainly be side effects of being overwhelmed."

"Stims," or the act of stimming (which is short for "self-stimulation") is the repetition of physical movements, sounds, or repetitive movement of objects common in individuals on the autism spectrum in order to calm themselves. For example, the way Near plays with his hair. (Hopefully I showed in the story how that helps Near to concentrate and calm down.)

3\. Ford's third point is that "The person doesn't develop _language_ or develops a lower dependency on language, because their inputs are direct, language isn't needed as a tool of perception, and the feedback between language, gesture, and all other cultural symbols to their perception is not developed. This helps explain the basic communication problems."

For example, when Near as a child was told to "clean up his toys," he may have not understood what his parents meant. So he may have, for example, cleaned the toys themselves, rather than putting them away as his parents probably intended, since the wording was vague and didn't specify. So while NT individuals may find that context changes the meaning of certain words/phrases for them, people on the autism spectrum may not have this same sense of context-dependent meaning.

This point (along with being overwhelmed by sensory input) also pertains to how people on the autism spectrum tend to have trouble reading body language, and/or understanding that body language is a way that people communicate and can be as important, if not more so, than what's actually being said.

As such, people on the autism spectrum may not act with the same awareness of body-language messages the way NT individuals do; for example, an autistic individual might look down because the carpet has an interesting design, and that might be all there is to it, and they wouldn't realize that NT individuals may interpret them as being sad since looking down can be a cultural symbol of being sad. But NTs, since they tend to be aware of such things, might, when they want others to think/know that they're sad, look down on purpose in order to send that message, which other NTs would then pick up on - but an autistic individual wouldn't. So this is why Near didn't understand that, to Mello, he was coming off as condescending when he wouldn't look at him, or why he wouldn't realize he was coming off as bored when he was stimming - he simply doesn't interpret such actions in the same meaning-laden way.

However, it should be noted that the misunderstanding goes two ways - Mello also, because he interprets such actions differently from Near, didn't understand that Near was actually just trying to focus, not trying to be condescending or anything. So people on the autism spectrum don't actually "have less capacity for empathy" as you'll see stated in certain places - it's simply difficult for people on the spectrum to understand NTs since they think differently. And NT individuals have the same difficulties understanding autistics as autistics have understanding NTs - it just so happens that, since the majority of the human population is NT, they're the ones setting the standards for what empathy is 'supposed' to be.

4\. Ford's fourth point is that "With a lower use of language, the person develops cognitive _independence_ , and does not follow the herd. This results in being 'in their own world' or noncomforming. If the conformance is very low, the person will be less able to learn from others, and will acquire a smaller generalized base of experience and knowledge, making it less possible for them to live independently. However, the cognitive independence can lead them into special interests which they can learn a lot about."

I'm actually still kinda confused on this point and how exactly it works. But I think part of it is that people on the autism spectrum don't pick up social knowledge the way NT individuals do - they don't have the same "belief webs" (basically, the culture NTs absorb through watching and interacting with others around them). So, for example, they tend not to pick up on fashion trends, because, while they may see that a lot of the people around them are wearing a similar style of clothes, they don't really understand why that is, so don't really feel inclined to follow suit because they perceive it as not applying to themselves in any way.

But this way of thinking/processing also tends to apply for general social knowledge as well, since for many on the spectrum it's utterly baffling how NTs can seem to sort through so many social rules to come to the conclusion about what's the correct thing to do or say in a given situation - except that NTs aren't actually following rules; they're simultaneously processing all aspects of an interaction - words, tone, body language, and what's going on around them - and acting based on the overall meaning of all that as filtered through their belief webs. But since people on the spectrum don't/can't really do that so much, since their brains are wired differently, they may also not as easily pick up on social behaviors necessary for living independently such as how to come off favorably to others (in terms of friends, dates, job interviews, etc.).

But this disinclination/inability/partial inability to conform to group trends/behaviors means people on the spectrum may pursue their own interests even though it's not what anyone else around them might be interested in - for example, L's interest in solving criminal cases.

5\. Ford's fifth point is that "The long term effects of being _outnumbered_ by NTs include (a) the person has little or no opportunity to be with others on their own terms, and thus fails to mature in interpersonal skills or depth; and (b) the person is judged and coerced constantly by NTs, which is perceived as bashing; thus self-esteem falters, leading to chronic stress, anxiety, and depression."

For example, Near's self-esteem issues, believing himself to be a horrible person, and why he has trouble connecting to the other Wammy's kids even though they have shared interests.

In summary of Ford's definition: "autism is _unfiltered perception leading to high sensitivity, low acculturation, and cognitive independence."_ Ford also adds that "I see the other 'symptoms' listed by psychologists as side effects of that basic difference," and that "Common understanding of autism glosses over the difference between acculturation and socialization, saying only that autistics have _social_ deficits. It is more accurate to say that autistics have low acculturation (we assimilate and conform less). While we don't engage in the socializing pattern [...] as much as NTs, we might have as much of a need for connection to others as anyone else does."

And that was the simplest explanation/definition I could find. (I know, right? Human brains are crazy complicated.)

It really is biology, though - there have been some general differences found between NT and autistic brains, the gist of which is that some areas autistic brains are larger than in NT individuals, some are smaller, some areas of autistic brains are less connected than in NT individuals, while other areas are more connected, and there's a great deal of variation in the particulars of which areas those are. (Brains are confusing.)

* * *

 _ **On the Emotion/Logic Conflict between Near and Mello, Near's Characterization, L's Characterization, and Other Related Information**_

Anyways, though, to try to help explain the reason for the emotion/logic conflict between Mello and Near (it does take a little while to get there though, so please be patient):

Both Ford and Grandin put forth the theory that in neurotypical individuals, emotions and logic are basically intertwined into one inextricable whole, while that's not the case for autistic individuals. Grandin also has a theory that at one end of the autism spectrum (which I imagine visually as being the left) you have individuals who are more ruled by logic, and may have less 'emotional relatedness' (desire to have social/emotional connections with others, such as the desire for love and acceptance, etc.). This side of the spectrum would be where Grandin falls. Then on the other side (which visually I imagine as being the right) you have individuals who are more ruled by emotion, which can involve intense emotional reactions and deep empathy, and which is where Barron falls. And you'll see, if you read Grandin and Barron's book, that, while they're both autistic, they have very different perspectives/feelings/ways of thinking. (For all the shortcomings of _Unwritten Rules,_ I did think it was great to read their different experiences, and to have both their experiences combined into one book so that readers can't get the idea that people on the autism spectrum are all the same.)

So in my interpretation of Near, I drew on material from both Grandin and Barron's anecdotes (well, mostly Barron's, actually) - as well as my own experiences.

...Okay, I hate talking about myself in author notes, but I'm going to have to a little bit here. Please forgive me. I promise I'll keep short, though.

Basically, after my research, I have concluded that I'm likely on the autism spectrum myself. Which I've actually somewhat suspected ever since hearing the theory that L has Asperger's, given how many of L's eccentricities/habits/issues I relate to, but I hesitated to diagnosis myself on so little information. However, when I read the three books about autism I mentioned, as well as several websites, I realized that I really relate to a lot of what was said about/by autistics, while everything about NTs was somewhat shocking to me. And it made a lot of stuff about my life that had previously baffled me make a lot more sense. (I'm guessing I'm somewhere more near the Asperger's side of the spectrum - and many other Aspies are actually diagnosed as adults rather than children, if they're diagnosed at all - and given the sheltered way I grew up it makes sense I would never have realized before this. I mean, it's not that I didn't suspect that there was something a bit different about me, I just always attributed it to being 'slightly crazy'.)

So even though I haven't gotten an official diagnosis or anything, I'm going to assume here that I am somewhere on the spectrum, because the only other reason I could think of for why I relate so much more to how autistics think than to how most people/NTs think is that there's been some huge collusion between therapists/doctors/autistics/what-have-you in order to mislead and confuse people. Which I find to be a highly unlikely possibility. In fact, I'm about 99.03% sure it's not the case. So I'm going to assume that my own experiences represent the experiences of exactly one particular individual on the autism spectrum. But that I have some experiences/ways of thinking that are somewhat similar to some experiences/ways of thinking of some others on the spectrum as well.

And that's quite enough about me. I just wanted to explain that, because in my explanations I'm going to be drawing from my own experiences as examples. It's also why I'm more hesitant in my statements about how NT minds work than autistic minds, since I understand the latter much more, and feel more confident explaining how they work since I can corroborate some/a lot of it with my own experiences, while for explanations on the ways NT minds work I'm going almost entirely off what I've read, corroborated only slightly from what I've managed to observe. So the way I think is much more similar to the way I've portrayed Near as thinking than how Mello thinks.

And, while it might seem kinda strange for me to need to define how NT minds work - since most of you are probably not on the autism spectrum, given that the majority of humans aren't - but 1) I'd feel weird trying to define what it means to be autistic without also trying to define what it means to be neurotypical, since what it means to be one or the other is basically determined by the differences between them; 2) in case any of readers also happen to be on the autism spectrum and have been confused about some of these things as well and might possibly find any of this helpful; and 3) because I find it strange that, while I could find lots of explanations of what being autistic entails - both written from an NT perspective as well an autistic perspective - there were next to no explanations of what being neurotypical entails. (I guess because everyone just kinda assumes that everyone should know what being neurotypical entails? But obviously, not everyone does...)

Honestly, though, the only explanation I could find of how NT minds work was _A Field Guide to Earthlings,_ which was written by someone on the spectrum. I couldn't find any explanation of how NT minds work written by an NT individual. But if it feels weird to hear somebody who doesn't totally understand the way you think try to explain to you the way that you think, just think what it must feel like to people on the spectrum to read/hear NTs try to explain how they think...

I honestly am not trying to offend anybody, on or off the autism spectrum, with anything I'm writing here, though. I'm just trying to help explain some of why there seem to be so many misunderstandings.

So, to go back a little bit though, obviously there's a ton of very different people on the autism spectrum (just as people who are NT are also very different - though since 'NT' is basically the center of the bell-curve of human minds, the variance in 'NT' brain wiring/ways of thinking is less than it is on the autism spectrum, given that the autism spectrum is one one side of the bell-curve going all the way out to the outliers, so there's a much larger range. I'm not entirely sure what's on the other side of the bell-curve, but it's been suggested that the other side is people who filter even more/up to practically everything in words/symbols and process even less/up to no raw sensory input [people in the 'NT' part of the bell-curve having a relatively equal balance between filtering and receiving raw sensory input, or something like that]).

It might be somewhat useful to think of ASD both as a spectrum of symptoms as well as a gradation of severity (though Ford says that it's not really a spectrum so much as a landscape - but I'm bowing to the needs of clarity and simplicity on this, because this is just a humble fanfiction - I'm sure NT individuals could also be placed on some kind of gradation spectrum too, though, if anyone felt so inclined). On the more severe level you get individuals who can barely function due to sensory issues (which is where you get the stereotype of autistic individuals screaming and banging their heads against walls - so while it's not that individuals with those issues don't exist, they also don't at all represent the majority of people on the autism spectrum), and on a less severe level you get individuals like Albert Einstein, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Sir Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Michaelangelo, Thomas Jefferson, etc. (all historical figures on which accounts have been found that seem to suggest they may very well have been on the autism spectrum - and of course they're all famous for something, since the only members of the deceased that society remembers are the famous ones). There are also many current celebrities that have spoken publicly about being on the autism spectrum, though - who you may not even have guessed were on the spectrum if you didn't know that they were - and have some pretty interesting stories, if you're ever interested in learning more (and of course there are lots of inspiring stories you can find about people on the autism spectrum who aren't famous/celebrities, too - I'm just pointing to well-known/famous individuals because, since it's easier to/more people 'know' them, they can be especially useful for helping to break stereotypes).

As far as my characterization in this story goes, I see L as being pretty far to the 'left' of the spectrum, while Near is a little more to the 'right,' and thus actually has more emotional relatedness than L does. Which would be why L doesn't really care what anyone thinks of him - for L, like Temple Grandin, he is what he does, and so solving cases is more important to him than anything else (hence why he becomes so depressed when he doesn't have a case) - and why he doesn't really feel much of a connection to the Wammy orphans; while Near, on the other hand, does care very deeply about what people think and wants people to like him, and feels more emotional pain for others (such as Mello - and even Light a little bit, as you see later in this story). I also see Near as being more anxious than L is - which is probably partly the environment he lived in growing up (I pulled a lot of inspiration from Sean Barron's anecdotes), as well as just a difference in brain chemistry.

So yes - individuals on the autism spectrum are all different, and what I portray of L and Near is not in any way supposed to represent all, or even most, people on the spectrum.

For those of us with less emotional relatedness (I seem to be one of them), however, it's not that we don't feel or don't care about people - we just do so in a different way. (I mean, I think it's pretty obvious that I have empathy - if I didn't have empathy then I wouldn't be able to write from different characters' points of view, now would I?)

One of the ironies though is that, while autistics are sometimes interpreted as being sociopathic since they don't emote in ways that most people can read, people on the autism spectrum actually tend feel things more intensely than NTs, since they tend to feel in an unfiltered way, and may often become overwhelmed by those emotions - though they may also tend to cycle through their emotions faster - while NTs are better at moderating their emotions, but also tend to hold onto them for longer.

So I think that Near's perception of Mello as emotional comes from the fact that Near's emotions are so overwhelming that he can hardly think coherently when he's feeling them, so it's necessary to him to try to extricate himself from them before making any kind of logical decisions/deductions, and because of this he doesn't understand how Mello can feel emotions and think coherently at the same time; while Mello's perception of Near as emotionless comes from the fact that Near doesn't really show much emotion (since he's so overhwelmed he basically shuts down), and since for Mello emotions and actions/reactions are linked, to him Near not showing emotion is the same as Near not feeling emotion.

So then Mello's perception of himself as being too emotional comes from/is reinforced by Near's and other's criticisms (since Mello does tend to take action in a way that's probably fairly frequently reprimanded), and Near's perception of himself as being a horrible person is reinforced by Mello's criticisms. And so then Near's desire to be a better person makes him try to help Mello more, and Mello interprets that as more criticisms which makes him criticize Near more, and it all becomes a vicious cycle...

Anyways - there's quite a bit of canon evidence that points to L and Near as being on the autism spectrum. I obviously can't explain everything too in-depth here (though it does look like I tried, doesn't it?) - and I obviously don't know everything, or even necessarily all that much, either - but hopefully you at least have a little bit better of an idea of how autistic (and/or NT) minds work now. There will be a little bit more in future author notes, but it won't be this extensive - I just needed to give some kind of overview here.

(You're going to have to forgive me if any of my explanations of NT thought processes are off-base - I don't completely understand it since I don't think in the same way, and, like I mentioned previously, I have been unable to find any accounts of how NT minds work written by an NT individual, so my explanations are mostly from what I gathered from reading _A Field Guide to Earthlings_. Some of the reviews for Ford's book though were from NT individuals who have a loved one on the autism spectrum, though, and found that this book really helped their loved one understand them better, so I assume there's a fair amount of truth in Ford's explanations.)

Please keep in mind, though, that these are some pretty sweeping generalizations - both about autistics as well as NTs. And my experiences obviously are not the same as everyone's on the spectrum. I seem to be part of the "'hidden autistic' phenomenon," as I found it called on aspiestrategy dot com, which basically means that I'm one of those people that, if I told many of the people that I know that I might possibly be on the autism spectrum, they probably wouldn't believe me - so, for example, I don't have any experience facing the kinds of stereotypes and judgments that people who are diagnosed with ASD as kids do.

And I'm still very new to all this - I basically didn't know _anything_ about autism before starting to research for this story, not even many of the stereotypes - and just because I've read three books on the subject does not make me anywhere near an expert. But I do feel inclined to try to explain what little I know as best as I can, to try to help clear up some of the stereotypes and misunderstandings that are out there as best as I can.

So, on one last note in this particular section: one of the stereotypes about autism, apparently, is that everyone on the spectrum is good at math. This is, of course, not the case. Some autistics are good at math, and some aren't, just like some NTs are good at bath and some aren't.

(I didn't actually even know about this stereotype until after writing this story and then realizing that I should probably actually look up what the stereotypes of autism are because I had no clue what they were and wanted to be able to address them to try to avoid being accused of stereotyping because the thought of being accused of that makes me incredibly anxious.)

So the reason I had Near be good at math and science - like every aspect of my interpretation of him - was not to be representative of autism, but - in this particular case at least - because I was going off my own experiences, and I've always been good at figuring out those subjects. Math, especially, has always been fun for me because it always felt like solving a puzzle, so I thought Near would like it as well. Like I portrayed with Near, though, I always had trouble understanding math when the teacher was explaining it, but, by reading over my notes or by reading the textbook, I've usually been able to figure out most of it myself. One year during middle school I actually didn't have a math class but taught myself algebra completely by textbook; so I figured that this would be perfectly within Near's capabilities, as well.

* * *

 _ **Briefly On Why The Author Wrote This Story**_

While part of my goal writing this story was indeed to try to show some of the misunderstandings that can occur between individuals who are NT and individuals on the autism spectrum (I do have a fair amount of experience with such misunderstandings, so a lot of the particulars of the interactions I portray actually are at least somewhat based off my own experiences), that's not the main/only goal of this story. The fact that Near is on the autism spectrum while Mello is neurotypical is just part of my interpretation of their characters - they just _happen_ to be that way; they are not defined by those facts.

So the main reasons I wrote this story are:

1) to make these characters deeper and more interesting and adding another layer to the _Death Note_ story; and

2) because I really wanted to write Near and Mello as their own persons - more than just 'inferior copies' of L - and to explore how they deal with the constant pressure and expectations of being L's successors.

So I hope you read Near and Mello's points of view in this story as them simply being Near and Mello - they're not meant to be anything more than that.

* * *

 _ **On Mello's Characterization**_

As for the parts in this story concerning Mello and self-harm, there's no canon evidence for that - that's just something I came up with when I was thinking about how to make Mello more interesting.

(While I really like Near and Mello now, I originally didn't because I thought they were boring, since it seemed as if Tsugumi Ohba just took L's character and split him in half, and gave have of his characteristics to Mello and half to Near... That was after watching the anime, though - after reading the manga I started to interpret a lot more depth to their characters. But the self-harm was an idea I had before that. I felt it would make him a more tortured/interesting/relatable character than the chocolate eating. So I wanted to tie the chocolate eating to something like that here, as well. It just makes it seem more real to me.)

And he just seems like a character with a lot of anger and hatred, so that he might get dark moments like that doesn't seem at all implausible.

And I haven't actually read he BB Murder Case novel - all I know about it is from BB's wikia page - so I don't know when, canonically, he was at Wammy's House versus when Mello was at Wammy's House. But I just thought it added an interesting element/detail if Mello knew them and was there when A killed himself and B left (though, in the story, he knows that B left, but he doesn't know that B became a murderer, because I imagine that's one case which Wammy's House wouldn't have received the information on, since it's probably something they'd want to keep on the down-low from basically everyone, and especially the other Wammy's kids).

Also I wanted Mello to have been at Wammy's House first because his hatred of Near seemed more to me like that of someone who'd been knocked down to second place than to someone who'd always been in second place. Yeah.

Honestly I just kinda go with my gut feeling on a lot of characterization stuff.

* * *

 _ **On Matt's Characterization**_

As for Matt - lol, I mean, all we get about him in canon is that he's a "young man who loves gaming and doesn't really care much about the world."

In this story, though, I'm using him as a kind of Ryuk-esque observer character - someone with an underlying state of eternal boredom with life - to offer a more objective/distanced perspective on Mello and Near's obsessions.

I know a lot of people in the fandom really love him, but he's not really that important of a character in this story, which is why there isn't much focus on him.

* * *

 _ **On Names**_

Anyways - names! Because names are interesting.

According to _Death Note 13: How to Read:_

 _The given name "Nate" comes from the word "natural," and "River" symbolizes that Near's talents flow from L. Therefore, Near is the natural successor to L. The name is "supposed" to show that Near is a "natural genius blessed from above." The nickname Near is composed of the first and last letters of_ **Na** _te Riv_ **er** _then swapped around to make a recognizable word._

So that's where I got how Near came up with the name Near - I wasn't being all clever and making that up myself, lol. And according to DN13 there wasn't any real reason for the nickname "Mello" - so, like many other people, I figured it would have had to come from "mellow," but since Mello's not a very mellow person... (if "Mello" had happened to be spelled with only one L I would definitely have made it come from "melodramatic," lol).

I do think it's interesting, though, that the given name "Nate" is usually a diminutive form of Nathan, which has a meaning of "He Gave," or Nathanial, which has a meaning of "Gift Of God", while Mihael could be an alternative spelling of the name "Michael," which means "Who Is Like God?" And given that they're both battling Kira/Light Yagami who's trying to become a god, I find it ironically fitting. So even if it was a complete accident on Tsugumi Ohba's part, I think it adds an interesting extra element.

Also, "Mail" is a pretty odd name - apparently it's supposed to be pronounced "Mile" - but then again, most of the names in _Death Note_ were made purposefully odd by Ohba because he wanted them to sound like they could be real names while also not being a name that anybody would actually have, since most of the characters die. (In which case maybe it's telling that "Nate River" is one of the names that somebody might actually have, since he doesn't die, while for "Mihael Keehl" neither of those names are listed on any name lists I could find, and Mello does die? Dunno. Also, though, apparently Takada Kiyomi was basically the only character with a normal name who died in the series, since Ohba didn't originally plan on killing her.)

Anyways - "Mail" could possibly be an alternate spelling for the French "Mael," which means "Chief, Prince" (and is actually pronounced more like the English "mile" than the English "mail"), but the meaning doesn't really add an interesting dimension to him or the story, so *shrug*

(Oh, and I used to think that nobody actually had a first name that was just "L," but I've actually recently met someone by the name of L. Not even kidding. Apparently it's actually a thing.)

* * *

 _ **On Wammy's House**_

Also - Wammy's House. Because how does one raise young children to become supersleuths?

So I had to do some research into what it actually takes to become a homicide detective. According to detectiveedu dot org:

...

 _A homicide detective is a valuable member of a police force that has significant experience in criminal investigations, as well as a college degree in an area related to the profession. Typical areas of study for homicide investigators include:  
\- Criminal justice_  
\- _Justice administration_  
\- _Criminal administration_  
\- _Police science_

 _In addition, given the often highly scientific nature of homicide detective jobs, it is now quite common for individuals interested in homicide investigations to pursue degrees in such areas as:  
\- Forensic science_  
\- _Forensics_  
\- _Forensic chemistry_  
\- _Crime scene investigations_

 _And because homicide investigators must often get into the minds of the criminals they pursue and understand their motivations and rationale, an associate's or bachelor's degree in psychology, criminology, and sociology may prove to be invaluable._

 _..._

The site also adds that:

 _The first step to becoming a homicide detective always involves securing a job as a police officer or sheriff's deputy and gaining experience in a patrol capacity for a number of years.  
The first years working as a criminal investigator are usually spent working in other areas of investigation, such as auto theft, robbery, and larceny. Given the highly complex and critical nature of homicide investigations, homicide detectives are usually among the most skilled and qualified members of a police department's investigations division._

Which makes sense, but I expect that the children of Wammy's House would be expected to bypass these first steps, lol. Especially since a lot of the duties of a homicide detective are ones that L doesn't actually do himself, but rather delegates to other people. A _lot_ goes into being a homicide detective.

I highly doubt that L actually got formal training in becoming a detective, and I doubt he would know how to do many of the more hands-on task involved in criminal investigations himself, but I couldn't figure out what other possible education Wammy's House could provide to create the new L aside from the aforementioned subjects, so. Yeah. And I figure Watari wasn't trying to create a successor who was just like L, but who was actually _better_ than L in some way.

And I do think that Wammy's House would likely have provided self-defense, since you'd have to know some kind of self-defense if you do go out into the field or somehow end up in a tight situation. And also L appears to have picked up capoeira somewhere (not that capoeira is likely to be the most helpful martial art to know if you expect to be dealing with criminals, lol - but it works fine for kicking Light in the face, so who cares?).

Also, according to detectiveedu dot org, one of the things it is common for detective recruits to receive training in is the use of firearms (which makes sense, lol), so I included that in the Wammy curriculum as well.

* * *

 _ **On "The Most Important Quality for a Detective to Have"**_

According to detectiveedu dot org, part of the personality profile for a homicide detective is as follows:

 _Being a homicide detective is not for the faint of heart. This physically, mentally, and often emotionally arduous profession can be highly gratifying and exciting, yet it can also be very stressful and trying.  
Homicide detectives may need to talk to grieving loved ones; they may need to examine and investigate gruesome scenes; and they may need to work in less-than-ideal circumstances or situations. The days are long and the nights are often longer, and as any homicide detective will tell you, mental strength is a prerequisite for the job._

So I figured L would glibly sum that up as "The ability to keep your food down," lol.

* * *

 _ **On L and Justice**_

L's speech about solving cases as a hobby rather than out of a sense of justice, though, was taken directly from Near's flashback in the post-series one-shot. So yeah, I didn't make that up for my own devices - I only used it for my own devices (pfft lol).

So yeah – I don't believe that L has any kind of a strong sense of justice (I don't believe that Near or Mello really do, either, for that matter, since they both seem to just be focused on becoming L. So out of the "main" characters in the series I'm pretty sure the only one who has a strong sense of justice is Light, lol).

* * *

 **Author Notes for Chapter 2: ****_L's afterimages_**

* * *

 _ **On L and his Resentment of his Successors**_

L is bitter, resentful, and petulant. Yup.

If it's hard for anyone to understand why L would be resentful about his successors, rather than wanting to help them, try imagining that there's someone you love very much who is literally the entire world to you; this person makes the world bright and exciting and worth living in, and when this person is gone you're completely empty and everything is dark and meaningless. This person is _everything_ to you—you would do _anything_ for the sake of this person, and you also know that you're the only one who could be with this person. _O_ _nly you can be everything this person needs._ This person is what makes you unique and special and _worth something._ Your entire self-worth is tied to this person.

And then imagine that, while you're still young and healthy and there's no indications whatsoever that you're going to die anytime soon, you're told that someone needs to replace you as this person's lover/partner/friend/companion/whatever after you die (and you'd always assumed that when you went down you and the person who means the world to you would go down together, since you can't even _fathom_ existence without this person, so it's never occurred to you that this person could exist without you, because you and this person might as well be two halves of the same whole).

And _then_ , just to rub that in even more, you're told you're supposed to _help_ this successor become more like you so that after your death they can be with the person who means the entire world to you.

(Think the song "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You" by Black Kids.)

And there's the fear that if you help this person, they might actually become better than you, and take this person who means the world from you away from you even before your death, and you'd lose everything that you love, everything that means anything at all to you—you'd have lost _everything_ , with no hope at all of regaining it.

So this is why L is resentful. Of course, it's not exactly the same kind of emotional attachment one might have to a person, but my point is that it's no less intense.

I used the example of loving another person to try to explain this intensity and the ensuing resentment, because I figured it would be a more relatable example of such feelings for most people, but it isn't exactly accurate. Because when your feelings are tied to another person and you're in fear of losing that person then the feeling is jealousy, but it's not really jealousy for L—it's a bit different because it's not "being replaced as the object of someone's affection" but _"being replaced as an entire person,_ " since L doesn't see "being L" as being any different from _being_ _who he is_.

So while for Watari, it's the same idea as "You're the President of the United States, so you need a Vice President in case anything happens to you," this isn't at all how it is for L— being L isn't a job or role or a responsibility to him. It's not something that needs to be upheld. It's his very _life_ —his very _self._

So being told that he needs a successor is the same thing to him as being asked to give up _who he is_ —it's an _invalidation of his entire existence_ and tantamount to saying "You don't mean anything to anyone—people may care about what you do but nobody cares about _you_ ," which is a distinction that L never would have made himself. Because to L _he is what he does,_ so people valuing what he does was always the same exact thing to him as people _valuing him as a person._ Which is why Watari telling him that he needs successors is the same to him as Watari telling him that "L isn't who you are—it's just the function you serve" and thus: "You're not a human being—you're just part of a machine."

So yes, he's incredibly bitter about having successors and being asked to help them.

So in my view, he loses some of the trust he had in Watari after Watari starts creating successors for him—but he can't really do anything about it because he still needs Watari and he still trusts Watari way more than he trust anybody else. Which is why he basically feels forced/threatened into acquiescing to Watari's demands on the subject of his successors, since Watari is the one who finds him cases/connects him to people, and without Watari he can't solve cases. So Watari could basically threaten not to do anything for him until he acquiesced, which is basically the same to L as threatening death, since solving cases is his life and without them he's nothing.

* * *

 _ **On Near's Anxiety and the Mention of Anti-Depressants**_

For some people with ASD, brain wiring causes anxiety to be intense and chronic - it's more biological than situational. For some of these individuals, very small doses of anti-depressants - smaller than used for NTs - can help reduce that anxiety. Which anti-depressant, and the exact doses, though, vary depending on the individual, and it requires extensive and careful research to find what works. Messing it up can lead to some pretty detrimental consequences. Temple Grandin is one of the individuals who testifies that it works, though, and there were a few other autistic individuals who wrote passages in _The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships_ who also found small doses of anti-depressants helpful.

Other things that can help people on the autism spectrum with anxiety, though, are diet changes (dairy-free and wheat-free apparently help some people) and exercise (which happens to be what I've always used to help with my own anxiety).

I kind of accidentally made Near anxious to such an extent that I realized it would probably be too difficult for him to work with the SPK (I may have based his anxiety pretty heavily on my own, and I certainly would not be able to handle working with a group like the SPK - I could barely handle group projects during high school, lol), so that's why he needed something to help with the anxiety. It just kind of happens that small doses of anti-depressants help some individuals on the spectrum, so it worked out.

* * *

 _ **On Mello, "The Darkness," and Feeling Insane**_

As for Mello, canonically he's definitely someone that other characters consider to be quite dangerous, and he definitely seems like he knows it. And, at least in my own experience, feeling dangerous is definitely an edge-of-insanity type of feeling, and I thought the paradoxical vulnerability that would give him made for an interesting nuance.

* * *

 _ **On Near, Mello, and Feelings of Inferiority**_

Both Near and Mello seem to have an intense feeling of inferiority - and I mean, who wouldn't, being constantly compared to L? But after inferiority, the main feelings I get for Near are anxiety and a lack of self-esteem while the main feelings I get for Mello are anger and hatred, so I tried to reflect that in their characterizaitons.

(It should be noted, though, in terms of a general difference between NT vs ASD brain processes, that Mello's sense of inferiority comes from his comparison of himself to others - to L, to Near, to Kira - in a kind of dominance game, while Near's sense of inferiority comes from a more internal sense of not doing anywhere near the best that he thinks he should be capable of doing. While this isn't universal, there does seem to be a trend that NT individuals tend to care much more about rank and authority than autistic individuals, and also that NT individuals tend to play social 'games' that people on the spectrum tend not to be aware of, or else are confused by.)

* * *

 **Author Notes for Chapter 3: ****_L's successors_**

* * *

 _ **On Light**_

Lol, Light. I honestly think part of the reason he had so much trouble with Mello and Near is that he couldn't stop comparing them to L.

It's also kinda funny how much Light sounds like a stereotypical villain once you switch the story around to put him in the antagonistic position. Part of what makes _Death Note_ so great though is that he really _is_ an antagonist-type character placed into a protagonist role.

* * *

 _ **On Riot Squad Gear**_

I got the information about all the different pieces of riot squad suits from securityprousa dot com, specifically the SecPro Police Riot Suit, the description of which is as follows:

 _The SecPro Police Riot Suit provides substantial protection from blunt force trauma. The contour molded outer shell features impact ridges that disperse the brunt of the blows, while foam inner padding cushions the body. Soft brush and mesh line the inside to reduce abrasion and provide long-term comfort. The hard shell protectors are used for covering and protecting most of the body. They are designed to withstand hard blow, and prevent penetration or stabbing by sharp tools, anti-fire and anti-acidity. The SecPro Riot Suit is currently deployed and passes the rigorous standards of our most elite law enforcement agencies, for quality, operational flexibility, protection area, energy absorbency, and flame resistance performance._

 _Includes:_

 _\- Upper Body and Shoulder protection_  
 _\- Forearm Protection_  
 _\- Thigh and Groin Protection_  
 _\- Knee and Shin Guard Protection_  
 _\- Riot Gloves, Hard Knuckle with Kevlar_

* * *

 _ **On Commander Rester Helping Near with the Riot Squad Gear**_

I tossed in the detail about Near having trouble putting on all those pieces of the riot because

1) he really does wear very simple clothing most of the time, so given that he's not used to clothing with complicated pieces I figured it made sense for him to have difficulties;

2) some people on the autism spectrum are not completely coordinated motor-skills-wise and can be somewhat clumsy - and that just so happened to work with my main reason, which was that:

3) I really just wanted Commander Rester to have to help him, because _Death Note 13: How to Read_ states that Commander Rester can be seen as Near's guardian, and I really like that and wanted to show it in some way.

* * *

 _ **On Near and "Thinking of Rules as Absolute," and Other Related Topics  
**_

About Mello noting that Near had a habit of thinking of rules as being absolute:

Another point about ASD is that people on the autism spectrum tend to have a more "rigid" way of thinking in certain aspects, which results in a tendency to think of rules as being absolute, and therefore the idea that there are exceptions to rules or that rules may not even actually be rules - along with many other kinds of subtlety and indirectness - can be pretty confusing.

Again, this is a generalization, but I do find it to be true for myself, and it seems to be pretty common for people on the autism spectrum to become frustrated about why most people (NTs) can't just say what they actually mean, and about what the hell's going on with those mysterious layers of meaning that somehow everyone seems to be privy to but us.

Also, since we tend to be more direct, and just say what we mean without any hidden meanings, this also tends to cause misunderstandings by NT individuals. For example, an autistic individual may say something like "the color of that hat looks horrible on you," because for the autistic individual they're only stating the truth about the color of the hat, and probably don't mean in any way to be insulting. But NTs may interpret it as an insult, because (from what I gather) the hat is in some way a symbol that is connected to them, so an attack on the symbol is interpreted an attack on their self, so to NT individuals "the color of that hat looks horrible on you" actually means something more along the lines of "I think you're a horrible person." So NTs may become upset about such a comment, while the autistic individual probably won't understand why that is, because they were literally only talking about that hat. It seems to go the other way as well, though, as NTs may use tend to use phrases like "that hat looks horrible on you" as an indirect way of directly insulting someone they're speaking to, while such insults may fly completely over the head of an autistic individual for whom the hat they happen to be wearing has absolutely no connection to their sense of self in any way.

It's also quite possible someone on the autism spectrum wouldn't have put much thought into the hat they were wearing, anyway, since they tend not to dress with the same kind of deliberation as NTs, since for NTs clothing tends to be very much a message of who they are and who other people are so they choose clothes for appearance/effect, while autistic individuals, especially since they tend to be sensitive to sensory stimulation, likely just wear whatever's most comfortable. Hence L casual jeans and long-sleeve shirt, and Near's pajamas.

* * *

 _ **On Inductive Reasoning**_

On the subject of "Sorry," though, and Near's statement about how you have to make assumptions in a case, detectiveedu dot org actually _does_ say that detectives need to be able to use both deductive _and inductive_ reasoning.

So yes, making assumptions actually _is_ part of real criminal cases. Sometimes you have to actually go beyond the evidence that you have with intelligent guesses, because you might not get anywhere otherwise. And even L and Light use inductive reasoning in the _Death Note_ canon.

(So, you know, I'd really appreciate it if you guys wouldn't give me flak for these characters using intelligent/arrogant guesses in their theories/investigations and not just going off of concrete evidence...)

* * *

 _ **On Burns: Degrees of Severity, Complications, and Treatments**_

On another Note, though, it is highly recommended that you get medical treatment for any burns second-degree or higher.

However, for the sake of information - because information is interesting (at least when it pertains in some way to anime, lol) - here's a summary of the different kinds of burns (copied and pasted from advancedtissue dot com):

 _First-Degree or superficial burns_ are identified by pain, redness, minor swelling and an absence of blistering.  
 _Second-Degree burns_ produce a slight thickness of the skin and may include blistering, indicating damage has been done to the underlying layers of skin.  
 _Third-Degree burns_ feature leathery, waxen skin and are commonly accompanied by numbness due to full damage to the dermis and surrounding nerves.  
 _Fourth-degree burns_ have extended past the skin layers and into the flesh, causing charring and irreparable damage.

And some info on complications that can occur due to burns (copied and pasted from healthline dot com):

 _Compared with first- and second-degree burns, third-degree burns carry the most risk for complications, such as infections, blood loss, and shock, which is often what could lead to death. At the same time, all burns carry the risk of infections because bacteria can enter broken skin._  
 _Severe burns also carry the risk of hypothermia and hypovolemia. Dangerously low body temperatures characterize hypothermia. While this may seem like an unexpected complication of a burn, the condition is actually prompted by excessive loss of body heat from an injury. Hypovolemia, or low blood volume, occurs when your body loses too much blood from a burn._

It also appears to be basically impossible to find information online about how to treat above a first-degree burn, since they want everyone to get real medical assistance and not try to treat such severe burns themselves. Still, it seems like, in a disaster situation, it would be good to know...

Anyways. Mello is stubborn and determined, but he's not an idiot. He'd definitely wait a bit and try to take care of himself to make sure there wouldn't be any complications before getting the hell out of the area.

And yes, apparently Mogi really did somehow check all the licensed and unlicensed doctors in the world. No idea how he did that. But then again, this _is_ Mogi we're talking about - he's plot-convenience's polymath.

* * *

 **Author Notes for Chapter 4: ****_L's heir_**

* * *

 _ **On Light's Death Scene**_

This is Light's death scene from the manga, not the anime. Because I like Light a lot, and since I'm a sadomasochist when it comes to these kinds of things, I prefer the version where he's pathetically begging Ryuk for his life and dies in front of everyone. (Damn is it painful, though - I can barely read through the entire scene, haha.)

Kinda got to bring in the aspect from the anime death scene where Light sees L as he's dying, though - except that here it was technically actually Near. Also I wanted to have Light kinda acknowledge Near as a worthy opponent there/being fit for the role of L there at the end and kinda recognize that he'd underestimated him.

And it's also kinda ironic in my head to have Light acknowledge Near as being fit to succeed L since I don't think Near will ever accept that himself. And I like irony, so. Yeah.

* * *

 _ **On Near and Mello Figuring Out that Light Would Have Switched the Notebook**_

So, you're probably all wondering why I had Near and Mello figure out that Light would have switched the notebook with a fake, when they didn't appear to do so in canon - at least, not by Near's account of what happened, and not from what we see of Near's thoughts, either. But then again, for _Death Note_ 's ending to work, we had to have no idea both that Light switched the notebook and that Near figured that out and then switched the real notebook…

I was, originally, actually going to stick as close as possible to what we see in canon, but then I ran into the problem. I tried to explain it in Near's thoughts in the chapter, but I know it's confusing, though - it gave me quite the headache while writing it - so let me try to explain the problem I ran into while trying to stick to canon:

Near's POV. He has confirmed that Mikami is X-Kira and that he can get ahold of the notebook, and he doesn't think Light has any idea of this. We know that he suggests the meeting at the Yellow Box Warehouse on January 28 and 1:00pm. So when he suggests this meeting, why does he think that Light will agree to this and see this as the perfect opportunity to have Mikami come kill them? Near has made it _very_ obvious here that he is a sitting duck. Why does he think that Light will not become suspicious of this situation and realize that Near has to be up to something, and then work to figure out what that is?

I could not come up with an answer to this. And nobody whom I consulted (and I did solicit advisors on this) could come up with a solution, either. (If anyone else can think of an answer to this, though, do message me, because I would be very interested to hear it.)

Literally the only reason I could think of in which Near would suggest the meeting at the Yellow box Warehouse on January 28 at 1:00pm, making it very obvious he's a sitting duck, and therefore that he has some trick up his sleeve, is that he had to have known that Light had switched out the notebook, having suspected that he would switch out the pages.

And I do not think it would be impossible or near clairvoyance for Near to figure this out. The entire situation with Mikami was incredibly suspicious. In order to not be tipped off that Mikami was going out of his way to make it obvious that he had the notebook, Near would have had to believe that both Mikami and Light were complete and utter idiots. Which I do not think that Near would do. And I mean, if you have events that fall into place that perfectly, you're going to be suspicious that something's wrong, right? Which is why I think Near would be suspicious of Mikami doing things like speaking about not having a Shinigami and using the notebook in public and leaving the notebook in his locker as a sitting duck, and also why I think he would think that Light would be suspicious about a meeting where Near was so obviously a sitting duck. (And, I mean, come on: _wouldn't_ Light have been suspicious of that?)

I know that what angers many people in regards to Near and a seeming clairvoyance with him was finding Mikami in the first place. And, admittedly, the anime definitely made it seem like that. But in the manga, Near really did watch hours of footage in order to find Mikami. And Mikami was so obvious with his appearances on _Kira's Kingdom_ that I do believe it makes sense that Near had noticed him there and would then consider him a suspect upon seeing him on two of Takada's shows.

Light had already admitted that he had contact with Takada at this point, and Near knew that the Task Force was watching him and he couldn't be carrying out the killings himself, and that Misa wasn't carrying out the killings at this time. Actually, it occurred to me, too, that the first most obvious conclusion would be that Takada was the one carrying out the killings—the evidence against that was that there was a week between when Demigawa was killed and Takada was chosen, and it would be rather strange for Takada to choose herself, which is why the only possibility was that Light was contacting X-Kira through Takada. And then, later, after Near would have realized that Mikami wasn't carrying out the killings, the only person who could be doing it was Takada.

Basically, in both canon and this story, Near took informed guesses, and he happened to be correct. Yes, this is inductive reasoning, not deductive. But real life detectives have to use both kings of reasoning, and good inductive reasoning is not the same as clairvoyance, and I do not believe that I made any leaps that would have been impossible for him. If you spot any, though, please do inform me.

I didn't think it unreasonable, either, that Mello could have figured out what was going on, even with far less information than Near, since it seemed to me that Mello would get the big picture of what was going on and then work to fill in the details while Near would gather together the details to form the big picture. And I also think that Mello and Light do have pretty similar strategies - man, it would be _hilarious_ to put them on the same side in a conflict and then watch them work together - and that this would have allowed Mello to figure out what Light's plan was with less information and puzzling through things than Near, since I think it likely that switching out the notebook is exactly what he would have done if he were in Light's position.

Also, even if Near in this story hadn't reasoned that Mikami's notebook was likely a fake, it would have been very easy to figure it out by testing the notebook, which Near had ample opportunity do. Much of Light's plan hinged on the trust that Near would not test the notebook because he wanted to win too perfectly. But I do believe that Near would have tested. It, since he seemed very much to want to test it earlier in canon, with the 13 Day Rule, and it did not seem to me that there was that much evidence that he wanted to win 'perfectly.' Which is also why I threw in the bits of dialogue earlier with Near insisting that they wouldn't lower themselves to Kira's level, because I wanted some bit of concrete evidence for Light to have based such a conclusion on.

And I do not think the theory of Near having figured out the notebook was fake was unlikely. Like I've said, everything with Mikami was suspicious as hell, and _Near is a frikkin detective,_ guys. And he's a _damn good_ one. He's not an idiot, and he's some random kid pulled off the street. He literally spent at least half of his life, probably more, being trained to be L. I do not believe that anything he figures out here suggests clairvoyance. (Also, why is it only Near who gets accusations of clairvoyance? Light and L never get those accusations even though they've done the same exact kinds of things as Near.)

(I mean, can we take a moment to ponder the mystery of how Light knew all Mikami's habits? I mean, we can assume that he told Mikami to fill out exactly one page per day. But how did he know that Mikami had his life perfectly scheduled and that he goes to the gym on those two specific days of the week at exactly that time, for example? I mean, the only contact he had with Mikami was through Takada. So what did he do—ask Takada to ask Mikami for his schedule? I mean, I guess it's possible, but… *cue headache* I'm just going to let this go...)

Also, Near figuring out that Light switched the notebook is actually one of the theories that _Death Note_ suggests itself, in the last chapter of the manga. (His other one being that Near wrote Teru Mikami's name in the notebook to control him so that he wouldn't think to test the notebook to make sure it was real before using it. I didn't think Near would actually resort to that, though, because I don't think he would have felt the need to be that careful, since I think he would have thought that Light's arrogance and certainty of his victory would mean that he wouldn't have even considered telling Mikami to test the real notebook beforehand, since he wouldn't have considered it a possibility that the real notebook could have been switched.)

Essentially, though, the main reason my decision to have Near figure out Light's plan was that, when I was trying to write what happened from his point of view, I could not fathom a reason for why he would have thought that Light would actually agree to a meeting that was set up in such a way if he thought that Light didn't know he'd switched the pages of the notebook, because I could not fathom a reason why Light would agree to a meeting given such conditions and not be completely suspicious about what Near was doing, and therefore couldn't fathom a reason for why Near would think he wouldn't be suspicious, either. So Near knowing that Light had switched out the notebooks may not have been ideal, but it was the only solution I could think of, and the only way I could think to write the last part of this story. I couldn't figure out anything else that made any sense. (And I don't think that what I write in a piece of fanfiction on my own time has any kind of obligation to be ideal, anyway.)

The ending of this story gave me a lot of trouble, and I was frustrated - I never particularly cared about the ending, since it was really all the _other_ parts of the story I wanted to write, but I couldn't just not write the ending... I've never particularly liked the ending of Death Note, because it really is an asspull, which is why I had so much trouble working with it.

Also, though, if anyone happens to feel somewhat insulted though by way of the thought that I was trying to suggest that Near is more intelligent than Light, I assure you that that is not the case. They are both intelligent, and in different ways, and I think it is unfair to compare them, as if there is some kind of ultimate definition for what "intelligence" is. It's just that I had Near take an extra step in the confusing "I know that he knows that I know that he knows that I know that" game that Light didn't take, and I would say would be more of a product of Light's arrogance versus Near's complete insecurity, as well as just their different positions in the game, and not anything about their "intelligence."

In the situation I posed in this story, I do not think it insulting to Light's character that he may have missed the extra step in reasoning, since it would have required one more step for him than for Near, since for Near the thought process was "What does Light that that I think that Light thinks that I think," and Light then would have had to think "What does Near think that I think that Near thinks that I think that Near thinks that I think," and I think we can all attest to how confusing all this second/triple/quadruple/quintuple-guessing gets, and that even Light could miss a step when there get to be that many. Also, I believe it's pretty obvious that Light isn't at the top of his game in the second part of the series, either, and that he made even more mistakes due to his arrogance than he did in the first part (and he made plenty in the first part).

So yeah, I am not trying to suggest that Near is better or more "intelligent" than Light.

And I'm not trying to suggest that Near is more "intelligent" than L, either, which I hope I showed by having Near acknowledge just how much he owed his victory to the work done by L as well as Mello. I really do think that the "standing on the shoulders of giants" quote is fitting for his situation.

I honestly find the whole "Who's the smartest character in Death Note?" question to be exhausting, impossible to answer, and completely irrelevant. Again, the definition of "most intelligent" is problematic - all the characters have their own strengths and their own weaknesses - and it really doesn't matter, since it's chance as much as their actions that allow them to succeed or fail.

And I thought I portrayed Near's reasoning, in the part about how he figured out that the notebook was fake, to not be any more impossible than any other conclusions made by the characters in canon. However, again, if you spot any particular instances of grandiose leaps, do inform me, because I don't actually see any.

I do believe that Light underestimated Near, but if I was trying to show anything with that it is that this story was supposed to be centered around the theme of Near and Mello not "living up" to L's legacy, and how they were constantly compared to L by everyone, including themselves as well as Light, and found wanting. Again, though, I see this as revolving around emotions, not "intelligence."

As for Near's plan to let himself be killed, expecting that Mello would be there to capture Kira – yes, that was rather an asspull on my part. It was simply the only way I could think of for them to still win if they didn't know the location of the real notebook and couldn't get ahold of it. And I figured that it wouldn't be too out of character for my version of Near, in order to try to live up to being L, would be willing to sacrifice himself for that. And I figured that Mello wouldn't want Near to die, and was willing to put himself at some risk to prevent that from happening (though I do think he wouldn't have kidnapped Takada, or wouldn't have given her the blanket before she'd completely undressed, or wouldn't have shown her his face, if he'd known that there was any possibility she could have killed him).

And I also kind of liked the dynamic that it gave to their characters, since I liked messed-up emotional situations, and I thought it was pretty messed up and helped accentuate what the expectations of being L have done to Near and Mello. So yeah, I was really hoping it would make everything seem more messed up - not make the characters look cooler, and I again deeply apologize if they came off that way.

Like I said in the beginning, though - this story isn't supposed to be canon. It's just my own headcanon. You do not have to agree with any of it.

I did to make it all fit as well as possible with canon, though, which is why there are "explanations" for why Near lied about not knowing the notebook was fake in the fifth chapter (further elaboration on this will be under the author notes for Chapter 5 - but basically all the "explanations" he considered were all fake). Because the canon was the framework I was working with.

To be perfectly honest with you, when I got to the last stretches of this story, I got the feeling I'd been rather screwed over from the start, since there wasn't really a good way to tie things up…

So yeah. If this ending seemed kind of half-assed, that's because it kind of was, because I was not capable of figuring out how to make the canon DN ending make sense. Again, I apologize if this upsets you in any way. But let me remind you that THIS IS NOT CANON.

Believe it or not, I'm actually not Tsugumi Ohba.

But Tsugumi Ohba said in _Death Note 13: How to Read_ that he left a lot of things in the story unanswered (another example being what L's last words would have been) because he wanted _Death Note_ to ultimately be about letting readers come to their own conclusions. So what I've written here is simply my own conclusion.

And look - I just wrote this story for fun, you know?

* * *

 ** _Why Near Was So Suspicious About Mikami_**

If you're still not convinced, though, then let me try to break this down.

First, though, just another reminder, because it's important: This story is NOT canon. These characters are NOT "in-character." Mello and Near are, in fact, purposefully OOC – that was the entire point of this story. However, I understand that this may be difficult to remember given that I was trying to fit the OOCness within the framework of canon. But my character interpretations ARE NOT CANON.

So let's go from there.

First of all, Light didn't just did not just 'assume' that Mikami would be found out and then prepare for it – he ordered Mikami to do things to make _sure_ that he was found out. (I feel like this was actually mentioned in the manga, but I'm too lazy to check – in any case, it doesn't matter. This is my headcanon for what happened, and therefore it is what happened in this story, because I'm the author. And I do know that I mentioned it in the story.)

"Near […] had no reason to doubt that the notebook Mikami was using was a fake. He wrote names, and people died. Once, he even killed a pervert on a train, with Giovanni watching. Cause and effect. That's why Near didn't test the notebook."

As for why Near doubted the notebook Mikami was real - my version of Near is primarily defined by a pervading anxiety that borders on paranoia.

Near – at least in this story – has grown up his entire life in a world that he does not understand in the least. People have bullied him, injured him, gotten angry at him, and hated him for reasons that he does not understand, so there is no straight "cause and effect" for him. The world is not logical. It does not make sense. He's never been able to figure out a formula as simple as "If I do A, then B happens," _ever._ And because of that, the world scares him, and he is perpetually suspicious.

This paranoia manifests in such a way that he is never _not_ questioning everything that is going on. Even something as simple as someone coming up to say "Hi" to him could leave him perplexed and overthinking for the entire rest of the day, if not longer, such questions as "Why did this person say Hi to me? What did I ever do to make them want to say Hi? I didn't do anything. There's no reason for them to have come up to me to say Hi. Why would they say it? What did they want? The only possibility is that they had an ulterior motive. What was it? What could they have gotten out of doing such a thing?" and on and on.

And if he does this with even the most mundane situations, you can bet he'd be going over such questions in regards to Mikami. Especially as he continued to find things out about Mikami so easily. Aside from ending up at Wammy's House, nothing has _ever_ gone well for Near. Ever. So this situation would set off alarm bells ringing in his head, because there's no _way_ things could _possibly_ be that easy. There's just no way. It was all way too convenient. So he was thinking: "There _has_ to be a trick going on here."

Which brings us to Light.

Again, I cannot speak for canon!Light, by MY version of Light would definitely be suspicious of the meeting Near suggested, if he didn't know already. Look, he doesn't underestimate Near _that_ much – he knows Near never does anything without a reason. He'd think of the plan to have Mikami killed Near, and then he'd realize that the location was far too perfect, and that Near wouldn't have called a meeting where they'd meet face to face _unless he was certain that he'd be able to prove that Light was Kira._ Near even _said_ that they were going to settle the case at the warehouse – he basically _told_ Light straight-out that he had a way to prove that Light was Kira. This would have screamed to Light that Near had a plan. And he knows that Near has no doubt that he is Kira – there would be absolutely no point whatsoever in him going along with the plan to try to 'prove' to Near that he's 'innocent.' The only reason for him to go would be to try to kill Near, and he would know that Near would know that, and his plan probably revolves around that.

But that entire hypothetical is actually utterly irrelevant, because there is no way that Light _wouldn't_ have come up with a plan. Light would never just sit there and _wait_ for Near to catch him – and Near would know that Light would never just sit there and wait and not orchestrate some kind of plan.

Look – Light scares Near. L was Near's idol – Near considers L to have been the best and most intelligent person in the world. And _Light killed L._ As such, to underestimate Light here and think that he's an idiot who wouldn't come up with a plan would be the same as thinking that L is an idiot, because only an idiot could have been killed by an idiot like that. And Near considers L to be the farthest person from an idiot in the entire world.

Additionally, Near knows how Light killed L. He doesn't know that Light got a Shinigami to do it, but he knows that Light planned months ahead and wrote the fake 13 Day Rule in the Death Note before giving it to someone else who would be caught, thus proving his own innocence and forcing L to let him go, and then after that he was able to kill L. So Near knows perfectly well what Light is capable of, and he knows Light's style – predicting his opponents' moves and then orchestrating things months ahead. Near knows that this is the kind of plan that Light is going to pull off. He'd have to be a complete idiot to think that Light wouldn't have a plan – and Near is _not_ an idiot. He's L's _successor_ , for gawd's sakes.

And Near knows that in order to catch Light with solid proof he needs his name to be written in the Death Note. That's the only way. And he knows that Light knows that he wants to pin him with solid proof (because if he didn't, then Light would have already been dead, because Near would have just had one of the SPK members assassinate him). So Light knows that this is what Near's going to do – and Near knows that Light knows that this is what he's going to do, because it's the only option. Of course Light's going to think of it – Light thought of a way to beat L with a fake rule.

Neither Light nor Near – at least as _I_ write them – are idiots. And they do not believe that each other are idiots, either – if either of them did, they would have died earlier.

As for Mikami, if he had no way of knowing what kind of situation Kira was in, then his actions with the notebook might not be suspicious. But Near _knew_ that Mikami had contact with Light through Takada, and because of this, Light was able to give Mikami orders. And it's pretty obvious that Mikami is such an avid Kira follower that he would follow Light's every order. And if Light told him that he couldn't act and that people were investigating him so Mikami needed to be as careful as possible, then you can bet that Mikami would have done things in such a way it would have been nigh impossible to find out that he was doing the killings. And there's no way that Light, if that was what he wanted, wouldn't NOT give such orders to Mikami – so the fact that Mikami was being so open about the notebook and to speak about the Shinigami in public means that Light _had_ to have ordered him to do so, which means that it all had to be part of Light's plan.

So yes, I find it very believable that Near would see through the misinformation with Mikami and Takada, because this is my version of Near, and he's anxious as hell. This is obviously very different from canon!Near, who Tsugumi Ohba claims has more emotional balance/resilience than L, and who thus doesn't react to anything. But this is not at all true of my Near – my Near is not emotionally balanced at all, and he very definitely reacts to everything in an anxious way. My Near is far less emotionally stable than my L. So it is unfathomable to me that my version of Near would not be hella suspicious about everything, because as an incredibly anxious and paranoid person myself, _I_ would be hella suspicious about everything for the reasons I have described. And I cannot fathom that my Near would be less suspicious than me. And I cannot write that which I cannot fathom.

* * *

 _ **On Near's Confusion Concerning Emotions**_

Near's confusion about emotions in this chapter is inspired entirely by my own experiences; I haven't actually read anything about anyone else having this same particular difficulty.

And I don't really know if I can explain it, except that I've always had a sense that I feel things differently from most people, and so in some way my emotions are "wrong," while there seemed to be "right" things to feel about certain events since most people seemed to all feel the exact same or very similar emotions about certain things, so I've spent a lot of time trying to analyze my own emotions and figure out what I "really" feel, what the "right" thing to feel is supposed to be, and what the emotions everyone else seems to feel really are, and I just end up getting really confused.

So it's not that he doesn't feel anything about Mello's death - as I hope I showed with his anxiety beforehand. And I'm sure when he first heard/realized that Mello had died, he felt the loss intensely, as he did with L, because I really think Near cared about Mello. It's just that after the wave of overwhelming emotion passed, he was left with mainly a vague sense of wrongness and a great many questions that would never be answered (and which he'll no doubt be wondering about for probably forever), and the feeling that everything he thinks and feels is somehow inadequate.

* * *

 _ **On Matt and Video Games**_

Anyways - Matt and video games.

I'll admit now that I really don't have much experience with video games. Literally the only video games I've played are _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess,_ and _The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword._ Which is why the one reference to a specific video game is from one of those.

In _Twilight Princess_ , though, the premise of the game's plot is that main boss Ganondorf basically takes over the world by submerging it into a realm of twilight, so I thought it was pretty fitting to what Light has as Kira by this point in the _Death Note_ arc.

(Realistically there should probably have been a lot more video game references in Matt's pov though... oh well...)

Matt was pretty fun to write, though - after writing from the points of view of L, Near, Mello, and Light, who are all totally obsessive, it was pretty nice to write someone who d careoesn't really about anything (also I got to let my language become totally casual and toss in an inordinate amount of curse words, bwaha). Hopefully his point of view was fun to read, too.

* * *

 _ **On the "Rain Scene"**_

On another Note, my interpretation for the rain scene was partly inspired by a discussion I found on quora dot com for this question: "In the rain scene of Death Note, L asked Light if he ever lies, why?" Someone by the penname of Samantha Barton answered this:

 _I think L asks him this simply out of curiosity. Anyone who watches Death Note knows what L is capable of intillectually. We know he had Light pegged as Kira from very early on.  
We also know, with careful attention, that L knew what Light's plan was to kill him. He may not have had every detail, but he had a fair idea. In this scene, he is basically letting Light know that he knows everything and they have a sort of understanding.  
L wants to know why he lies even when he knows someone knows the truth. He's basically saying "Look. I know you know I know you're Kira. So why are you hiding it?"  
And Lights answer? "Because I have to."  
And that's true. By this time, the whole Kira thing was so much bigger than Light the person. Kira was worshipped by masses as a god. He couldn't just admit he was a mere human with a magical book. He couldn't admit it to the world, and (more importantly) he couldn't admit it to himself.  
And L understood that. For he knew what it was to have a name bigger than yourself._

And I liked that interpretation, so I kinda stole it. Because you know the best writers are all thieves. (And I aspire to be one of them, one day. Maybe.)

* * *

 **Author Notes for Chapter 5: ****_L's legacy_**

* * *

 _ **On Near Eating Chocolate**_

In the last chapter of the _Death Note_ manga, which takes place a year after Light's death, Near is shown to be eating a chocolate bar in the same way that Mello did. I actually missed that the first time I read it, but when I reread it and saw that bit I was like _YES I LIKE THAT, I LIKE THAT A LOT._

I also really do like the relationship between Near and Rester and the idea of Rester being Near's guardian.

* * *

 _ **On Near's Reasons for Lying about the Notebook and Mello's Role**_

I have, since posting this story, also been informed that Near's rationalizations about pitying Light Yagami seems out of character, since spends so much time trying to humiliate Light in that scene. I am also sorry if this is the case.

Part of the trouble I had with that part was that Near _does_ spend most of the scene rubbing Light's failure in his face and trying to make him feel horrible. But yet he told Light that he could have won. If he was only focused on making Light feel as horrible as possible, then why wouldn't he have lied and simply told Light that he'd known all along, even if he hadn't? "I saw through your plan from the beginning sucker" is way more humiliating then "You could have won but due to one small oversight I won haha it was pure chance." It didn't really hold up for me. (Of course, just another plot convenience part of the original plot, since the readers needed the explanation...)

Yes, the ending of Death Note was an asspull, and so the ending of my story is an asspull as well, because that's all I had to work with. But I did not actually intend for the reason Near lied to come off as being because he pitied Light and was trying to spare his pride, though - I intended that to simply be one of the possible explanations Near thought up when he was trying to pick apart why he did it - that scene was intended to show that the action did not make sense, and that he couldn't make sense of it, and that "pitying" Light was one of those senseless solutions.

I was trying to show that Near doesn't always think his every action through, and that he's incredibly confused about what his feelings are regarding everything. Because he's not an unfeeling, logical robot. And here I think the situation with Light hurt Near, but he could not identify why, so in his mind he tried out the explanation that maybe he pitied Light, but found it wanting and then dropped it again, trying something else. But he just can't identify what's hurting him.

So the point of that scene is not the possible explanations posed by Near in his mind, but the fact that he can't actually figure it out.

(Basically calling attention to the just how much of an asspull the ending of DN really is, since nothing about any of it makes sense... so I suppose, in light of that, it may actually be a good thing if the ending was disappointing and seemed like an asspull, since it was kind of my intention with that part, at least in regards to the story arc of DN itself. It was just never my intention for that to rub off on Near's character so much in this fic.)

* * *

 _ **On Near "Pitying" Light**_

Briefly back onto the subject of Near's "pity," for a moment, though, and the accusation that I apparently only wrote that to make Near more sympathetic, I would also like to point out that there are different kinds of empathy – cognitive empathy, in which one can understand another's perspective or mental state; and affective/emotional empathy, in which one understands another's emotions and has the capacity to respond with an appropriate emotion. Additionally, affective/emotional empathy can also be divided into two sub-categories: empathic concern, in which one has sympathy and compassion for others in response to their suffering; and personal distress, in which one has self-centered feelings of discomfort and anxiety in response to another's suffering.

The paragraphs about Near's "pity" for Light are stemming from this latter-most category, personal distress. Near is not really feeling bad for Light, but it is a kind of empathy in that the idea of being in Light's position distresses him. He's basically internally freaking out at the idea of having something he'd spent years building come apart around him, because he could very well have been the one dying with Light gloating over him, and it would be unbelievably painful for him. So this "pity" is him freaking out about how easily their positions could have been switched and what it would have been like for him if that had been the case – and as such, I do not see it as clashing with his goading actions.

My Near was really hurting in that scene, for a variety of different reasons. Because he still hates and fears Light, and of course he's proud to have beaten him and wants to rub it in like he believes L and Mello would have done, and he's also hurting because it's he that's there to beat Kira in the end while L and Mello are both dead, and he's hurting at the possibility of what would have happened if he'd lost, and he sees the reflection of those fears in Light's reactions, and he thought that if he could be like L then it would make everything better, and he would be confident and happy and people would respect him, but he's succeeded in beating Kira and yet none of that is happening, and he's not good with emotions and has both trouble identifying them and not letting them overwhelm him, and it's all a huge mess.

He's a human being, and he has emotions - of course he's going to have conflicting emotions during such an event, and as such is not going to act completely consistently. And I'm know he wasn't the only one - I mean, just imagine what Matsuda must have been going through in that scene. But I'm sure that every single character there had conflicting emotions during that scene and wasn't really sure what to do about it.

In summary, though: no, he did not feel any sorrow or compassion for Light. It's just that he could understand how Light felt - the feeling of being a complete failure and having everything you'd worked for torn down around you - and that distressed him. But that is not at all the same as actually caring for Light in any way. So it was not pity - this was a mislabeling on Near's part. Again, he isn't good with identifying or dealing with emotions, and he was trying to understand but not really doing that great of a job. He's human.

(Or, y'know, _my_ version of him is, at least.)

* * *

 _ **On Light Again  
**_

Back briefly to Light, though – look, I love him as much as you do. He's an incredibly intelligent and fascinating character. But he was not at all at his best in the second part of the series. He was basically falling apart the entire time, and I very much got the impression that he was flailing desperately most of the time, and that he was rushing things much to fast in a desperate need to kill Near and Mello. So I do very much believe that made an incredible number of mistakes in the second half – in a better frame of mind he could have handled everything much better. (I do think it means something, though, that Mello and Near still had so much trouble with him even when he was flailing so desperately.)

I did mean to portray this somewhat in my story. However, I do not mean it in any way against the intelligence or fascinating aspects of Light's character – personally, I feel the way he falls apart in the second part of the series is incredibly fascinating in that it shows the importance of the antagonistic relationship he had with L, and how without L to challenge him he kinda started falling apart, and that it was partly this fact that he kind of, in a way, missed L, despite himself, that he had so much trouble with L's successors. And one of the main themes of this story was the affects of L's legacy – both on his successors as well as on Light.

(If it looks like I made Light look like a villain, I assure you that that was not at all me, lol - almost all of Light's dialogue and inner thoughts in this story are taken directly from the manga. He really sounds like that canonically. Most of what I did was simply boost it with more comparisons of Near and Mello to L, in order to emphasize the aspect of Light and L's relationship that I mentioned in the previous paragraph.)

* * *

 _ **On The End**_

And the end here with L's realization was really the only reason I could think of for why L might have needed successors (aside from plot reasons like Light needing adversaries after L's death)...

I still don't think he would have any desire for his role to be continued, though. So this isn't really L accepting why he might have needed successors, but rather why Watari might have thought that he should have them. So L's thought that "maybe Watari had been wise" could probably be better translated as "maybe Watari knew me better than I knew myself" or something along those lines.

And nobody won, really. Not even Near.

* * *

 _ **Final Thoughts**_

So yeah. That's it, basically.

Admittedly a large part of why I wrote these notes is because I'm as anxious as hell about having my intentions misunderstood - and so I wanted to do as much as I could to prevent such misunderstandings from occurring, since the anxiety about the possibility was actually completely preventing me from posting this story - but I also genuinely hope that you found these author notes interesting, that they helped clear some things up, and/or that you learned a little bit about something that you hadn't known before.


End file.
